I suppose it has actually been more than one week since I last wrote here, but not much has happened. I've been busy working on a number of papers, midterms, essays, projects, and trying to squeeze in some hours at Starbucks. It's been pretty constant. We had "reading week" here last week--the break consisted of a Monday and Tuesday. I was fortunate enough to have Sunday to Wednesday free to work on the pile of work I was given, and I even got most of it done.
I'm healthy again too, which is nice. I'm kind of tired, but for the most part I am well. I burned my arm on the oven door on Tuesday in an attempt to keep the dog from snagging the chicken off the pan. It's been a rather nasty experience. First is was considerably moist. It was oozing for a few days, but then finally scabbed up. Now it is dry and cracking and bleeding. I have a cream that I have been putting on it, but it just doesn't seem to be aiding anything at all.
I've been stressed. Really stressed. But I am pulling through, painfully, but getting through this nonetheless. I need to pick up some serious extra hours at Starbucks if at all possible, which means my homework and sleep time will have to be somewhat sacrificed, but my hours are being cut back without my consent and I am having trouble getting enough money to make rent, let alone pay my bills and down my debt. Stupid taxes. I have those to do as well. Being a grown up is hard.
My friends have been fantastic though. I've come to adore a great number of the people I have met out here, and leaving them to head home for the summer will be tough, despite the fact that I am returning to a town full of people I love. I like it though.
I got an A on my first of three linguistics tests today, which is very comforting. Up until this past week or two, I have not had a single assignment or test. Now I am beginning to really see how well I am doing in my classes which really helps! My walls at home are covered in sticky notes again, but now there are maps, and current events that I've cut from the Globe and Mail as well. It helps. It all helps.
I've seemingly gotten into the habit of doing some intense physical activity to help deal with my stress. I burden myself with a muscle-numbing workout when I am too stressed to sleep, or in my "freak out" moments when I really have no sight of the light at the end of the tunnel. I wouldn't say that it helps me in any other way than giving me a sense of accomplishment. It's pretty cool.
The weather out here has been amazing. The patio at work is open. It is February. I never thought I would see the day when people would be wearing shorts and skirts in February in Canada and not be frozen. Wonderful.
Anyway, that is a wee bit of an update on me. I'm still alive and pumping blood, but life has me running around like a crazy-person.
Monday, February 25, 2008
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Another Week, Another Illness
So I am sick again, but I'm already getting over it. I took all of Tuesday off and slept for about 13 hours, and I was feeling better for work on Wednesday.
I have this one class that makes me feel like I am wasting my time. English 105 is pretty much a review of what I feel is common sense, and all the same things my High school English teacher taught me. I mean, seriously. I had to pass some lame placement exam to get me in a class that is simply a review of High school English?? How stupid is that? Oh well, I have to take it if I--it is a core requirement on my Bachelors degree, and I need it before I can go into any other English classes. It's just one of those things that you just wish you didn't have to waste your time on....
As far as my other classes go, I must admit, I just do not feel like I am putting in the time they demand. I mean, I get the readings done, I take the notes, and my comprehension is there, but, for instance with Linguistics, I just can't recall the information when I need to. I also have several assignments, papers, and presentations which are already coming up with looming due dates--and midterms (already!!!!!!!) to go with them...and then there will be finals again in a month and a half, and then what? And then what indeed.
I'm thinking that I'll be headed back to Linden for the whole summer, and will then try to find some work to use up all that lovely free time I will have. I went to work the other day, and it was a fabulous day too, and I realized that I'll likely only have another month or two with that job, and it made me light hearted--and sad.
I think this past Saturday was to worst day of work I have ever had. I went home and felt like the customers had taken part of my soul; I just felt like I was done with people and was so happy to go home to an empty house and wallow in my self pity. But then on the other hand, my co-workers are some f the best people I have ever met, and my heart will be sad when I say goodbye to them. Even worse, leaving the family that I live with now! Goodness, I never expected to grow so close to the family I moved in with ( which was a very naive assumption on my behalf, and if you know me at all, you will understand why), and moving out of their house will be incredibly sad. They don't feel like my own family, but they certainly have a very special place in my heart. I firmly believe that a great deal of my success out here and my ability to adapt to life out here was because of them and their open hearts. Such wonderful people, let me tell you!
Anyway, so that is the news. I have to get going to my lame-o class now. You know what? I am looking forward to summer even for the reason that I will have something more stimulating and less repetitious to write about other than school and work and school and work and...you get the point.
I have this one class that makes me feel like I am wasting my time. English 105 is pretty much a review of what I feel is common sense, and all the same things my High school English teacher taught me. I mean, seriously. I had to pass some lame placement exam to get me in a class that is simply a review of High school English?? How stupid is that? Oh well, I have to take it if I--it is a core requirement on my Bachelors degree, and I need it before I can go into any other English classes. It's just one of those things that you just wish you didn't have to waste your time on....
As far as my other classes go, I must admit, I just do not feel like I am putting in the time they demand. I mean, I get the readings done, I take the notes, and my comprehension is there, but, for instance with Linguistics, I just can't recall the information when I need to. I also have several assignments, papers, and presentations which are already coming up with looming due dates--and midterms (already!!!!!!!) to go with them...and then there will be finals again in a month and a half, and then what? And then what indeed.
I'm thinking that I'll be headed back to Linden for the whole summer, and will then try to find some work to use up all that lovely free time I will have. I went to work the other day, and it was a fabulous day too, and I realized that I'll likely only have another month or two with that job, and it made me light hearted--and sad.
I think this past Saturday was to worst day of work I have ever had. I went home and felt like the customers had taken part of my soul; I just felt like I was done with people and was so happy to go home to an empty house and wallow in my self pity. But then on the other hand, my co-workers are some f the best people I have ever met, and my heart will be sad when I say goodbye to them. Even worse, leaving the family that I live with now! Goodness, I never expected to grow so close to the family I moved in with ( which was a very naive assumption on my behalf, and if you know me at all, you will understand why), and moving out of their house will be incredibly sad. They don't feel like my own family, but they certainly have a very special place in my heart. I firmly believe that a great deal of my success out here and my ability to adapt to life out here was because of them and their open hearts. Such wonderful people, let me tell you!
Anyway, so that is the news. I have to get going to my lame-o class now. You know what? I am looking forward to summer even for the reason that I will have something more stimulating and less repetitious to write about other than school and work and school and work and...you get the point.
Monday, February 04, 2008
32 is the D F in which W F
Another Monday has come, and pretty much gone, and now I am left sitting in the sorry excuse for a "cafe" at my school for two hours, waiting for the bus to come and take me home. I wait the two hours because the bus that comes at 10:05pm will take me right to my house, whereas the bus that I would have to connect with (otherwise) at the mall, which leaves at 10:03pm, would only take me as far as the bus stop, which is a 13-30 min. hike from my house, depending on the load I'm carrying on my back (which, on Mondays, consists of: 1 laptop and lap top bag with cords, 3 textbooks, one of which is hardcover, 1 notebook or binder, food containers and a water bottle, and various small items, in addition to my 130lb. self and bulky-ish winter jacket--after 9 hours of classes). Thus the reason I have decided to be lazy and wait for the bus to drive me home.
This week has been...a week. It was not the most catastrophic of weeks, and not the best of weeks by any means. I feel somewhat as though I let myself down, perhaps. A social situation arose this week, for which I was unprepared to deal with, and I feel as though I handled it most immaturely. It might not have bothered me so much but for the fact that I am blessed enough to be a leader to some younger girls, and I don't feel right advising them to act assertivly, when I myself don't take my own advice. Sometimes, in certain situations, I get flustered somewhat easily.
