My Shoes

Okay, this is going to be a really girlie blog posting, so please, bear with me.


I have a collection of shoes. Two years ago I didn't have more than one or two pairs, but now I have quite a few more. I have bought a few of them as methods of feeling better about myself, but above all, in my collection, I have one sacred pair. Or at least they feel sacred.
Several times since I bought them two years ago, I have taken down the box they sit in, opened it and tried so desperatly to wear them, but in two years, I think I have only really worn them a half a dozen times or so. I bought them shortly after Brady (my first boyfriend) and I started dating; my English 30 class was going to Theatre Calgary for "A Christmas Story," and we were supposed to look clean and pretty. Totally fun. It was my first time in the theatre, and I even had a boy I was swooning over to hold my hand. His was the first hand I ever held. On the way home, I was tired and I rested my head on Brady's shoulder, which was yet another first for me. The whole night, I could not stop smiling and I felt--I don't know--the way you feel when you're with your first real boyfriend.
We ended up breaking up at the end of the following summer, which was pretty hard on me for a long time. Afterwards, it was like he was a completely different person, and I was so angry with him. I became this horrible person towards him; I was a different person too. It took me a long time to realize that out break-up was inevitable; I wanted to teach and see the world, and he wanted to do something--else. I don't know if he really knows even now, but that doesn't matter; one day he'll really figure it out. But regardless, I knew I didn't want to be with him long term and even now, have no desire to be married by a certain age. It just took me a while to realize that my desires and plans for my life leave little room for a significant other or any form, let alone one that doesn't know what he wants to do with his life.
It was nearly a year before I had the sense enough about me to apologize to him. We talk now and get along fine, and I am so happy for him and his new girlfriend, though I still don't understand why he moved to Winnipeg.
After we broke up, I couldn't wear my fancy shoes. They were ordained in one of the more special moments of my life, and I didn't want to marr them with unimportant memories or bitter thoughts. I would put them on from time to time in an attempt to wear them, but they have this sort of feeling about them. I don't really know how to explain it; they feel filled with this pure, first love innocence. Like, they seem to exude it; they feel like shoes to be saved for moments that one needs an instant injection of life again. I stashed them in their box at the top of my closet, and brought them with me to BC.
I haven't worn them in a year, or so, but I took them down tonight. I plan on wearing them to my landlord's girl's Christmas concert. Not for their concert, but for me. I feel like in the past few months, I have been so broken emotionally, so lost; but I am okay now. It was just growing pains, of course, and some of them were very painful. But I grew, and most importantly, I did not let myself down one bit. I succeeded when I thought it would be so hard. I have friends here, and I had a family to decorate a tree with, and so many good memories of people I only had three months to get to know and enjoy. I've made my family (blood related or not) proud, and I have such a clear mind. I feel completely content. I still feel like I am too young to be out in the world though.
I put the shoes on this afternoon and I swear, I felt a cold breeze that gave me a little shiver down my spine.

Chill-axing on Sunday

My finals start this week. I know, insane huh? My last class of the semester is tomorrow--Spanish. My last Linguistics and Latin American Studies classes were on Thursday; walking home Thursday evening felt so weird. It really started to feel like the Christmas season. I don't know why, but it did.
I'm still sick, but I have a voice again, thank goodness. I booked some time off from Starbucks this week, with exams and all, so I am hoping and praying that I can start to feel better after a day or two off. I've been working and running about all weekend; I was supposed to work for 4 hours today too, but the snow up where I live was enough to make me call in and back out.
I'm an Albertan through and through, no doubt, and a little snow does not scare me. But drivers who don't know how to drive in the snow do. Abbotsford has, oh, maybe 3 snowplows, and they are tied up keeping the main lower roads cleared; I live at the top of one of several mountains, at the end of one giant cul-de-sac, and although the road is steep it goes un-plowed. There is a couple feet of wet snow outside my door. In fact, the only vehicles that have been driving around were 2 ATVs.
All said and done, I have been wasting a completely good day, curled up with my lap top and underneath layers of blankets and sweater, in a nice, quiet house (my landlords are Stateside until later), watching chick flicks. Oh, and doing some Spanish. And thinking about how I really should be turning my entire linguistics textbook into sticky notes covered in terms and things I am supposed to know....oh linguistics. That's the class I had with hot Turkish guy. Mmmm. Hot Turkish guy. Such a good afternoon.
I think I need some hot chocolate. Mmm...Turkish hot chocolate. Oh the mind of a silly girl.

Hail to Alberta!

I am so sick. Ok, not so bad I suppose, but I have developed a superb chest cold which is settling happily in my throat, and a good side-helping of body aches. I don't really know where it came from, but I ended up skipping my Spanish class today because I was exhausted and dealing with random nausea.
But that is besides the point. It's Monday night and I am two weeks out from my first University finals, and this week, my one and only term paper is due. So guess what I've been doing today, on my "day off." Writing, and thinking, and nursing Neo Citron. I have chosen a good topic at least: Panama and the United States and their relations. I'm excited about it. I have post-it notes mapping out my thought development on my wall. All of my walls, as a matter of fact, are covered in post-its. Either from LAS, Linguistics, or Spanish nouns--such a good way to study. Any way you look at it, I am wearing thin. What a great time for me to get sick, huh? I mean, I just need to pull through these next 2 weeks and I'm golden. I refuse to let my grades slip now.
Work is going so well. I'm still having trouble being sold on Starbucks, but the wage is good and my co-workers are people who make my day brighter and have done so much to help me feel like Abbotsford is my home (for the moment). Getting to know them, getting to know and remember their names...has made such a difference.
I was at Save On Foods a couple weeks ago and I found this coffee brand called Ethical Bean. So good. It grind some every morning. It reminds me of my Fratello roots. But don't tell Starbucks.
This evening, the most amazing thing happened. It started snowing. It has not even stopped yet. There is something about snow that makes me think of home; it makes me warm. It reminds me of digging crazy forts and tunnels in my back yard in Beiseker with my brother when we were little. It reminds me of my Grandparents, and of course, putting up Christmas lights with dad. I love snow--I even like shoveling it. I asked my best friend to enjoy the snow in Edmonton for me just last night, and today, God blesses me with my own snowy evening. I love it. It was great fun for me to watch a 1/2 tonne 4WD duelie try to crest the hill and drive off. The guy who drives it is a bit of a prick, speeding at insane speeds up the curvy road of my hill. I laughed at him as his macho-man truck failed him.
Its been almost 2 months since I was last back in Linden, and I feel homesick. I call mom and dad very often, which really helps. I mean, for as much as I do miss home, I like it here. I'm so excited about my future and enjoy making new friends. I don't know, when I say I am homesick, I guess I mean that I miss knowing the people I pass as I walk down the street. I miss knowing my customers at the coffee shop and being able to sit down and chat for a while. I miss worship practice. But I love this independence.
It has been a hard month. There's been a lot happening to me and the people I love, and in the world immediately around me, but more than ever, I have noticed God showing up. I'm not saying that this is a new thing for me, but everything has been taken care of for me. Thank you for all of your prayers; I need them so much.

Post-it notes for one thought on Manuel Noriega

Looking out from my front door onto the driveway and street

The stairs leading up to my land lord's front door

385 Days and Counting!

So today was a fabulous day.

I’ve set a goal to study abroad for a semester next year, well, actually one year from now I will hopefully be doing the last of the leg work and taking off. Taking off…I am so excited. I mean, I know it is a year away, but after meeting with the Study Abroad department today, one year certainly does not seem so long!

Basically, in four months time, I am to have made a final decision on where I want to spend four months of my schooling. Although a seemingly easy task for such a long amount of time, it is really a big one for me. I mean, for Pete’s sake, I want to see the whole world and now I am making a head start on it—for me to decide where I want to start is one very hard decision. However, the nice lady in the International department helped me narrow down some of my choices.