On the upside, however, I got the chance to briefly see a familiar face this past week. One of my old classmates from Acme lives here in Abbotsford (I think I have seen him three or four times now, since I moved out here), and he dropped my my house for a wee bit. It was cool seeing someone I actually know from home again. I mean, I know I was just home a couple weeks ago, but it almost feels like Linden and Abbotsford are entirely mutually exclusive. if that makes any sense; the two places certainly don't coincide, and I am even somewhat outwardly different in both places. I mean, obviously I am more outgoing back home because everyone knows me and I know everyone, and here it is not the same case. I mean, I have a ton of friends here, but our relationship is somewhat different as we are all students, working part time and at school full time, and many of my friends commute to Abby. It makes it somewhat difficult, but I'm getting used to it. I have a couple outings in the works at the moment, which is really encouraging.
As far as summer holidays go, I still don't know what I want to do. To be honest, I would really like to not be working at Starbucks the whole time; it is waning on my, not that it ever particularly thrilled me, and I am about done dealing with the majority of the customers we serve. Plus, I feel like it is a violation of my moral beliefs, and a total false front--it makes me feel no better than I think it would if I were one of the higher ups for Chiquita bananas or Dole or Del Monte, or something. But they have a benefits program which pays for my glasses and contacts, basic dental and medical, and you know what? I am a student--those benefits are important and far better than the health care plan that my school has! Plus, I have come to adore my co-workers. Anyway, back to summer: please pray!! I am headed home for 3 weeks in July to lead a crew of young ones into DEMO crew again this year, and I would really love, more than anything, to head south for a bit, for numerous reasons. And then there is the question of where I am going to live in the fall, for the summer while I am here, if I am, where I'll keep my stuff if I head back home for the full 5 months, where I will be working for the summer, after the summer...to many things that are filling my mind and pulling my focus away from my studies, which are far more important at the moment. So yes, prayer would be...would be wonderful.
The best moment of this past week: well, the 2 snow days we had were fabulous--especially being that there was only a couple feet of snow--and the fact that my cat is a Rastafarian. She was a wee bit testy one day; I turned on some Bob Marley, "Three Little Birds," and she just calmed right down. She rolled over onto her back with her little feet up in the air and passed out. I was happy that she stopped trying to scratch my innocent knee, and very tempted to find her some catnip....
This week has been...a week. It was not the most catastrophic of weeks, and not the best of weeks by any means. I feel somewhat as though I let myself down, perhaps. A social situation arose this week, for which I was unprepared to deal with, and I feel as though I handled it most immaturely. It might not have bothered me so much but for the fact that I am blessed enough to be a leader to some younger girls, and I don't feel right advising them to act assertivly, when I myself don't take my own advice. Sometimes, in certain situations, I get flustered somewhat easily.
On the upside, however, I got the chance to briefly see a familiar face this past week. One of my old classmates from Acme lives here in Abbotsford (I think I have seen him three or four times now, since I moved out here), and he dropped my my house for a wee bit. It was cool seeing someone I actually know from home again. I mean, I know I was just home a couple weeks ago, but it almost feels like Linden and Abbotsford are entirely mutually exclusive. if that makes any sense; the two places certainly don't coincide, and I am even somewhat outwardly different in both places. I mean, obviously I am more outgoing back home because everyone knows me and I know everyone, and here it is not the same case. I mean, I have a ton of friends here, but our relationship is somewhat different as we are all students, working part time and at school full time, and many of my friends commute to Abby. It makes it somewhat difficult, but I'm getting used to it. I have a couple outings in the works at the moment, which is really encouraging.
As far as summer holidays go, I still don't know what I want to do. To be honest, I would really like to not be working at Starbucks the whole time; it is waning on my, not that it ever particularly thrilled me, and I am about done dealing with the majority of the customers we serve. Plus, I feel like it is a violation of my moral beliefs, and a total false front--it makes me feel no better than I think it would if I were one of the higher ups for Chiquita bananas or Dole or Del Monte, or something. But they have a benefits program which pays for my glasses and contacts, basic dental and medical, and you know what? I am a student--those benefits are important and far better than the health care plan that my school has! Plus, I have come to adore my co-workers. Anyway, back to summer: please pray!! I am headed home for 3 weeks in July to lead a crew of young ones into DEMO crew again this year, and I would really love, more than anything, to head south for a bit, for numerous reasons. And then there is the question of where I am going to live in the fall, for the summer while I am here, if I am, where I'll keep my stuff if I head back home for the full 5 months, where I will be working for the summer, after the summer...to many things that are filling my mind and pulling my focus away from my studies, which are far more important at the moment. So yes, prayer would be...would be wonderful.
The best moment of this past week: well, the 2 snow days we had were fabulous--especially being that there was only a couple feet of snow--and the fact that my cat is a Rastafarian. She was a wee bit testy one day; I turned on some Bob Marley, "Three Little Birds," and she just calmed right down. She rolled over onto her back with her little feet up in the air and passed out. I was happy that she stopped trying to scratch my innocent knee, and very tempted to find her some catnip....
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Sushi and Black Pills
As January rolls out, it was only fitting that we get some nasty weather. All available transit was shut down yesterday--and I was completely stranded after leaving work. The taxis were not running up my mountain because of the seriously slick road conditions, and for the same reason, my land lady was unable to come and pick me up. I was like: "Problem solving!" Really, I had no idea what I was going to do. But thankfully, my land lady is super woman and she figured out a way for me to get home. Thank goodness.
In the good ol' way of the Fraser valley, however, most of the snow and ice soon melted, and today, only sidewalks remain to be shoveled, and almost all the other snow is gone or has been shaped in gigantic snowmen.
In fact, later last night, the weather had completely changed and the roads were again drivable. Taking advantage of this, my land lady and I decided to head out for sushi, rather than muster the motivation to make food for ourselves. so we went, and it was good. We split some veggie tempura (yum, by the way), I had some simple California rolls, and one piece of Unagi (BBQ eel). I've had all this stuff before, and love it, so it was nothing new to my stomach. But later in the evening, my tummy was not at all happy. Something nasty came over me and I felt incredibly foul.
When I moved out here, one of the last things I grabbed from a friend was a baggy full of these smelly little Chinese all natural cure-all pills. I don't know what they are called, so amoung my peeps, they are known as "black pills." They smell like creosote, or really pungent campfire, they look like rabbit droppings, and their smell lingers forever and seeps out your pores; bottom line: you should never take these little pills when you are required to be in public. But they work, and they pretty much fix every problem your stomach and digestive system might be feeling.
I took a couple, and pretty much within an hour I was once again able to move in and out of the fetal position, not to mention, muster enough energy sans nausea to get from my couch to my bed. Good times. No clue what it was. I don't blame the sushi, just the irony of timing. I think everyone should eat sushi all the time. But not tuna sushi because it is laden with heightened levels of mercury. So don't eat raw tuna too much.
I've been reading my Political Science textbook on World Politics, and my Anthropology texts all day. It feels good to be writing about something as meaningless as black pills and sushi.
In the good ol' way of the Fraser valley, however, most of the snow and ice soon melted, and today, only sidewalks remain to be shoveled, and almost all the other snow is gone or has been shaped in gigantic snowmen.
In fact, later last night, the weather had completely changed and the roads were again drivable. Taking advantage of this, my land lady and I decided to head out for sushi, rather than muster the motivation to make food for ourselves. so we went, and it was good. We split some veggie tempura (yum, by the way), I had some simple California rolls, and one piece of Unagi (BBQ eel). I've had all this stuff before, and love it, so it was nothing new to my stomach. But later in the evening, my tummy was not at all happy. Something nasty came over me and I felt incredibly foul.
When I moved out here, one of the last things I grabbed from a friend was a baggy full of these smelly little Chinese all natural cure-all pills. I don't know what they are called, so amoung my peeps, they are known as "black pills." They smell like creosote, or really pungent campfire, they look like rabbit droppings, and their smell lingers forever and seeps out your pores; bottom line: you should never take these little pills when you are required to be in public. But they work, and they pretty much fix every problem your stomach and digestive system might be feeling.
I took a couple, and pretty much within an hour I was once again able to move in and out of the fetal position, not to mention, muster enough energy sans nausea to get from my couch to my bed. Good times. No clue what it was. I don't blame the sushi, just the irony of timing. I think everyone should eat sushi all the time. But not tuna sushi because it is laden with heightened levels of mercury. So don't eat raw tuna too much.
I've been reading my Political Science textbook on World Politics, and my Anthropology texts all day. It feels good to be writing about something as meaningless as black pills and sushi.
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Non Sequiter
So I've been back in Abby for just over a week now. All things considered, Abbotsford has really begun to feel somewhat like "home." I guess. Okay, it feels like a temporary home, but home none the less.
Pretty much the second I got off the plane, I was back into the school lifestyle; I had an English class later that same evening. Three weeks into class and I admit, I feel like I am drowning scientific terms and political policies that I do not understand. Two of m textbooks are just like...I don't know. I get headaches after trying to read the texts for long period of time. Oh well, I am sure I'll figure out a way to get through it.
Work is going...it is going. I like my co-workers at Starbucks (and I get a great set of benefits!!), but golly gosh gee, I don't know how long it will last. After my trip home and the few hours I worked at Global Grounds, it reminded me of how much the people connection means to me. And a good cup of coffee of course. Oh, and not to mention, it reminded me that there really are some great people out there, but most of them live in Linden. Sob.
Oh well, I don't know how long I'll be at Starbucks. I'm trying to think about what to do for summer, and there are a couple really cool things that I would like to do. But that is a couple of months away yet. I don't know what I am going to do, where I'll be living, who I'll be working for, or if I will even be in the country the whole time. Fun fun times!
So there is an uber quick update on the ins and outs of what has been happening with me in the past week. Not much.
Pretty much the second I got off the plane, I was back into the school lifestyle; I had an English class later that same evening. Three weeks into class and I admit, I feel like I am drowning scientific terms and political policies that I do not understand. Two of m textbooks are just like...I don't know. I get headaches after trying to read the texts for long period of time. Oh well, I am sure I'll figure out a way to get through it.
Work is going...it is going. I like my co-workers at Starbucks (and I get a great set of benefits!!), but golly gosh gee, I don't know how long it will last. After my trip home and the few hours I worked at Global Grounds, it reminded me of how much the people connection means to me. And a good cup of coffee of course. Oh, and not to mention, it reminded me that there really are some great people out there, but most of them live in Linden. Sob.
Oh well, I don't know how long I'll be at Starbucks. I'm trying to think about what to do for summer, and there are a couple really cool things that I would like to do. But that is a couple of months away yet. I don't know what I am going to do, where I'll be living, who I'll be working for, or if I will even be in the country the whole time. Fun fun times!
So there is an uber quick update on the ins and outs of what has been happening with me in the past week. Not much.
Monday, January 14, 2008
Home Tastes Like a Small Caramella with Whipped Cream
I am not ready to head back west yet. I've been on vacation in Linden for a week now, and in that time, have seen so many of the people I've missed; despite the time I've had here, I feel like I have had hardly enough time to spend with the people I miss so much.
It's been good though, and as always, being back in Alberta has been refreshing and a huge blessing. And sunny! A lot has happened this week, sleep not being one of them unfortunately, and while my time out here has been refreshing, at the same time I feel somewhat burned out. I think that's only because I seem to be unable to sleep when I'm back home, for some strange reason.
It has been three months since I was last home, and for the most part, three months since I last had a conversation with many people here. But it does not seem like I was gone at all. Not that life and Linden have not changed at all (they actually have), it just seems like I was asleep, or that Abby was just a dream, or I spent the last three or four months completely out of it. If that makes any sense. I came home, and everything just fell back into place as it was before. Or, well, most things, but not all. Some of the things I wish were the same are not, and some of the things I wish were better are seemingly worse. But, that is how life goes, or so I have been told.
People back in Linden are...unique. They seem to genuinely want the best for you, and they treat you not only with courtesy, but they make every effort to better the lives of the people they love. Some how I got to be so loved, and coming home is like--like what i always hoped "coming home" would feel like, I guess.
I'm looking forward to getting back to school, of course, But at the same time, I know that it will be a while before I am able to come back again, and that makes me want to spend every minuet with the people I love. And it is true, I did not realize how much I loved some of the people back home, until I went away; now I just want to bring them with me wherever I go because I love them so much. I guess that is the way of life though.
I'm a big kid now.
It's been good though, and as always, being back in Alberta has been refreshing and a huge blessing. And sunny! A lot has happened this week, sleep not being one of them unfortunately, and while my time out here has been refreshing, at the same time I feel somewhat burned out. I think that's only because I seem to be unable to sleep when I'm back home, for some strange reason.
It has been three months since I was last home, and for the most part, three months since I last had a conversation with many people here. But it does not seem like I was gone at all. Not that life and Linden have not changed at all (they actually have), it just seems like I was asleep, or that Abby was just a dream, or I spent the last three or four months completely out of it. If that makes any sense. I came home, and everything just fell back into place as it was before. Or, well, most things, but not all. Some of the things I wish were the same are not, and some of the things I wish were better are seemingly worse. But, that is how life goes, or so I have been told.
People back in Linden are...unique. They seem to genuinely want the best for you, and they treat you not only with courtesy, but they make every effort to better the lives of the people they love. Some how I got to be so loved, and coming home is like--like what i always hoped "coming home" would feel like, I guess.
I'm looking forward to getting back to school, of course, But at the same time, I know that it will be a while before I am able to come back again, and that makes me want to spend every minuet with the people I love. And it is true, I did not realize how much I loved some of the people back home, until I went away; now I just want to bring them with me wherever I go because I love them so much. I guess that is the way of life though.
I'm a big kid now.
Sunday, January 06, 2008
An Update
Second semester starts in one day! Goodness, I am so excited; I am the biggest nerd. I actually quite enjoy post-secondary, however, aside from the insane cost of textbooks. It should be an interesting semester: three of my four classes are on Monday (the only day they were offered), and the other is Tuesday and Thursday evenings. I’m hoping night classes, or later-in-the-day classes will not only yield a group of more focused classmates, but the opportunity to actually get to know some of them.
I have been working my tush off and my mind has been unable to focus on anything really, in the past couple of weeks. It almost feels like I’ve gone about a separate life, which has been so up and down, frustrating and somewhat discouraging. I’m still chugging along though, so I guess that is good.
My Christmas was awesome. My sweet landlords bought me a brand new printer (my other new one was fried in one of the many power surges we’ve had, as was theirs) and made me join them in Surrey for a turkey dinner, sans cranberry sauce, with their extended family. It was lovely. We played some Wii (I kicked butt at bowling), watch some Rush Hour 3, and ate a whole bunch of delightful food. But it still didn’t feel like Christmas, being away from GG, and mom and dad.
I have been working my tush off and my mind has been unable to focus on anything really, in the past couple of weeks. It almost feels like I’ve gone about a separate life, which has been so up and down, frustrating and somewhat discouraging. I’m still chugging along though, so I guess that is good.
My Christmas was awesome. My sweet landlords bought me a brand new printer (my other new one was fried in one of the many power surges we’ve had, as was theirs) and made me join them in Surrey for a turkey dinner, sans cranberry sauce, with their extended family. It was lovely. We played some Wii (I kicked butt at bowling), watch some Rush Hour 3, and ate a whole bunch of delightful food. But it still didn’t feel like Christmas, being away from GG, and mom and dad.