For starters, UCFV does not yet have any partnerships with Latin America, which is the one place I would jump to if the opportunity presented itself. But this whole experience is about broadening my horizons, so I am excited at the opportunity to whet my appetite for yet another culture. The first thing my adviser asked me was what kind of place I was interested in going to; my immediate and unrestricted response: “Somewhere that doesn’t speak English and has an entirely different culture.” A smile bust upon her face.

Three options were given to me to consider, though please know, there are far more places I could go (http://www.ucfv.ca/international/MOUs/Web_MOUs_per_country.pdf). These three options were, in this order: Turin, Italy, Surabaya, Indonesia, and lastly Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. The Italian school, I knew about already and was already interested in, and it, of the three suggestions, is the one which will most likely work best for me. The last two are schools which focus more on business, while in Italy I can take more political science; please do not think that I have in anyway already ruled out any of the three schools listed above.

All in all, I have a good four months of consideration ahead of me. Italy would be…so amazing, and an Asian school would be…so amazing too, and cheaper! Oh, so much to think about. But either way, I am defiantly going to go full-steam ahead with the semester abroad thing; my adviser encouraged me that I am a perfect candidate, and that although the process may seem daunting (even when I apply, I am not guaranteed an acceptance, and I have to keep a great average), with the field I plan go into, with my future goals, and for my interests, this is not only the perfect time for me to be considering a semester abroad, but the perfect “program” for me to really look into.

An Evening at Starbucks

Am I racist?

The thought had never really held any true consideration in my mind until recently. I was very fortunate to grow up in a household where cultural exploration was encouraged—most of this was facilitated by my family’s close bond to a Guatemalan family in the next block. But, my “cultural exploration” was somewhat hindered by the simple fact that I lived in a small town; most of my cultural awareness came from my interaction with missionary pen-pals and studying the atlas with my older brother. I have learned, now, however, that writing to someone about a foreign country or culture is so far removed from the experience of it, and it is very difficult to gain a real understanding of how another place in the same world can function so differently.

Irregardless, I have set my goals high for my life, wanting to spend as much time savoring and living in as many different countries and cultures as I can before my days run out. I am fascinated by the world we live in.

But now, after being in University in what I consider to be a city, I am really questioning my formal belief that I am not racist. I am a minority at my school as a normal “white girl” with Anglo-Saxon roots. My classmates are from the entire world, mostly from India and the Orient, some from Latin America (or their parents are, at the very least), and I…am from Canada. Now, for the most part, I consider these people to be my equals, my compliments; they are better at some things than I am and vis versa. I don’t feel contempt towards them in the slightest, I don’t think of them as invaders of “my country.” I like them, I am happy that I have had so many opportunities already, to make friends and have friends all across the world. I think it is fabulous! I love hearing their musics, their family customs…their life stories, just as much as I enjoy hearing my own fellow Canadians’ stories. However, recently I have noticed that there is one exception to my openness.

I am rather hesitant towards elderly East Indian men. I don’t think I was so uncomfortable around them when I first moved to the city, but now, after an incident on the bus one afternoon, I am. Basically, what happened is this elderly East Indian man with a long white beard decided to start touching the back of my neck and petting my shoulder. It only happened for a split second before I got up and removed myself from the situation, but the fact that this man thought he was justified in doing that really bothered me; he is likely at least 40 years my senior. I had done nothing to indicate that he had the right to touch me; I had never even seen him before!

So, as a result, now when I see an elderly East Indian man, my whole body freezes up and my jaw clenches. I hate that I do this; I don’t honestly think I am justified in doing so, but golly, it freaked me out and now, unintentionally, I have placed a prejudice on that one kind of human being. I’m trying to work through it though, not that it was you know, something more serious, but he invaded my personal space and I didn’t want him to.

When did my heart become open to racism?

Sleepless in Seattle

It's Tuesday night, but it so does not feel like it. It feels more like a Monday.
So, this weekend was insane, in a good sort of way. Curt and Laura got out to visit me for four days, which was good fun. We were--I was--so busy. Between being with them and working my regular shifts, I am spent! But I wouldn't have traded a moment otherwise.
The two got out here on Thursday evening and we feasted on all things unhealthy while watching "Nightmare Before Christmas"; bright and early Friday morning we headed out for Granville Island in Vancouver. That place is something else! I liked it; Granville Island is not actually an island, but an artisan based community underneath the Granville Street bridge overlooking False Creek and English Bay in Vancouver. We toured various art galleries that showcased mediums of wood, pottery, paint, paper, glass, silk...everything. We went through the fresh market, which smelled so good, and went to the brewery and bought some Granville Island Beer. Yum-my! It's defiantly worth a stop if you're in Vancouver.
I didn't have to work again until Sunday afternoon, so first thing Saturday morning we drove down to Seattle and did the tourist thing there. We stopped, of course, at Pike Place, went up the Space Needle, to the Aquarium, and to the Experience Music Project Museum of Modern Music. All very good fun. Seattle is yet another, amazingly artistic community. I loved walking around and seeing and hearing all of the buskers, but the hotel we stayed in...golly was I on the verge of going postal. It was alright in the daylight, but at 2am, the drunks started coming back for their mid-night snack and were slamming doors and yelling; the walls in that place were thin to begin with, and when they were slamming the doors, it sounded like the whole wall was about to fall over. I think Laura and I managed a 5-6 hour sleep that night, after hoofing around the city all day and me needing to work a full 8 hours at Starbucks the following day. Phew. I was rather testy. Oh, and the attractive male ratio is much better in Seattle, which really made our trip there worth while.
Monday morning came really fast; I had to work until midnight on Sunday, and fortunately, Curt was kind enough to come and pick me up. At 7am, I was up again, we went for a quick coffee with friend, and found ourselves on the the road to whirlwind trip to Whistler. The drive was spectacular, but in truth, we were in Whistler for maybe a half hour (it is a 2.5 hour drive from Abby, barring all traffic problems) for lunch, and then turned right around to get me back to Abby in time for work. It was amazing: we made it through construction and Vancouver, both ways, with no traffic. I was even a half hour early for work.
They left this morning, and it was sad again. But not too bad. This time I had to throw myself back into my neglected homework. I just prefer being the one who does the leaving.
So I went to my only class today, and the first thing I hear about is how 2 of my "friends"/classmates have recently gotten engaged. They are my age. They were looking at dress magazines and talking about weddings and their hubby-to-be's, and boy, was that ever a new experience.

Fij Numbo eg Shembok Twrily

No two people ever say the same thing. I mean, I guess that shouldn't be too surprising, especially being that we are in a world of innumerable languages. But really, think about it. No two people ever say the same thing. Ever. Ever! Every single human being on this planet has his own language. We each have a unique dialect. And yet, we are able to communicate with each other. A-mazing!
I downloaded an audiobook by Stephen Pinker called "The Stuff of Thought." I had to get an audiobook because otherwise I would have given up on it before I picked it up. I mean, I understand the language now that I am in Linguistics, but holy crow, it is a mind workout!
Anyway, he basically goes through how language can change everything, and, most fascinating to me, how we obtain it. When you really think about it, to concept of a baby--something that drools so much and is unable to fend for itself or control its bodily functions--a baby has this enormous task of learning how to speak. It sits there for a while, always listening to the random sounds that its parents use to communicate, and breaks it down grammatically. A baby is conscious of all of the fundamentals of language that I have been laboriously learning for the past month and a bit. And you know that the kicker is? The baby knows this stuff better than me! Bette than any linguistian!
It has been proposed that we are born with an innate grammar set. We already know the rules when we come out kicking and screaming (probably because we just really don't want to have to use that grammar). This has to be so, or else the quest for a mother tongue acquisition would be fruitless! Think about that! Did you think about it? Talk about a God-thing. I mean, even if a child were isolated and never in contact with a form of language, it would naturally create its own. His language, if dissected and studied, would even show use of adjectives, nouns, verbs, pronouns, articles, adverbs, and would follow syntactic and semantic rules! Why? Because it is upon these grammatical rules that all languages, no matter how strange, is created! I love it.
Another thing, a child, at 5 years old, is the smartest it will ever be. That kind of sucks huh? I mean, I now live with a 5 year old and basically, if all the things I am learning were put into terms that even I could understand, she learn this stuff faster and more solidly than I ever will. No fair!
The book is good so far, though if you want to read it, you might need to do it in small portions because your concept of pretty much everything is challenged. Even more fascinating is Pinker's bit on verbs, but I'm not that smart so I'll leave that discussion to him.
Oh, and by the way, if you look closely at my title, although non-sense, it is entirely grammatically correct! Dear lord, pray for me.