New Year's was pretty much uneventful for me. I worked New Year's Eve, and had the first two days of the year to myself. It was odd though; I felt a great deal more homesick than I thought I would. I admitt, I was lonely. However, my homesickness was relieved when my old youth pastor and good friend, and his family and sweet little girls gave me a call. They were in town and we went out for a coffee, and I was so happy to spend time with them.
Thursday, December 13, 2007
My Shoes
Okay, this is going to be a really girlie blog posting, so please, bear with me.
I have a collection of shoes. Two years ago I didn't have more than one or two pairs, but now I have quite a few more. I have bought a few of them as methods of feeling better about myself, but above all, in my collection, I have one sacred pair. Or at least they feel sacred.
Several times since I bought them two years ago, I have taken down the box they sit in, opened it and tried so desperatly to wear them, but in two years, I think I have only really worn them a half a dozen times or so. I bought them shortly after Brady (my first boyfriend) and I started dating; my English 30 class was going to Theatre Calgary for "A Christmas Story," and we were supposed to look clean and pretty. Totally fun. It was my first time in the theatre, and I even had a boy I was swooning over to hold my hand. His was the first hand I ever held. On the way home, I was tired and I rested my head on Brady's shoulder, which was yet another first for me. The whole night, I could not stop smiling and I felt--I don't know--the way you feel when you're with your first real boyfriend.
We ended up breaking up at the end of the following summer, which was pretty hard on me for a long time. Afterwards, it was like he was a completely different person, and I was so angry with him. I became this horrible person towards him; I was a different person too. It took me a long time to realize that out break-up was inevitable; I wanted to teach and see the world, and he wanted to do something--else. I don't know if he really knows even now, but that doesn't matter; one day he'll really figure it out. But regardless, I knew I didn't want to be with him long term and even now, have no desire to be married by a certain age. It just took me a while to realize that my desires and plans for my life leave little room for a significant other or any form, let alone one that doesn't know what he wants to do with his life.
It was nearly a year before I had the sense enough about me to apologize to him. We talk now and get along fine, and I am so happy for him and his new girlfriend, though I still don't understand why he moved to Winnipeg.
After we broke up, I couldn't wear my fancy shoes. They were ordained in one of the more special moments of my life, and I didn't want to marr them with unimportant memories or bitter thoughts. I would put them on from time to time in an attempt to wear them, but they have this sort of feeling about them. I don't really know how to explain it; they feel filled with this pure, first love innocence. Like, they seem to exude it; they feel like shoes to be saved for moments that one needs an instant injection of life again. I stashed them in their box at the top of my closet, and brought them with me to BC.
I haven't worn them in a year, or so, but I took them down tonight. I plan on wearing them to my landlord's girl's Christmas concert. Not for their concert, but for me. I feel like in the past few months, I have been so broken emotionally, so lost; but I am okay now. It was just growing pains, of course, and some of them were very painful. But I grew, and most importantly, I did not let myself down one bit. I succeeded when I thought it would be so hard. I have friends here, and I had a family to decorate a tree with, and so many good memories of people I only had three months to get to know and enjoy. I've made my family (blood related or not) proud, and I have such a clear mind. I feel completely content. I still feel like I am too young to be out in the world though.
I put the shoes on this afternoon and I swear, I felt a cold breeze that gave me a little shiver down my spine.
I have a collection of shoes. Two years ago I didn't have more than one or two pairs, but now I have quite a few more. I have bought a few of them as methods of feeling better about myself, but above all, in my collection, I have one sacred pair. Or at least they feel sacred.
Several times since I bought them two years ago, I have taken down the box they sit in, opened it and tried so desperatly to wear them, but in two years, I think I have only really worn them a half a dozen times or so. I bought them shortly after Brady (my first boyfriend) and I started dating; my English 30 class was going to Theatre Calgary for "A Christmas Story," and we were supposed to look clean and pretty. Totally fun. It was my first time in the theatre, and I even had a boy I was swooning over to hold my hand. His was the first hand I ever held. On the way home, I was tired and I rested my head on Brady's shoulder, which was yet another first for me. The whole night, I could not stop smiling and I felt--I don't know--the way you feel when you're with your first real boyfriend.
We ended up breaking up at the end of the following summer, which was pretty hard on me for a long time. Afterwards, it was like he was a completely different person, and I was so angry with him. I became this horrible person towards him; I was a different person too. It took me a long time to realize that out break-up was inevitable; I wanted to teach and see the world, and he wanted to do something--else. I don't know if he really knows even now, but that doesn't matter; one day he'll really figure it out. But regardless, I knew I didn't want to be with him long term and even now, have no desire to be married by a certain age. It just took me a while to realize that my desires and plans for my life leave little room for a significant other or any form, let alone one that doesn't know what he wants to do with his life.
It was nearly a year before I had the sense enough about me to apologize to him. We talk now and get along fine, and I am so happy for him and his new girlfriend, though I still don't understand why he moved to Winnipeg.
After we broke up, I couldn't wear my fancy shoes. They were ordained in one of the more special moments of my life, and I didn't want to marr them with unimportant memories or bitter thoughts. I would put them on from time to time in an attempt to wear them, but they have this sort of feeling about them. I don't really know how to explain it; they feel filled with this pure, first love innocence. Like, they seem to exude it; they feel like shoes to be saved for moments that one needs an instant injection of life again. I stashed them in their box at the top of my closet, and brought them with me to BC.
I haven't worn them in a year, or so, but I took them down tonight. I plan on wearing them to my landlord's girl's Christmas concert. Not for their concert, but for me. I feel like in the past few months, I have been so broken emotionally, so lost; but I am okay now. It was just growing pains, of course, and some of them were very painful. But I grew, and most importantly, I did not let myself down one bit. I succeeded when I thought it would be so hard. I have friends here, and I had a family to decorate a tree with, and so many good memories of people I only had three months to get to know and enjoy. I've made my family (blood related or not) proud, and I have such a clear mind. I feel completely content. I still feel like I am too young to be out in the world though.
I put the shoes on this afternoon and I swear, I felt a cold breeze that gave me a little shiver down my spine.
Sunday, December 02, 2007
Chill-axing on Sunday
My finals start this week. I know, insane huh? My last class of the semester is tomorrow--Spanish. My last Linguistics and Latin American Studies classes were on Thursday; walking home Thursday evening felt so weird. It really started to feel like the Christmas season. I don't know why, but it did.
I'm still sick, but I have a voice again, thank goodness. I booked some time off from Starbucks this week, with exams and all, so I am hoping and praying that I can start to feel better after a day or two off. I've been working and running about all weekend; I was supposed to work for 4 hours today too, but the snow up where I live was enough to make me call in and back out.
I'm an Albertan through and through, no doubt, and a little snow does not scare me. But drivers who don't know how to drive in the snow do. Abbotsford has, oh, maybe 3 snowplows, and they are tied up keeping the main lower roads cleared; I live at the top of one of several mountains, at the end of one giant cul-de-sac, and although the road is steep it goes un-plowed. There is a couple feet of wet snow outside my door. In fact, the only vehicles that have been driving around were 2 ATVs.
All said and done, I have been wasting a completely good day, curled up with my lap top and underneath layers of blankets and sweater, in a nice, quiet house (my landlords are Stateside until later), watching chick flicks. Oh, and doing some Spanish. And thinking about how I really should be turning my entire linguistics textbook into sticky notes covered in terms and things I am supposed to know....oh linguistics. That's the class I had with hot Turkish guy. Mmmm. Hot Turkish guy. Such a good afternoon.
I think I need some hot chocolate. Mmm...Turkish hot chocolate. Oh the mind of a silly girl.
I'm still sick, but I have a voice again, thank goodness. I booked some time off from Starbucks this week, with exams and all, so I am hoping and praying that I can start to feel better after a day or two off. I've been working and running about all weekend; I was supposed to work for 4 hours today too, but the snow up where I live was enough to make me call in and back out.
I'm an Albertan through and through, no doubt, and a little snow does not scare me. But drivers who don't know how to drive in the snow do. Abbotsford has, oh, maybe 3 snowplows, and they are tied up keeping the main lower roads cleared; I live at the top of one of several mountains, at the end of one giant cul-de-sac, and although the road is steep it goes un-plowed. There is a couple feet of wet snow outside my door. In fact, the only vehicles that have been driving around were 2 ATVs.
All said and done, I have been wasting a completely good day, curled up with my lap top and underneath layers of blankets and sweater, in a nice, quiet house (my landlords are Stateside until later), watching chick flicks. Oh, and doing some Spanish. And thinking about how I really should be turning my entire linguistics textbook into sticky notes covered in terms and things I am supposed to know....oh linguistics. That's the class I had with hot Turkish guy. Mmmm. Hot Turkish guy. Such a good afternoon.
I think I need some hot chocolate. Mmm...Turkish hot chocolate. Oh the mind of a silly girl.
Monday, November 26, 2007
Hail to Alberta!
I am so sick. Ok, not so bad I suppose, but I have developed a superb chest cold which is settling happily in my throat, and a good side-helping of body aches. I don't really know where it came from, but I ended up skipping my Spanish class today because I was exhausted and dealing with random nausea.
But that is besides the point. It's Monday night and I am two weeks out from my first University finals, and this week, my one and only term paper is due. So guess what I've been doing today, on my "day off." Writing, and thinking, and nursing Neo Citron. I have chosen a good topic at least: Panama and the United States and their relations. I'm excited about it. I have post-it notes mapping out my thought development on my wall. All of my walls, as a matter of fact, are covered in post-its. Either from LAS, Linguistics, or Spanish nouns--such a good way to study. Any way you look at it, I am wearing thin. What a great time for me to get sick, huh? I mean, I just need to pull through these next 2 weeks and I'm golden. I refuse to let my grades slip now.
Work is going so well. I'm still having trouble being sold on Starbucks, but the wage is good and my co-workers are people who make my day brighter and have done so much to help me feel like Abbotsford is my home (for the moment). Getting to know them, getting to know and remember their names...has made such a difference.
I was at Save On Foods a couple weeks ago and I found this coffee brand called Ethical Bean. So good. It grind some every morning. It reminds me of my Fratello roots. But don't tell Starbucks.
This evening, the most amazing thing happened. It started snowing. It has not even stopped yet. There is something about snow that makes me think of home; it makes me warm. It reminds me of digging crazy forts and tunnels in my back yard in Beiseker with my brother when we were little. It reminds me of my Grandparents, and of course, putting up Christmas lights with dad. I love snow--I even like shoveling it. I asked my best friend to enjoy the snow in Edmonton for me just last night, and today, God blesses me with my own snowy evening. I love it. It was great fun for me to watch a 1/2 tonne 4WD duelie try to crest the hill and drive off. The guy who drives it is a bit of a prick, speeding at insane speeds up the curvy road of my hill. I laughed at him as his macho-man truck failed him.
Its been almost 2 months since I was last back in Linden, and I feel homesick. I call mom and dad very often, which really helps. I mean, for as much as I do miss home, I like it here. I'm so excited about my future and enjoy making new friends. I don't know, when I say I am homesick, I guess I mean that I miss knowing the people I pass as I walk down the street. I miss knowing my customers at the coffee shop and being able to sit down and chat for a while. I miss worship practice. But I love this independence.
It has been a hard month. There's been a lot happening to me and the people I love, and in the world immediately around me, but more than ever, I have noticed God showing up. I'm not saying that this is a new thing for me, but everything has been taken care of for me. Thank you for all of your prayers; I need them so much.
Post-it notes for one thought on Manuel Noriega
But that is besides the point. It's Monday night and I am two weeks out from my first University finals, and this week, my one and only term paper is due. So guess what I've been doing today, on my "day off." Writing, and thinking, and nursing Neo Citron. I have chosen a good topic at least: Panama and the United States and their relations. I'm excited about it. I have post-it notes mapping out my thought development on my wall. All of my walls, as a matter of fact, are covered in post-its. Either from LAS, Linguistics, or Spanish nouns--such a good way to study. Any way you look at it, I am wearing thin. What a great time for me to get sick, huh? I mean, I just need to pull through these next 2 weeks and I'm golden. I refuse to let my grades slip now.
Work is going so well. I'm still having trouble being sold on Starbucks, but the wage is good and my co-workers are people who make my day brighter and have done so much to help me feel like Abbotsford is my home (for the moment). Getting to know them, getting to know and remember their names...has made such a difference.
I was at Save On Foods a couple weeks ago and I found this coffee brand called Ethical Bean. So good. It grind some every morning. It reminds me of my Fratello roots. But don't tell Starbucks.
This evening, the most amazing thing happened. It started snowing. It has not even stopped yet. There is something about snow that makes me think of home; it makes me warm. It reminds me of digging crazy forts and tunnels in my back yard in Beiseker with my brother when we were little. It reminds me of my Grandparents, and of course, putting up Christmas lights with dad. I love snow--I even like shoveling it. I asked my best friend to enjoy the snow in Edmonton for me just last night, and today, God blesses me with my own snowy evening. I love it. It was great fun for me to watch a 1/2 tonne 4WD duelie try to crest the hill and drive off. The guy who drives it is a bit of a prick, speeding at insane speeds up the curvy road of my hill. I laughed at him as his macho-man truck failed him.
Its been almost 2 months since I was last back in Linden, and I feel homesick. I call mom and dad very often, which really helps. I mean, for as much as I do miss home, I like it here. I'm so excited about my future and enjoy making new friends. I don't know, when I say I am homesick, I guess I mean that I miss knowing the people I pass as I walk down the street. I miss knowing my customers at the coffee shop and being able to sit down and chat for a while. I miss worship practice. But I love this independence.
It has been a hard month. There's been a lot happening to me and the people I love, and in the world immediately around me, but more than ever, I have noticed God showing up. I'm not saying that this is a new thing for me, but everything has been taken care of for me. Thank you for all of your prayers; I need them so much.
Post-it notes for one thought on Manuel Noriega
Looking out from my front door onto the driveway and street
The stairs leading up to my land lord's front door
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
385 Days and Counting!
So today was a fabulous day.
I’ve set a goal to study abroad for a semester next year, well, actually one year from now I will hopefully be doing the last of the leg work and taking off. Taking off…I am so excited. I mean, I know it is a year away, but after meeting with the Study Abroad department today, one year certainly does not seem so long!
Basically, in four months time, I am to have made a final decision on where I want to spend four months of my schooling. Although a seemingly easy task for such a long amount of time, it is really a big one for me. I mean, for Pete’s sake, I want to see the whole world and now I am making a head start on it—for me to decide where I want to start is one very hard decision. However, the nice lady in the International department helped me narrow down some of my choices.
For starters, UCFV does not yet have any partnerships with
Three options were given to me to consider, though please know, there are far more places I could go (http://www.ucfv.ca/international/MOUs/Web_MOUs_per_country.pdf). These three options were, in this order:
All in all, I have a good four months of consideration ahead of me.
Thursday, November 08, 2007
An Evening at Starbucks
Am I racist?
The thought had never really held any true consideration in my mind until recently. I was very fortunate to grow up in a household where cultural exploration was encouraged—most of this was facilitated by my family’s close bond to a Guatemalan family in the next block. But, my “cultural exploration” was somewhat hindered by the simple fact that I lived in a small town; most of my cultural awareness came from my interaction with missionary pen-pals and studying the atlas with my older brother. I have learned, now, however, that writing to someone about a foreign country or culture is so far removed from the experience of it, and it is very difficult to gain a real understanding of how another place in the same world can function so differently.