A Tale of Two Cities

This past week has been...a tale of two cities. My trip home was absolutely fabulous, and totally refreshing. It really felt good being back home and seeing everyone (and seeing people I knew); I never realized how many people read my blog!
So, a tale of two cities. Right. First of all, an update on how my 1st month at university has gone. I've already written 2 midterms, the first one being for Spanish and the second for Linguistics. The Spanish one was easy for me in the first place, but even to my surprise, I wrote it and obtained the highest mark in my class. Between that and the hand-in assignments which I've also been getting top marks at, I am at the top of my class! Woo-hoo! The second, for linguistics, I wrote mere hours before my flight home for the holiday. My head was fairly focused on the test, but lets face it, I was distracted. I was sitting behind the hottest guy in all of my classes too, which didn't affect me too much, but notably some. Anyway, I was one of the first people done the exam, but left so discouraged. I was convinced I bombed. I mean, I thought as logically as I could and really put an effort into it, but boy, I honestly thought I failed. So much so that my whole flight home was frustrating as I could not stop thinking about it. I couldn't even sleep that night because my brain would not shut off the linguistics. Nor did it for my whole weekend. I was seriously worried about it; I have only failed one test in my life and that was in Physics 30. I could not stand the thought of failing something, let alone in an institution as expensive as university! By the time I flew back out here, I was okay with failing, knowing that I would just have to push myself even harder and make up for the one failed midterm on the next 2 quizzes and the next midterm. Alas, in class on Tuesday, I realized that my weekend was merely a reality check and that in truth, I had pulled off a solid A with a 90.5% on the exam.
That was the good, and now, for the...I don't say want to say "bad," because that may not be so. It seems as if I have underestimated the costs of going to school. I am needing some serious prayers as it seems I am seriously lacking funding. I didn't take out as big of a loan as i could have because lets face it, loans suck. But I also was not expecting to be so long getting a job, or for the costs of goods to be so flipping expensive! I mean, I certainly have not been squandering my money since moving here. I've had to buy some clothes because my wardrobe was not entirely suitable for the climate, I don't eat out or go partying or out to movies, I have paid 2 months rent and damage deposit and for food, cell bill, tuition, books (which was twice as expensive as perceived), and then clothing for work at Starbucks (which was a seriously unexpected and un-budgeted expense), and now, with the end of the month looming, only a half month of work, rent coming up and some unpaid bills, and now registration for next semester and those fees (already!), I'm in the hole. So please, be praying that somehow the money turns up. I thank you all for all your prayers, and I have such confidence that God has me here for a reason and He didn't just bring me here to drown in unfamiliar waters, but I am at a loss. I'm not worried about it this time.
Back on the upside, I think I get to go back to Vintage this weekend as a carpool has been organized! After going back home and getting back to the church, I really realized how good it was to be taught again. I took it for granted for so long, or so it seems, that now, I've really realized how good it is to worship with other people and have my beliefs challenged and to be taught and to be having a relationship with God again. How easily I forgot! I've really been thinking about my relationship with God and my relationship with my job or studies, and in the past couple weeks I've really realized that God's usually getting the shaft. My courses have really been challenging my concepts of what is real socially and how it relates to me morally and spiritually, and how intricately we've been designed, even just our capacity create random sounds, give them meaning, communicate and most amazing is our acquisition of language! I mean, all I can really say is: "How?"
So that is that, for now. Hope I've helped fill in some blanks. Thanks for your continued prayer and love!

Mmmm. Mashed Potatoes

So, unbeknownst to most, I flew home this weekend to surprise most of my loved ones. I really wanted to be home for the weekend, and, it feels so good to see the familiar faces again.
So far, it has been good; I have seen so many of the folks I wanted to see, hugged a bunch of people, and been smiling and laughing for a few days straight. Like I said, it feels good to be here. Even though it seems so much more flat than I remember.
I've been thinking a lot about the past month and how my life has changed since I was last on the 806. It is...more than I thought it would be. Linden has not changed too much, but there are a couple things that have, or are in the process, and those are the things that I never really wanted to change. And they are small things too, so seemingly insignificant, but the few things that I call my very own.
Anyway, being back here has also realize how my definition of "home" has changed too. Linden feels good. I love so many people here, and I enjoy the prairies. I'm staying in my old house too and have been venturing to my usual haunts (I mean, I've only been gone a month!), but they are just not the same. This house, is not my house anymore, and I think that is the weirdest part. Sometime, even in the course of a month, without my consciousness knowledge, my home transitioned to Abbotsford. My stuff is all there, my room, my new job at Starbucks, my school, my bus route, trees, dogs, landlords...everything that demands my attention is in a whole other place now. All I have for Linden now are a town full of people I love and memories. It is so weird! I guess I am still working on finding my place in this world! I keep reminding myself, if it is this strange for me now, I can not imagine what it will be when I move to Latin America!

Days Go By

I am already preparing for my first midterm, which hits October 4th and is all about Linguistics. We had our first test in the same and I pulled off and even B- (70%). Pretty good, but far to average for my expectations of myself. I am not in school here, learning to be average--I want to excel! I mean, I know all this stuff, or I should, as all of the material is before me; I just need to figure out how to put the puzzle together.
Basically a whole month has gone by since I moved. I can not believe it! It feels like a lot longer. I mean, of course I miss home, of course I miss my family and friends, my job--everything. But I'm figuring it out, and it makes me feel all the more adult. I've made so many changes already, all for the better, and I can not wait for my loved ones to see me and to show them how I've succeeded thus far.
I went for a job interview for Starbucks the other day, and it went very well. I will know by Monday if I have a job there or not; please, please, please pray! I've also been making friends with far less difficulty. Well sort of. Although my LAS class is my favorite, the people certainly are not as friendly as those in my other two classes. The teacher rocks though: he was born in Brazil and grew up there and in Scotland, emigrated to Canada and has a thick English accent, as both of his folks were English (though he never once stepped foot on the Motherland's soil).
He is a doll.
My weekend plans this week are not yet made. Opps! No, I think I am going out for coffee with one of my Spanish classmates. Maybe We'll watch a movie here too, or something. My landlord's folks are flying in from Edmonton in a couple of hours, so this place is is going to be bustling with people.

Filtered

It has been a hard week. Throughout the past week there have been so many times when my brain has literally not stopped processing data from one morning to the next. Sleep has not been easy because of such a problem, and as result, my I've been feeling a little ill. Not too bad, but defiantly not 100%. My stomach has been reeling and churning, body aching, and feeling sore-throaty in the morning. Yech. Needless to say, this has been the week the weather changed to ran from sun.
Linguistics has begun to make more sense, though the course is not looking more like Chem in its formations and equations. The lexical component of the course has begun to stress me out, but apparently that is perfectly normal and will only get worse before it gets better and as we go through the course.
Latin American Studies has proven, so far, to be...so much more eye opening than I expected. It has shocked me how "Europeanized" our educational system really is. The blatant disregard for such a prominent part of the world is disgusting! And even worse is how we, as North Americans justify the abuse of Latin America. Allbeit, Canada is far better than the States and the damage has been done and was committed centuries ago. But, in the educational system I was brought up in, we did not learn about our other fellow Americans. We were taught about anti-communism controls put in place there, without also addressing the fact that communism would work far better in most Latin American countries than a democracy (did the USA not convert to a communist-like policy during the Great Depression to get back up on its economical feet? Why can the L.A. countries employ the same right of self-government? Oh yeah, the USA is, in most L.A. countries, allowed to step in and change up the govn't whenever they feel like it. Even now! Sick! Actually, Haiti was the 3rd established republic, right after the USA, and no one cares. Columbus landed at Hispaniola (now Haiti and D.R.) in 1482, long before anyone even knew about the USA, but the US use that same date to claim their discovery. Needless to say, LAS has really started to open my eyes to see just how filtered my education has been.
I've been making friends, however, and have weekend plans prospering and study times set. Yeah! I can't believe how much more positive it has made me.
This week, I have also manged to find a church that interests me. It seems like it might be a solid deal, and I am definitely going for a second time. It is MB, which is different than my previous "denomination," but I don't necessarily care so much about what they call themselves as much as I do care about what they're preaching, and this group of people seem to put God at the head of everything. It is a young church too, both age wise and people wise. They are still growing, and as of yet, seemingly don't have a building. Right now they are meeting in a theater in one of the cinemas in town. Sweet. Check its site out: www.vintage242church.com
I also have several job prospects. The most promising looks to be Starbucks, but a waitressing job might be in the works too. I have a third interview next Wednesday afternoon; praying, and praying, and praying that all goes well with that!
The guys factor is getting a little more rosy too. They seem to be more attractive now than they were 3 weeks ago. Unfortunately, there seems to be this underlying pressure to be with a significant other. Almost every one of the girls in all of my classes is dating, not that there is necessarily anything wrong with that I suppose. But it does have that wonderful effect of making me feel nakedly single. I mean, there are a few guys out there with whom I wish our relationship were perhaps a bit different and maybe a couple super hot guys at school here, but in in University solely for the purpose of getting educated enough to move thousands of miles from here without destroying a culture. That is why I am here (and I have, admittedly, been finding it necessary to remind myself of that fact); I don't plan on walking away with a hubby after 4 years. Not that I'll turn a guy away if he seems like a good match, but I need a guy willing and able to have a life with me that works as much with my goals as mine do with his. Otherwise it is simply unfair to one or the other, and that would break my heart either way.
Anyway, that is my rant for making me feel better about being single at the moment.
I have a TESL Association meeting in 4 hours; it is a "club" for people interested in teaching English as a second language here or abroad. It basically provides an outlet for people to network with each other and hear some real life experiences and help each other get their goals in motion. While I am not planning on beginning my career for another 4 years, it might prove very useful. I think it might be worth my time to join the club. We shall see.
That is, I think, about all worth mentioning for now. I'll let you know when my life starts to get interesting again!

P.S. For my 2nd Cousin: I am going to take some pics of school tonight, fingers crossed, and hope post them here in the next day or so. They won't be too pretty though, as the sky is gray and miserable. But the trees are still mostly green!

My New House

For the sake of Dad, I thought I would take a couple more pictures of my new house and post them here. Have no fear, I have never lived so richly!

The crazy washing machines that I have absolutley no idea how to work.

The living room and main entrance upstairs. This is shared space, not mine.

Our shared family room adjacent to the kitchen.

The kitchen. I love it! They want me to simply rifle through the pantry and eat anything I want. Still not used to that!

My den; a space all my own. Downstairs on ground level (of a 3 story house). I haven't yet had the time to really make it my own. I did, however, tidy up the thousands of textbooks and other books. You'd think I wasn't a student! Oh, the books on the table are just for one class, and there are to more on the right ledge by the stereo that go with them. All except one, I suppose, which is a lovely contribution by my second cousin out east. But that is he smallest book on the top of the giant stack. I have 4 more giant texts on top of those!

Freshman

Though not technically a whole week, I am done school until Monday--my first week of my first semester in university has come and gone. I've only had three days of class, but am already able to have a feel for how this semester is going to go.
Latin American Studies is likely to be the best class of the semester. The teacher is hilarious, the work load not too bad (though involving intensive reading and a massive term paper), and the subject is fascinating to me. Spanish is probably going to be next best; it involves lots of interaction between peers. However, it also requires at least 4 hours of computer work per week (2 of which I am to do in the language lab at the school somewhere), in addition to reading the text, and doing the workbook pages which relate to the text we're to read.
Lastly comes Linguistics. The course, so far, seems like it will prove to be quite challenging. The teacher is incredibly quiet, and though I sat at the front of the class, I still had a great deal of trouble following her. the professor also has a tendency to use highly grammatical language which is somewhat foreign to me. If it weren't for the fact that I know the course would be worth it, and 2nd year will be better, I might consider dropping it. For all you who don't know what Linguistics is, it is learning the descriptive science of language. So far, we're simply learning an incredible amount of grammar (something that was greatly omitted in my previous schooling...or so it seems) and soon we'll be learning basic syntax creation. It makes me sound smart, but as of yet, I have no idea what anything means. After all, I have only had a couple of classes of Linguistics.
Homesickness has so far mostly evaded me. That's not t say I don't deeply miss a great number of people, and don't wish my confidantes by my side at every minuet. I have not yet had a cup of coffee equal to that from Global Grounds. I miss my customers, and I miss my best friend's dog almost more than anyone else.
But this new place has been treating me well. My new landlords are unbelievably nice, my new house far more than I could have hoped for, and my new school better than any other I have seen. These factors have defiantly helped make the transition easier, and I am hoping to find a job soon and start feeling like I am part of a community again.
All in all, the adjustment to my new life has been going well. I haven't made any friends as of yet, but am getting to know more and more people everyday. Now, all I have to do is find people to go snowboarding with!

A New Chapter

Well, it has happened. My friends have gone their way and left me here in Abbotsford. I officially live here. My land lords seem awesome, my house is so much more than I was expecting, and school seems like it will be tons of fun. I'll find out tomorrow.
So I have some pictures below. Check them out!

My new bedroom, or rather, about half of my new room. It is about twice the size f my old one.

My living space and me in the bathroom in the back. Trust me. It is far bigger than it looks!

All of my earthly belongings packed into Laura's new van. that was one full van!

On the ferry on the way back from Nanaimo. Andrew, me, Laura, and Curt.

The view from the my house, and walk to the bus stop. When they said I lived on the top of a hill, they sure meant it. It about a leisurely half hour walk down hill to the bus stop.

On The Road

I'm writing this from the desk in my hotel room in Abbotsford on the night before I move into my new home. Shortly after arriving here early this evening (and after heading out early last evening), we went and found the house I'll be moving into. That's when the panic started coming in droves. I'll be okay though.
Our trip, so far, has been good. Quiet, but good. We ended up camping in Golden, BC last night in a campground with a grumpy manager. Our site was barely big enough for our tent and Highway 1 was rising right next to us so we got to hear the semi's downshifting all night long. But it was a place to sleep, and that we did. It was beautiful there too. I have some pics that I'll link up later.
The 5 hours of driving time today seemed to drag on though. It was tough. I didn't want to miss a thing, because it might be a long time before we drive out here all together again. I ended up snoozing, reluctently, for a couple of minuets though.
There are so many thoughts going through my head; some scare me, and some comfort. The ones that scare me are mostly of what is going to happen after my travel mates leave me here on Monday afternoon. What am I going to do? I'm already feeling lost and overwhelmed. I can't even find bus tickets! But I hear this anxiety is normal, so that counts as a comforting thought. It'll pass and I know I'll be okay. Hope that I settle in here quickly though, and find something to find familiarity in. There is a farm here, with cows and a big red barn. Right in the middle of the city. Maybe that will qualify. There are so many people though! I mean, I've travelled out here a couple of times, but travelling here and knowing that you'll be staying here for a couple years is a touch different. Just, please, keep praying for me.