Irregardless, I have set my goals high for my life, wanting to spend as much time savoring and living in as many different countries and cultures as I can before my days run out. I am fascinated by the world we live in.
But now, after being in University in what I consider to be a city, I am really questioning my formal belief that I am not racist. I am a minority at my school as a normal “white girl” with Anglo-Saxon roots. My classmates are from the entire world, mostly from
I am rather hesitant towards elderly East Indian men. I don’t think I was so uncomfortable around them when I first moved to the city, but now, after an incident on the bus one afternoon, I am. Basically, what happened is this elderly East Indian man with a long white beard decided to start touching the back of my neck and petting my shoulder. It only happened for a split second before I got up and removed myself from the situation, but the fact that this man thought he was justified in doing that really bothered me; he is likely at least 40 years my senior. I had done nothing to indicate that he had the right to touch me; I had never even seen him before!
So, as a result, now when I see an elderly East Indian man, my whole body freezes up and my jaw clenches. I hate that I do this; I don’t honestly think I am justified in doing so, but golly, it freaked me out and now, unintentionally, I have placed a prejudice on that one kind of human being. I’m trying to work through it though, not that it was you know, something more serious, but he invaded my personal space and I didn’t want him to.
When did my heart become open to racism?
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Sleepless in Seattle
It's Tuesday night, but it so does not feel like it. It feels more like a Monday.
So, this weekend was insane, in a good sort of way. Curt and Laura got out to visit me for four days, which was good fun. We were--I was--so busy. Between being with them and working my regular shifts, I am spent! But I wouldn't have traded a moment otherwise.
The two got out here on Thursday evening and we feasted on all things unhealthy while watching "Nightmare Before Christmas"; bright and early Friday morning we headed out for Granville Island in Vancouver. That place is something else! I liked it; Granville Island is not actually an island, but an artisan based community underneath the Granville Street bridge overlooking False Creek and English Bay in Vancouver. We toured various art galleries that showcased mediums of wood, pottery, paint, paper, glass, silk...everything. We went through the fresh market, which smelled so good, and went to the brewery and bought some Granville Island Beer. Yum-my! It's defiantly worth a stop if you're in Vancouver.
I didn't have to work again until Sunday afternoon, so first thing Saturday morning we drove down to Seattle and did the tourist thing there. We stopped, of course, at Pike Place, went up the Space Needle, to the Aquarium, and to the Experience Music Project Museum of Modern Music. All very good fun. Seattle is yet another, amazingly artistic community. I loved walking around and seeing and hearing all of the buskers, but the hotel we stayed in...golly was I on the verge of going postal. It was alright in the daylight, but at 2am, the drunks started coming back for their mid-night snack and were slamming doors and yelling; the walls in that place were thin to begin with, and when they were slamming the doors, it sounded like the whole wall was about to fall over. I think Laura and I managed a 5-6 hour sleep that night, after hoofing around the city all day and me needing to work a full 8 hours at Starbucks the following day. Phew. I was rather testy. Oh, and the attractive male ratio is much better in Seattle, which really made our trip there worth while.
Monday morning came really fast; I had to work until midnight on Sunday, and fortunately, Curt was kind enough to come and pick me up. At 7am, I was up again, we went for a quick coffee with friend, and found ourselves on the the road to whirlwind trip to Whistler. The drive was spectacular, but in truth, we were in Whistler for maybe a half hour (it is a 2.5 hour drive from Abby, barring all traffic problems) for lunch, and then turned right around to get me back to Abby in time for work. It was amazing: we made it through construction and Vancouver, both ways, with no traffic. I was even a half hour early for work.
They left this morning, and it was sad again. But not too bad. This time I had to throw myself back into my neglected homework. I just prefer being the one who does the leaving.
So I went to my only class today, and the first thing I hear about is how 2 of my "friends"/classmates have recently gotten engaged. They are my age. They were looking at dress magazines and talking about weddings and their hubby-to-be's, and boy, was that ever a new experience.
So, this weekend was insane, in a good sort of way. Curt and Laura got out to visit me for four days, which was good fun. We were--I was--so busy. Between being with them and working my regular shifts, I am spent! But I wouldn't have traded a moment otherwise.
The two got out here on Thursday evening and we feasted on all things unhealthy while watching "Nightmare Before Christmas"; bright and early Friday morning we headed out for Granville Island in Vancouver. That place is something else! I liked it; Granville Island is not actually an island, but an artisan based community underneath the Granville Street bridge overlooking False Creek and English Bay in Vancouver. We toured various art galleries that showcased mediums of wood, pottery, paint, paper, glass, silk...everything. We went through the fresh market, which smelled so good, and went to the brewery and bought some Granville Island Beer. Yum-my! It's defiantly worth a stop if you're in Vancouver.
I didn't have to work again until Sunday afternoon, so first thing Saturday morning we drove down to Seattle and did the tourist thing there. We stopped, of course, at Pike Place, went up the Space Needle, to the Aquarium, and to the Experience Music Project Museum of Modern Music. All very good fun. Seattle is yet another, amazingly artistic community. I loved walking around and seeing and hearing all of the buskers, but the hotel we stayed in...golly was I on the verge of going postal. It was alright in the daylight, but at 2am, the drunks started coming back for their mid-night snack and were slamming doors and yelling; the walls in that place were thin to begin with, and when they were slamming the doors, it sounded like the whole wall was about to fall over. I think Laura and I managed a 5-6 hour sleep that night, after hoofing around the city all day and me needing to work a full 8 hours at Starbucks the following day. Phew. I was rather testy. Oh, and the attractive male ratio is much better in Seattle, which really made our trip there worth while.
Monday morning came really fast; I had to work until midnight on Sunday, and fortunately, Curt was kind enough to come and pick me up. At 7am, I was up again, we went for a quick coffee with friend, and found ourselves on the the road to whirlwind trip to Whistler. The drive was spectacular, but in truth, we were in Whistler for maybe a half hour (it is a 2.5 hour drive from Abby, barring all traffic problems) for lunch, and then turned right around to get me back to Abby in time for work. It was amazing: we made it through construction and Vancouver, both ways, with no traffic. I was even a half hour early for work.
They left this morning, and it was sad again. But not too bad. This time I had to throw myself back into my neglected homework. I just prefer being the one who does the leaving.
So I went to my only class today, and the first thing I hear about is how 2 of my "friends"/classmates have recently gotten engaged. They are my age. They were looking at dress magazines and talking about weddings and their hubby-to-be's, and boy, was that ever a new experience.
Saturday, October 13, 2007
Fij Numbo eg Shembok Twrily
No two people ever say the same thing. I mean, I guess that shouldn't be too surprising, especially being that we are in a world of innumerable languages. But really, think about it. No two people ever say the same thing. Ever. Ever! Every single human being on this planet has his own language. We each have a unique dialect. And yet, we are able to communicate with each other. A-mazing!
I downloaded an audiobook by Stephen Pinker called "The Stuff of Thought." I had to get an audiobook because otherwise I would have given up on it before I picked it up. I mean, I understand the language now that I am in Linguistics, but holy crow, it is a mind workout!
Anyway, he basically goes through how language can change everything, and, most fascinating to me, how we obtain it. When you really think about it, to concept of a baby--something that drools so much and is unable to fend for itself or control its bodily functions--a baby has this enormous task of learning how to speak. It sits there for a while, always listening to the random sounds that its parents use to communicate, and breaks it down grammatically. A baby is conscious of all of the fundamentals of language that I have been laboriously learning for the past month and a bit. And you know that the kicker is? The baby knows this stuff better than me! Bette than any linguistian!
It has been proposed that we are born with an innate grammar set. We already know the rules when we come out kicking and screaming (probably because we just really don't want to have to use that grammar). This has to be so, or else the quest for a mother tongue acquisition would be fruitless! Think about that! Did you think about it? Talk about a God-thing. I mean, even if a child were isolated and never in contact with a form of language, it would naturally create its own. His language, if dissected and studied, would even show use of adjectives, nouns, verbs, pronouns, articles, adverbs, and would follow syntactic and semantic rules! Why? Because it is upon these grammatical rules that all languages, no matter how strange, is created! I love it.
Another thing, a child, at 5 years old, is the smartest it will ever be. That kind of sucks huh? I mean, I now live with a 5 year old and basically, if all the things I am learning were put into terms that even I could understand, she learn this stuff faster and more solidly than I ever will. No fair!
The book is good so far, though if you want to read it, you might need to do it in small portions because your concept of pretty much everything is challenged. Even more fascinating is Pinker's bit on verbs, but I'm not that smart so I'll leave that discussion to him.
Oh, and by the way, if you look closely at my title, although non-sense, it is entirely grammatically correct! Dear lord, pray for me.
I downloaded an audiobook by Stephen Pinker called "The Stuff of Thought." I had to get an audiobook because otherwise I would have given up on it before I picked it up. I mean, I understand the language now that I am in Linguistics, but holy crow, it is a mind workout!
Anyway, he basically goes through how language can change everything, and, most fascinating to me, how we obtain it. When you really think about it, to concept of a baby--something that drools so much and is unable to fend for itself or control its bodily functions--a baby has this enormous task of learning how to speak. It sits there for a while, always listening to the random sounds that its parents use to communicate, and breaks it down grammatically. A baby is conscious of all of the fundamentals of language that I have been laboriously learning for the past month and a bit. And you know that the kicker is? The baby knows this stuff better than me! Bette than any linguistian!
It has been proposed that we are born with an innate grammar set. We already know the rules when we come out kicking and screaming (probably because we just really don't want to have to use that grammar). This has to be so, or else the quest for a mother tongue acquisition would be fruitless! Think about that! Did you think about it? Talk about a God-thing. I mean, even if a child were isolated and never in contact with a form of language, it would naturally create its own. His language, if dissected and studied, would even show use of adjectives, nouns, verbs, pronouns, articles, adverbs, and would follow syntactic and semantic rules! Why? Because it is upon these grammatical rules that all languages, no matter how strange, is created! I love it.
Another thing, a child, at 5 years old, is the smartest it will ever be. That kind of sucks huh? I mean, I now live with a 5 year old and basically, if all the things I am learning were put into terms that even I could understand, she learn this stuff faster and more solidly than I ever will. No fair!
The book is good so far, though if you want to read it, you might need to do it in small portions because your concept of pretty much everything is challenged. Even more fascinating is Pinker's bit on verbs, but I'm not that smart so I'll leave that discussion to him.
Oh, and by the way, if you look closely at my title, although non-sense, it is entirely grammatically correct! Dear lord, pray for me.
Thursday, October 11, 2007
A Tale of Two Cities
This past week has been...a tale of two cities. My trip home was absolutely fabulous, and totally refreshing. It really felt good being back home and seeing everyone (and seeing people I knew); I never realized how many people read my blog!
So, a tale of two cities. Right. First of all, an update on how my 1st month at university has gone. I've already written 2 midterms, the first one being for Spanish and the second for Linguistics. The Spanish one was easy for me in the first place, but even to my surprise, I wrote it and obtained the highest mark in my class. Between that and the hand-in assignments which I've also been getting top marks at, I am at the top of my class! Woo-hoo! The second, for linguistics, I wrote mere hours before my flight home for the holiday. My head was fairly focused on the test, but lets face it, I was distracted. I was sitting behind the hottest guy in all of my classes too, which didn't affect me too much, but notably some. Anyway, I was one of the first people done the exam, but left so discouraged. I was convinced I bombed. I mean, I thought as logically as I could and really put an effort into it, but boy, I honestly thought I failed. So much so that my whole flight home was frustrating as I could not stop thinking about it. I couldn't even sleep that night because my brain would not shut off the linguistics. Nor did it for my whole weekend. I was seriously worried about it; I have only failed one test in my life and that was in Physics 30. I could not stand the thought of failing something, let alone in an institution as expensive as university! By the time I flew back out here, I was okay with failing, knowing that I would just have to push myself even harder and make up for the one failed midterm on the next 2 quizzes and the next midterm. Alas, in class on Tuesday, I realized that my weekend was merely a reality check and that in truth, I had pulled off a solid A with a 90.5% on the exam.
That was the good, and now, for the...I don't say want to say "bad," because that may not be so. It seems as if I have underestimated the costs of going to school. I am needing some serious prayers as it seems I am seriously lacking funding. I didn't take out as big of a loan as i could have because lets face it, loans suck. But I also was not expecting to be so long getting a job, or for the costs of goods to be so flipping expensive! I mean, I certainly have not been squandering my money since moving here. I've had to buy some clothes because my wardrobe was not entirely suitable for the climate, I don't eat out or go partying or out to movies, I have paid 2 months rent and damage deposit and for food, cell bill, tuition, books (which was twice as expensive as perceived), and then clothing for work at Starbucks (which was a seriously unexpected and un-budgeted expense), and now, with the end of the month looming, only a half month of work, rent coming up and some unpaid bills, and now registration for next semester and those fees (already!), I'm in the hole. So please, be praying that somehow the money turns up. I thank you all for all your prayers, and I have such confidence that God has me here for a reason and He didn't just bring me here to drown in unfamiliar waters, but I am at a loss. I'm not worried about it this time.
Back on the upside, I think I get to go back to Vintage this weekend as a carpool has been organized! After going back home and getting back to the church, I really realized how good it was to be taught again. I took it for granted for so long, or so it seems, that now, I've really realized how good it is to worship with other people and have my beliefs challenged and to be taught and to be having a relationship with God again. How easily I forgot! I've really been thinking about my relationship with God and my relationship with my job or studies, and in the past couple weeks I've really realized that God's usually getting the shaft. My courses have really been challenging my concepts of what is real socially and how it relates to me morally and spiritually, and how intricately we've been designed, even just our capacity create random sounds, give them meaning, communicate and most amazing is our acquisition of language! I mean, all I can really say is: "How?"
So that is that, for now. Hope I've helped fill in some blanks. Thanks for your continued prayer and love!
So, a tale of two cities. Right. First of all, an update on how my 1st month at university has gone. I've already written 2 midterms, the first one being for Spanish and the second for Linguistics. The Spanish one was easy for me in the first place, but even to my surprise, I wrote it and obtained the highest mark in my class. Between that and the hand-in assignments which I've also been getting top marks at, I am at the top of my class! Woo-hoo! The second, for linguistics, I wrote mere hours before my flight home for the holiday. My head was fairly focused on the test, but lets face it, I was distracted. I was sitting behind the hottest guy in all of my classes too, which didn't affect me too much, but notably some. Anyway, I was one of the first people done the exam, but left so discouraged. I was convinced I bombed. I mean, I thought as logically as I could and really put an effort into it, but boy, I honestly thought I failed. So much so that my whole flight home was frustrating as I could not stop thinking about it. I couldn't even sleep that night because my brain would not shut off the linguistics. Nor did it for my whole weekend. I was seriously worried about it; I have only failed one test in my life and that was in Physics 30. I could not stand the thought of failing something, let alone in an institution as expensive as university! By the time I flew back out here, I was okay with failing, knowing that I would just have to push myself even harder and make up for the one failed midterm on the next 2 quizzes and the next midterm. Alas, in class on Tuesday, I realized that my weekend was merely a reality check and that in truth, I had pulled off a solid A with a 90.5% on the exam.