Circa 2007

Two days out from my big move to BC, and I feel like all I am left with is the question, "Where did the last four months of my life go?" Between going to Toronto, Saskatoon, DEMO in Calgary, the West Coast, Edmonton, and State-side; between my roomies being gone; between late evenings at the Robinson's (which passed all too quickly)--when was there time for time to pass by?
I'm feeling somewhat sullen at this point. Tomorrow, my best friend leaves and I am not good at tear retention. Then I leave the next day, and I have to say bye to EVERYONE, while working. Note to self: invest in a lot of waterproof mascara. I mean, have no doubt, I am beyond ecstatic about my upcoming adventures, but the present is more than overwhelming enough to distract me.
Thursday afternoon I leave Linden 9just an hour and a half after I finish my last shift at the coffee shop), and I don't know for sure when I'll be back. I'm hoping Christmas for sure, but I can't say I will be financially set for that at this point.
I did find a house though (thanks to a fleet of prayers), and it seems pretty awesome. I'll have to put pics up here when I can. And my grants and loans and bursaries are all coming in. Everything that needs to be signed either is or will be shortly. The boxes are nearly all packed, the laundry just needing one more go, and the van is ready. We have our plans set, and the next two days of my life are not mine, but belong to everyone but me. I want time with everyone I can; I want to savor my last guaranteed moments with my friends and families.
UCFV starts on Tuesday, and I can't wait to be learning again. But does anyone know how to make this transition easier? I feel like I'm breaking up with everyone, and we all know how crummy that feels.

Becky Laslo

My Dad told me this morning that someone I grew up with in Beiseker died. She was 20 years old, and I don't know what did her in (other than that it was a disease, not an accident), but she died a couple weeks ago. We had the same name; her brother and I even share the same birthday. Our two families were close up until the time the moved away (I think I was going into Grade one or two) and have somehow found each other off and on again over the years. Talk about a surprise though.
Otherwise, life is back in working order. No more holidays for me, but that's okay. I really want to work again. Work that I should probably get back to now. I feel like swatting the thousand flies that keep flying into my head.

The Great Sliverwood

So, remember how I said I was heading of to Spokane for the weekend? Ya, that didn't exactly play out as planned. We had ventured down on the plan to catch some nitro drag racing at their raceway there, and turns out, the raceway hadn't even planned to show nitro drag racing (which was gay, being that their schedule had read so, and we had been told that it would go down as such). All in all I ended up spending a whole hour, maybe hour and a half in Spokane. Instead, our journey took us to northern Idaho.
Rather than come straight home (which would have wasted the 8 hours it took us to get down there), we decided to camp the night somewhere and go to the sweetest amusement park I've been to yet: Silverwood. It's got some pretty intense wooden roller coasters, which is what made it so cool. One went 55mph, and the other 65mph. The faster one even went underground 4 times, but I was too much of a sissy to do that one. I went on the slower one and came off shaky enough. And I wasn't feeling the greatest either, really.
It was a good trip; I kind of lost my wits at the end after being stuck in a car for hours when I REALLY didn't want to be. After the theme park, we had planned to camp another night in Yahk, BC, but the campground was full. As were all of the other campgrounds on the road home. And every single hotel, motel, lodge, and inn. We tried to find a place to stay up until 3am Sunday morning, before utterly giving up and deciding that no matter how tired we were, we had to go home. I don't drive, but still don't know how our 2 drivers made the trip happen. We pulled up in front of my house at 6:30am, which means our trip home was nearly 12 hours. I slept in my own bed (second or third time in 2 weeks!) until 1:12pm this afternoon.
So now I am home for three weeks and a bit, before we make our "last" road trip to move me out west. I have a week to myself too, in that time, which I'm really looking forward to. Some alone time, you know, to reflect and ground myself again. It'll be nice. Anyway, my typing skills are rapidly depleting, so I shall sign off.

It's Been a While

I almost had trouble remembering how to sign into blogger it has been so long since I've been here! The past month has been almost out of control. I've been multi-tasking to the nth degree, or so it feels like.
July started with 2 of my coworkers going to Mexico for 2 weeks. Being that there are only 4 people staffed at the coffee shop, this meant I had to do twice as much work. It was worth it though. The two weeks were an incredible amount of fun, however, and flew by far to quickly.
As soon as my co-workers came back, I took off to the city for four days. I volunteered to help lead the church's youth group while away at an inner city "missions"/ intensive volunteering program. It basically came down to this: 17 hour days of working and sweating your posterior off and slowly losing your ability to be naive and blind to the fact that we live in a broken and hurting world, and then doing literally all we could to better the life of someone else. In this case, we helped the homeless population of Calgary. It is made even more intensive in that the experience basically demands and develops into a need for complete selflessness. Intense, but so worth it. I have done the program a couple of times before, and was blessed again this time in meeting some amazing people who live on the streets.
Not saying that I am entirely selfless (nor am I by far), but I was lucky enough to have grown up in a struggling household; one that provided for itself at one point, and then couldn't later down the road. I've seen both ends of the scale, and guess what, I learned that there is now difference. I can not honestly see how 2 people can be comparable other than in the fact that they are both human. Nothing separates one from another, other than their personalities and uniqueness, and perhaps that is why I love going down the homeless shelter. I love people, and I love meeting them, regardless of any circumstance or conditions they're in. I mean, we're all people right?
The day after I got home from Calgary I took off to Vancouver for the weekend with a couple friends. We went to see Bela Fleck and the Flecktones (worth a listen to if I do say so myself) and got some sight seeing and "vacationing in to. We left at 10pm Friday night and got home 4am Tuesday morning. But boy, I can not wait until I move west!
That reminds me. I had some upsets a couple of days before I left for Calgary. I had about 3 days to find a buttload of money, or find a place outside of the dorms at school to live. I've ended up taking the latter, but trying to figure that one out in 2 days was a slightly hair raising experience! I asked a couple people to be praying that something would come up for me, a place to stay for cheap (I'm moving in less than a month!), and that my loans would come through soon, and both have basically been answered! I think I have found the perfect place to live, and the day we were leaving for the coast I got a package from the Government with pages needing signatures from someone at the school in Abbotsford (we stopped there on the way home and got that all taken care of) and now all I have to do is mail it and they will through the loan into my account. So thanks for the prayers guys.
Tonight I go off to Spokane for a couple days to take in some drag racing at the speedway. It's my last official vacation until I move, and my last chance to get away, so I hope things go well. I'm working a solid 3 weeks here, and then I'm done on the 30th. I can't believe that I'm saying that! Saying good-bye to the coffee shop is going to be impossible. I grew up here, in this building. This is where I transitioned from girl you young woman. It is my sanctuary, and I am going to deeply deeply miss it.

Ode to Billy Joe

The other day I had this really cool little thought, and I wrote it down. I don't really know what inspired it or anything, but it just kinda came out in a thought. Think about it:

It is the one thing that is truly universal; the one thing we are all yearning for, the one thing that will, ironically, undoubtedly let us down, no matter how hard we try. People, all over the world-- every minuet of every day of every year-- are under its control and there is no way to run away from it. Life. Life, true life, abounding livelihood, is the one thing that can motivate us to do the impossible, and the only universally common disease. It is susceptible to time, to love, and impacted by thousands of lives around itself during its existence. One person can not be immune from its rapture. There is no escape! There can be no genuine desire to abandon it; it is the greatest sacrifice that can ever be made. It is the fundamental paradox of all Creation: that something can be made to live and to die. Life can be created, destroyed, lost, found, reborn, and no matter what happens to it, it will always be eternal. Life is deemed too long and wished over for some, and for others it is too short. For some there is too much Life to live, and not enough time to do so, and for others, just being alive is too overwhelming. When it seems to end, the lost life will persist, ceaselessly, in another life. It is the Divine cycle: to awake, to breathe, to suffer, rejoice, cry, to grow, make mistakes, regrets, and after Life's years have dried up, it was created, ultimately, to end. Life was created to end, but not to be uncreated. It was designed for inevitable failure, despite Life's best efforts to remain alive. It will end. It all physically ends. But after the physical life comes the metaphysical life, and there, life will continue. Ceaselessly. Nothing can erase life.
We are not invincible. The same day will never be lived twice, and wasting time stuck in a rut means losing something that is more precious than may be commonly conceived. Moments should be savoured, remembered, loved--whether they bring happiness or pain, hope or disdain--all moments are fleeting. Grow in them. C'est le vie! Carpe diem! Vive! "O Captain! my Captain! rise up and hear the bells; Rise up--for your flag is flung--for you the bugle trills...."
Every day is a blessing, and God wholly wants to see His creations come alive in it. He wants to overwhelm us in the beauty He created, to taste life, to sweat life, to feel alive. He created everything--absolutely everything--be it by means of a big bang or gradual adaptation to changing environments (which HE changes, not David Suzuki); He wants them to be enjoyed and reveled in, and guess what, He created everything to end. Be it human life or anything else, He created the Divine cycle! Everything follows it, and it is simply another way of showing His awesomeness, and faithfulness in that He knows what He is doing, though we might not.
Sometimes everyone needs to hear "Seize the day" and wake up, again.

Anyway, I thought that was cool. Something my lazy brain needed to hear again, and the whole cycle thing and God's faithfulness deal is pretty encouraging at a time when all anyone it talking about is how the world is about to stop working altogether. Cool.

Stop the Discrimination!!!

I am sick of of hearing people complain about Americans. Seriously, people, stop! I hate to breakthe news, but believe it or not, there is no difference between the Americans and us Canadians. We are both people!
I was blessed to be raised in a home that allowed me to grow up and develop my own opinions on everything (I apologize if what I say here offends anyone, but afterall, these are just opinions of someone who is human). And, as part of my development, I have come to see all people as equal, regardless of their colour, ethnicity, beliefs, laws, etc. People are all the same. And I certainly don't feel that it is right to judge a man because of something he was taught; something created by man in the first place. Different people have diferent laws, and modern-day laws are man-made, and we all know that man is incapable of governing himself. We're all idiots, but God created us that way, and to Him that's perfect. I figure, if God can look down on this tangled mess we've created and still find it in His amazing heart to love us all equally, how could I think that my judgements should supercede His? But then, I realize, I am coming at this topic as a Christian and being that I have always believed in God, I can not understand and atheistic or apathetic veiw on this same topic.
However, back to my original rant. People need to stop thinking of the Americans as less than us Canadians. I mean, their laws and leadership is leaving somthing to be desired, but look at ours; Canada is tearing itself apart from sea to sea, and no one can agree with anybody on anything. So guess what, both countries are populated by people (who are even the same ethnicity!!!) and both have governments that aren't perfect. Big suprise. So why do so many folks say "those dumb Americans?" We are the same!!!! We are all human beings with opinions, likes, dislikes, goals, dreams, talents; stop building up walls folks!
I think I'm done. Hopefully my point came across clearly enough.

Finally Rested Up

This past weekend, a couple of my pals and I booked 'er out to Saskatoon for a show at their wicked Jazz Festival. It was so much fun, and a painfully quick trip. Seriously, we spent a whole 23 hours in Saskatoon and 12 hours or so driving.
We booked a hotel room for the night, which almost ended up being a waste in that I only got about and hour, tops, of sleep, three others got 3 os so, and one about 8. We were mostly all up and at 'em around 6am. We ended up walking around the city the whole next day too, so our poor drivers had some troubles keeping their eyes open on the trip home (which started around 11:30pm and ended back home around 6am Sunday morning). But, the best part was that for some reason our trip was seriously blessed.
Thursday night my glasses broke, my titanium frames, and I was told the following day that the sudden and unfounded break was irrepairable. It was supposed to cost me anywhere from $150-over $200 to get new frames for the glasses I bought back in Feburary. I can't afford that! Anyway, one of the guys who went to the festival with us just so happened to have an uncle in Saskatoon and who just so happened to be one of the four people in western Canada to have a laser welding machine. We took the glasses into the uncle on Saturday and he not only fixed my frames (and laser welding was the only way to fix titanium), but he did it free of charge. Talk about a blessing! Goodness! And coincidence? I think not! Not only that, but we had no car troubles, gas was cheaper than anticipated, our hotel room was thankfully held for us (we were 9 hours late for check-in), we ended up having someone give us a free parking pass for the whole next day, and we picked up the tickets with no problem (there were MANY expected). Actually, we ended up having the whole Saturday afternoon to ourselves!
We were first at the gate for the concert of the amazing Herbie Hancock when we met a man named Terri. This man, and his sweet wife, bought us the most collosal pizza i have ever eaten (or seen!), just because they met us. We spent our entire evening with them. They sent us off that evening with the pizza, and a fatefult timing. My one friend who got us all to the event is the a huge fan of Herbie and his Quartet, and because of Terri and his wife, he was able to meet him. Seriously, after the pizza and on our way out of the hotel, Herbie was walking into the lobby as we were about to walk out. My friend got to meet him and his autograph and was pretty much in a silent state of shock for the rest of the night/morning. Even now he is floored at the fact that he met Herbie.
Anyway, it was awesome, truly. I put some pictures of it on my facebook. I took some really great pics of the beautiful town of Saskatoon (I should have anyway, being that I was out taking most of them at 4:30am and the light then is stunning!).

Demo Crew Here I Come!!

Four years ago I had my very first taste of reality through a program called Demo Crew. Basically, this program takes a youth group into the inner city of Calgary and strips them of any boundries and comfort-zones they may have had before. In Demo Crew, there is no room for stereotypes, there is no room for judgement, there is no choice but to grow. Simple: you can not go through that program and not have had a glimpse of how awesome, and imperative God is.
My first year, on my first day, I hated it. Well sort of. I knew I would rather have been at home than sleeping on a col churches hardwood floor. My leaders had challenged us to leave everything at home: expectations, cd players and mp3s, emotional baggage, showering--everything! I it was so hard. But I returned home a different person, and enlightened person, and a person with a heart to heal and help the broken, and a heart that accepts diversity as a beautiful thing. I returned the following year, again, not expecting a thing. And guess what? My enlightenment was even more intense. Then I went to Mexico the following summer, and last year I worked. Now this year, I have the privilage of returning to Demo as a youth leader, and the chance to see other lives changed and naiivety disappear. It's only four days of intense ministry, but holy man, can it ever change the course of your life!
I'm thrilled that God has bropught this back into my life right before I move away. The timing is just perfect, well, for the most part. I mean, I have to take time off of work to do this thing, which sounds like it will result in less road tripping and vacationing, but God has laid this so heavily on my heart that I couldn't possibly say no. I mean, if there were any better way for me to spend four days of my week, I couldn't possibly think of it. I love volunteering! It's been so long since I was last in inner city Calgary for that purpose.
Any how, this isn't happening until the end of July, but if you think of it, prayer would be awesome; prayer is essential for the kids going and the leaders leading!

Little by Little

It seems yet another week has sliped by me. This keeps happening. I'm making head-way, in small and larger ways, with my upcoming move out of province. Today I finally set up an account at a national bank.
I can't believe that a month ago I was in Ontario. Oh how times flies! I keep dreaming of going back to the cottage and bumming around with my sweet realtions; they seem a lot cloer in my dreams than they really are.
There has been little but rain this week. Lots of thunderstorms too. Everything has seriously greened up. I love green; it means life and rejuvination.
So it looks like I might be a leader for a youth even coming up at the end of July. I hope the idea pans out . It's this thing called "Demo Crew," and basically involves sleeping in a church and clocking in insane hours of volunteering in a homeless shelter in downtown Calgary. I've been several times in the past, and it changed the course of my life and my outlook on life entirely. For once, I can say there is a program I believe in. I dearly pray that another bunch of kiddies can go in and see what's up in the real world.
As this summer starts chugging my way, all I hear are stories of everyone's plans for the fall. One of my oldest friends is moving to New Zealand, another one is moving to Austrailia, ones already in Thailand, most of my high school chums are already in Calgary, one of my dearest plans to book 'er to England, one to Manitoba, me to BC, another back up to Edmonton, and two, I believe, will be remaining in Linden. I can't believe how spread apart we're getting. I come from a town of 700 or so, and it seems like a great portion of them are going international all at once. I hope they all know that I plan to hit them up for a place to stay in my travels!
Well, with that I suppose I should call it a night. Good eve to all, and to all a good night!

My Very First Energy Drink

So this week has been one for the books. Once again, a polar opposite from the beginning of the week to the end; I am thrilled to say I ended the week on top of the world.
God has, undoubtedly, been humored by me in the past little while. He's not the one testing m patience or faith, but rather a bystander, watching how I react to doors opening and closing. And then opening again. Turns out I can get a government loan for UCFV Abbotsford (which I have now applied for), and now the church has decided that they want to financially support my venture to college. No kidding! I'm speechless. I mean, the last thing I want is for the church to be thinking that I'm just in it to get monies out of them, which I'm not. I just want to go to school! Oh how I want to be learning again!
I move in to rez in 82 days or so. I think. I can't believe how the time flies. I mean, less than a year ago, I had no idea where I was going, was struggling to regain confidence after my first break-up, just moving out on my own, and basicaly learning the ways of adult life. I'm now a successful young lady, with three jobs (until the end of the month, when I'll say "So long!" to Cousins), the ability to fend for myself, and more confidence than I ever had before. Most of the time. I'm happier now to, far happier.
So anyway, in my meeting with the elders and pastor, I divulged that I might perhaps like to work for the UN or Greenpeace at some point in my life. Unfortunatly, this confession was met primarily with scoffing and some judgements (except from a couple men, who told encouraged me to give 'er beans). I'm thinking along the lines of foreign aid and/or their program UNESCO, which brings education and sciences into the counrties of the world where such things are currently lacking or unavailable. I think that is great! I don't believe a single person in this world lacks the right to be educated on anything, and I don't fully believe that I must evangelize the person first and teach them later, after they've accepted Christ. I am not a missionary. I am a teacher yes, a linguist no doubt, and my heart for this broken world of ours is undeniable, but I believe that God can be found and revealed in the ordinary day, through a verse of Shakespeare or the way a language flows. I believe that the subtle revelation can be the most powerful (a favorite of example of this is "The Lake Isle of Innisfree" by W.B. Yeats, check it out and see what he is saying!). I realize that the corporations cited above have become somewhat corrupt and broken, just like the rest of the world. But as far as I can tell, if God has laid such things on my life, such venues, why should I be judged if I want to work for them? Not everyone is called to work in a Christian environment! I mean, most of my life, I feel, I am going to be in a strongly Roman Catholic environment, but I have no doubt that God will be placing me there for some reason.
All said and done, I am fully excited and anxious to see where the good Lord is taking me. It obviously starts at school, as He is literally carrying me there. Thigns keep coming together, and my passions for what I am wanting to do are getting intensified daily. Honestly, sometimes I feel just so fully of excitment and hopefulness that I feel like I don't have enough sking to retain all the emotion. But then again, that might just be because I am a girl.

Monday Mornings Suck

Oh how I wish I were still on vacation. I'm stressing out unlike ever before; this week I register for classes, might be taking a test for school, am trying (and failing at that) to get some student loans in the works, and working full time every day. And on top of that, nothing is working. Everything is breaking. I'm breaking.
So this morning I have been making a third attempt at starting a loan file for the government, but everytime I try, either the site or internet crashes. Today I finally got far enough through the whole works only to find that the government does not (as far as I could tell) support students on the Abbotsford campus of UCFV. Now I'm thinking: "Oh God, what am I going to do?" No matter what I do, I will not have nearly enough money for school unless I get some loans, but now I don't know where to get those!
Three months to go until all is said and done. Boy howdy, how will this whole thing turn out??

Day Seven: Culture Shock

So I've already been grounded for 2 days, but have been hard at work and trying to debrief myself from my arguous journey. Okay, so maybe it wasn't so arguous but it was long and most definately overwhelming.
It's hard to say, exactly, how my trip affected me. Nothing bad came as a result, which was to be expected, but it seems as if so much good came of it that my brain simply can not digest all that happened. I felt connected. I have a family. I really, truly have realized that I am not alone in this vast world. I know where my laugh comes from, where I get my nose, my sense of humour, my wits, my passions, my strengths--my history. I know the story behind my own: where my folks come from, where Dad's uncle, Grand-dad's, and uber great Gran-dad's hail from and what amazing things they did with their lives.
Growing up I know nothing of the Tomlinson's (nor of the Mills') and now, I know fully that I come from a line of people who have done great things with their lives. Here I had always thought and been told that my family tree had been lazy bums, but that's not the case at all! I would like to thank everyone who set me straight. I'm proud to be a Tomlinson.
Anyway, the trip home was alright. I was excited to be going home as I missed some people a lot, but terribly sad to be leaving Ontario. I've also come to realize that I am as much and Ontario-an as I am Albertan. I was with complete strangers (despite the blood relations) and on strange turf, and yet was completely at home. Is that naive?
At the airport, after a lovely last meal with my Aunt and Uncle, I was forced to part ways with them. Going through security I was choking up, but managed to hold it in until I passed through. I of course had to call Dad from the airport and talk to him to feel grounded again, and there I was, blubbering the whole time. But not like, all out crying; tears just seemed to fall from my eyes on their own steam. Weird.
The plane ride home wasn't exactly comfortable either. I sat next to a lovely couple on their way to Vegas and enjoyed getting to know them, and out flight attendents were quite commical, but there was so much turbulence. At one point the Captain had to issue a warning vocally and turn on the seat belt sign and we were just tossing and bouncing everywhere. Coming into Calgary was the worst though. I've never gone through turbulence that bad. Despite that, I was laughing the whole time. Turbulence, so far to my experiences, is fun.
David and Curt picked me at the airport and we came home right away, much to my appeasement. However, I quickly learned that my homecoming would be one filled with work. Withing hours of touching down I was at work, and then worked another 10 hours the next day, and was supposed to today. Except today...it SNOWED! It snowed at the end of May; thick heavy snow that took off all the limbs from trees and our power lines. I thank God for my earlier-than-expected day of rest. The snow's already melting and the power is finally back on (came back around 5:30pm after going off at 10am) and my clothes are starting to dry. And I write this all now from the most comfortable place I know...

Day Four, Five, and Six: The New World

The past few days have been unbelievably busy, and unbelievably short. Friday was spent mostly with Aunt Barb and Uncle Mark. We went for a bit of a hike in a beautiful valley, and just enjoyed each other's company. Later that evening we ventured over to Uncle Tim and Aunt Sue's for tea and cookies on our way out to Aunt Peg's and Uncle Don's (where I stayed for the night). I got to visit with my cousin Heather for a bit, met my adorable little cousin Sarah (who is actually 5), and hung out with her older brothe Eric, who was maybe a year old last time I saw him (8 years ago!). People have gotten older!
Saturday morning came bright and early with a 6:30am wake-up call. That's the earliest I crawle out of bed since I got here! Aunt Peg and I then went to pick up my Aunt Kathy and the three of us girls booked 'er out to the Tomlinson cottage on Gull Lake. We stopped in Little Britain and got these amazing, unwholesome treats called "Chelsea Buns," on our way. They were fabulolus.
We met Mark, Tim and Eric at the lake and so began my very first weekend of "cottaging." I loved it! The lake was stunning. It was a wee bit nippy so I didn't go in, but there were plenty of boat rides and fireworks, games and photo ops. It was so much fun! Except for the huge spider I brought in with the wood. Oh, and the cottage had been broken into sometime before we got there (which is weird because the cottage is on an island). And the fact that the place smelled of moth balls. But other than that, I loved it!
Kathy taught me how to play Chinese checkers and, with joint effort, she and Mark showed me up at crockinole.
Sunday I was taken to Minden and given the Kawartha dairy experience (similar to the Foothills Creamery out West), which was fabulous. In the evening, much to little Eric's amusement, we set of some fireworks (Roman Candles) and lit some GIANT sparklers. I love Ontario!
We came back to civilization yesterday. I was sad to leave to cottage, and even more sad to realize that the end of my vacation was fastly approaching. Peg and I stopped by an apple market and I picked up some Apple Butter (some for Mom and Dad too) and real maple syrup. I can't wait to have some back home. I was able to have a longer visit with Heather and Don yesterday too. Heather and I went on a bike ride all 'round Streetsville, which was rather exerting.
I was back at Barb and Mark's for supper and a quick unpack and repack. We drove into Toronto for the fireworks last night, and stood right across from the Expo and on the shore of Lake Ontario. It was breath-taking! The vast expanse, the fireworks everywhere, the view; it was amazing.
So this whole trip has been busy as ever, but definatly eye-opening. I've really learned a lot about my parents and where I come from. It's weird because, despite the fact that I have basically been away from these people all my life, we have the same antics, the same strengths, the same trains of thought, senses of humor....It has been amazing to see myself being related to people. It's been fascinating learning more about my parents and seeing similarities (and oh, how many!) between my Dad and his younger siblings. Even more cool is seeing just how functional my family actually is. I was blown away by how Dad's family actually loves him and how some of his younger siblings deeply care about him. I was humored by the Grandma Mills and how she is so funny (she has such a witty humor). These are people I was either terrified of or unaware of growing up, but really, they are all amazing people!
All in all, to this point, I have decided that I am a Tomlinson/Mills from Alberta/Ontario (and a little BC). I was expecting to be more one than the other I guess. But as Aunty Barb said at the airport: "You're a perfect blend of your Mom and Dad." Makes sense, now that I can actually see it.

Day Three: The Five

Today was a little bit slower than the past couple, thank goodness; not nearly as much travelling!
I slept in this morning (although I am still not adjusted to the time difference, so my body thought it was waking up early) and went out for lunch with my Aunt and Uncle at this huge, and I mean huge, Chinese buffet. It was huge. On our way home, Uncle Mark took us for a quick stop at Erindale Park and the Credit river, and on a tour of "Millionaire's Road," which fully lived up to its name. How and why people can have houses like that bewilders me.
This afternoon Aunty Barb and myself went off shopping to the main mall in Mississagua, not so convieniently named "Square One." We decided to be big spenders and absolutley splurged on some $7 flip-flops and frozen yogourt. But I had a lot of fun hanging out with my Aunt.
Then, the coolest part of the whole day was the drive-on. We booked 'er over to a drive-in ttheatre just down the road and watched a new movie, "Next," which came complete with cheesy (and yet surprisingly cool) old promo's for the lobby and hot dogs, oh, and frozen dill pickles. Very bizzarre. But, overall, the whole experience rocked. And it was a butt load cheaper than the theatre.
Tomorrow is my last real day, that I am aware of, at my Aunt Barb and Uncle Mark's. Tomorrow night I move up to my other Aunt and Uncle's place (after visiting briefly with another Aunt and Uncle and wee cousins) for the night to visit with my cousin before moving up to the cabin for a couple of days. Then, Monday sometime, I'll be back in Mississagua for the night and flying home around noon Tuesday. So I guess my whirlwind vacation is far from being completed and I have at least another 13 hours or more of pure travelling before I reach my lonesome bed back in tiny ol' Linden.

Day Two: The Olde World

Yesterday was another day full of travel; I was exhausted by the time I got back to my Aunt and Uncle's place.
It was my first time ever on the train, and the experience over-all was fabulous! I was completely in awe of the beauty of this place. The trip down to Kitchener was breath-taking; I tok so many pictures! Then, when the train pulled into Kitchener, I was not only greated by my second cousin, but even my Grandparents came to pick me up. It was so sweet! We promptly went back to Grandma and Grandpa's place and had chicken noodle soup. Awesome! I always wanted to go for chicken noodle soup at my Grandparents place! We visited for a while before my cuz and I had to depart. I was sad, but know that I should come back and visit them before long.
My cuz is pretty much the keeper of all knowledge about Kitchener/Waterloo. He took me on a tour (we were on foot thank goodness) of Kitchener: my mom's old old house, Victoria Park, WLU, where he works, the first house in Kitchener. He took me to his house and showed me a bunch of old pics of mom's family and his, gave me a couple books I'm looking forward to reading, and then out for supper at this old boat house in Victoria Park, convieniently named "The Boathouse." We killed a couple of hours there talking about pretty much everything under the sun and then, sadly, headed up to the train station again. My day went so quickly! I had taken so many pictures, walked so many km's, and I ended up where I had started none-the-less. It was a whirlwind, but insatiably fascinating trip to "Berlin," as it was formerly named. It truly is a beautiful city though. I mean, it obviously has it's problems, but it could easily wet the appetite of any creative mind.

Day 1: Landing in Unfamiliar Territory

I'm in Toronto!!! And guess what, I'm dealing with my very first (ever) bout of homesickness. That's right, I miss home and I have only been gone for a couple hours! This is so strange for me!
Anyway, I'm enjoying the Toronto bit so far, despite missing my bed and friends. And my sweet new mirror. It is 11pm here, insanely humid, at least 20-some degrees, raining (thunderstorms actually), smelling lovely and everything is so green. The tulips here are like 3 feet tall! This place is just breath-taking. Everything is so green, Lake Ontario is right close, beautiful parks, houses, perfect jogging terrain...if it weren't for the fact the most of me is a West Coast girl, I would move here in an instant. I mean, I'm in the middle of Mississagua and I feel like I'm in a village somewhere, a small one. With really rich people.
My Aunty Barb and Uncle Mark picked me up from the airport this afternoon with no problem. In fact, I had no problems at the airport what-so-ever. The flight was long, but chekcing in, security, baggage--it all was taken care of within 25 minutes. A serious blessing. And landing and recognizing people I haven't seen in nearly a decade from across the room; I was trillled to see that I have some sort of magnetic pull towards my family members. They promptly brought me home, fed me yummy spaghetti, and took me out to a church ladies meeting which focused on how to minister to Muslims. I wonder why God brought me all the way to Ontario for me to hear that; to have it primarily be my first activity in this undiscovered land seems more than coincidential. In fact, on every vacation, my first activity at m destination is always something to do with a church. Coincidence???
Tomorrow morning requires some day travel though, so it is in my best interest that I retire. It has been a long, long, long day.

Two Days!!!

May: glorious May. What a month it has been to date. I mean, the past two weeks have been something else. I have been frantically trying to get everything in order for my trip down east, syaing good bye to a lot of friends, and some are coming back to me (and oh how I have missed them!!), planning course schedules for college, as well as racking up an impressive long distance cell phone bill between calls to BC and Ontario. Crazy!
I am quite pleased to say that life is going swimmingly at the moment. I've been doing a lot of self-reflection (as I have learned is important from time to time) and been making some positive changes in my life; all in all, I have firmly realized that right now, I am exactly where I want to and am supposed to be. I am thrilled about connecting with my family, my job, my friends...everything is the way it should be. Awesome.
Well, I guess I should getting going. The girls and I are going on an Ikea run this afternoon. Now, if that doesn't make us domestic, young women, I don't rightly know what does!