That was the good, and now, for the...I don't say want to say "bad," because that may not be so. It seems as if I have underestimated the costs of going to school. I am needing some serious prayers as it seems I am seriously lacking funding. I didn't take out as big of a loan as i could have because lets face it, loans suck. But I also was not expecting to be so long getting a job, or for the costs of goods to be so flipping expensive! I mean, I certainly have not been squandering my money since moving here. I've had to buy some clothes because my wardrobe was not entirely suitable for the climate, I don't eat out or go partying or out to movies, I have paid 2 months rent and damage deposit and for food, cell bill, tuition, books (which was twice as expensive as perceived), and then clothing for work at Starbucks (which was a seriously unexpected and un-budgeted expense), and now, with the end of the month looming, only a half month of work, rent coming up and some unpaid bills, and now registration for next semester and those fees (already!), I'm in the hole. So please, be praying that somehow the money turns up. I thank you all for all your prayers, and I have such confidence that God has me here for a reason and He didn't just bring me here to drown in unfamiliar waters, but I am at a loss. I'm not worried about it this time.
Back on the upside, I think I get to go back to Vintage this weekend as a carpool has been organized! After going back home and getting back to the church, I really realized how good it was to be taught again. I took it for granted for so long, or so it seems, that now, I've really realized how good it is to worship with other people and have my beliefs challenged and to be taught and to be having a relationship with God again. How easily I forgot! I've really been thinking about my relationship with God and my relationship with my job or studies, and in the past couple weeks I've really realized that God's usually getting the shaft. My courses have really been challenging my concepts of what is real socially and how it relates to me morally and spiritually, and how intricately we've been designed, even just our capacity create random sounds, give them meaning, communicate and most amazing is our acquisition of language! I mean, all I can really say is: "How?"
So that is that, for now. Hope I've helped fill in some blanks. Thanks for your continued prayer and love!
Saturday, October 06, 2007
Mmmm. Mashed Potatoes
So, unbeknownst to most, I flew home this weekend to surprise most of my loved ones. I really wanted to be home for the weekend, and, it feels so good to see the familiar faces again.
So far, it has been good; I have seen so many of the folks I wanted to see, hugged a bunch of people, and been smiling and laughing for a few days straight. Like I said, it feels good to be here. Even though it seems so much more flat than I remember.
I've been thinking a lot about the past month and how my life has changed since I was last on the 806. It is...more than I thought it would be. Linden has not changed too much, but there are a couple things that have, or are in the process, and those are the things that I never really wanted to change. And they are small things too, so seemingly insignificant, but the few things that I call my very own.
Anyway, being back here has also realize how my definition of "home" has changed too. Linden feels good. I love so many people here, and I enjoy the prairies. I'm staying in my old house too and have been venturing to my usual haunts (I mean, I've only been gone a month!), but they are just not the same. This house, is not my house anymore, and I think that is the weirdest part. Sometime, even in the course of a month, without my consciousness knowledge, my home transitioned to Abbotsford. My stuff is all there, my room, my new job at Starbucks, my school, my bus route, trees, dogs, landlords...everything that demands my attention is in a whole other place now. All I have for Linden now are a town full of people I love and memories. It is so weird! I guess I am still working on finding my place in this world! I keep reminding myself, if it is this strange for me now, I can not imagine what it will be when I move to Latin America!
So far, it has been good; I have seen so many of the folks I wanted to see, hugged a bunch of people, and been smiling and laughing for a few days straight. Like I said, it feels good to be here. Even though it seems so much more flat than I remember.
I've been thinking a lot about the past month and how my life has changed since I was last on the 806. It is...more than I thought it would be. Linden has not changed too much, but there are a couple things that have, or are in the process, and those are the things that I never really wanted to change. And they are small things too, so seemingly insignificant, but the few things that I call my very own.
Anyway, being back here has also realize how my definition of "home" has changed too. Linden feels good. I love so many people here, and I enjoy the prairies. I'm staying in my old house too and have been venturing to my usual haunts (I mean, I've only been gone a month!), but they are just not the same. This house, is not my house anymore, and I think that is the weirdest part. Sometime, even in the course of a month, without my consciousness knowledge, my home transitioned to Abbotsford. My stuff is all there, my room, my new job at Starbucks, my school, my bus route, trees, dogs, landlords...everything that demands my attention is in a whole other place now. All I have for Linden now are a town full of people I love and memories. It is so weird! I guess I am still working on finding my place in this world! I keep reminding myself, if it is this strange for me now, I can not imagine what it will be when I move to Latin America!
Friday, September 28, 2007
Days Go By
I am already preparing for my first midterm, which hits October 4th and is all about Linguistics. We had our first test in the same and I pulled off and even B- (70%). Pretty good, but far to average for my expectations of myself. I am not in school here, learning to be average--I want to excel! I mean, I know all this stuff, or I should, as all of the material is before me; I just need to figure out how to put the puzzle together.
Basically a whole month has gone by since I moved. I can not believe it! It feels like a lot longer. I mean, of course I miss home, of course I miss my family and friends, my job--everything. But I'm figuring it out, and it makes me feel all the more adult. I've made so many changes already, all for the better, and I can not wait for my loved ones to see me and to show them how I've succeeded thus far.
I went for a job interview for Starbucks the other day, and it went very well. I will know by Monday if I have a job there or not; please, please, please pray! I've also been making friends with far less difficulty. Well sort of. Although my LAS class is my favorite, the people certainly are not as friendly as those in my other two classes. The teacher rocks though: he was born in Brazil and grew up there and in Scotland, emigrated to Canada and has a thick English accent, as both of his folks were English (though he never once stepped foot on the Motherland's soil).
He is a doll.
My weekend plans this week are not yet made. Opps! No, I think I am going out for coffee with one of my Spanish classmates. Maybe We'll watch a movie here too, or something. My landlord's folks are flying in from Edmonton in a couple of hours, so this place is is going to be bustling with people.
Basically a whole month has gone by since I moved. I can not believe it! It feels like a lot longer. I mean, of course I miss home, of course I miss my family and friends, my job--everything. But I'm figuring it out, and it makes me feel all the more adult. I've made so many changes already, all for the better, and I can not wait for my loved ones to see me and to show them how I've succeeded thus far.
I went for a job interview for Starbucks the other day, and it went very well. I will know by Monday if I have a job there or not; please, please, please pray! I've also been making friends with far less difficulty. Well sort of. Although my LAS class is my favorite, the people certainly are not as friendly as those in my other two classes. The teacher rocks though: he was born in Brazil and grew up there and in Scotland, emigrated to Canada and has a thick English accent, as both of his folks were English (though he never once stepped foot on the Motherland's soil).
He is a doll.
My weekend plans this week are not yet made. Opps! No, I think I am going out for coffee with one of my Spanish classmates. Maybe We'll watch a movie here too, or something. My landlord's folks are flying in from Edmonton in a couple of hours, so this place is is going to be bustling with people.
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Filtered
It has been a hard week. Throughout the past week there have been so many times when my brain has literally not stopped processing data from one morning to the next. Sleep has not been easy because of such a problem, and as result, my I've been feeling a little ill. Not too bad, but defiantly not 100%. My stomach has been reeling and churning, body aching, and feeling sore-throaty in the morning. Yech. Needless to say, this has been the week the weather changed to ran from sun.
Linguistics has begun to make more sense, though the course is not looking more like Chem in its formations and equations. The lexical component of the course has begun to stress me out, but apparently that is perfectly normal and will only get worse before it gets better and as we go through the course.
Latin American Studies has proven, so far, to be...so much more eye opening than I expected. It has shocked me how "Europeanized" our educational system really is. The blatant disregard for such a prominent part of the world is disgusting! And even worse is how we, as North Americans justify the abuse of Latin America. Allbeit, Canada is far better than the States and the damage has been done and was committed centuries ago. But, in the educational system I was brought up in, we did not learn about our other fellow Americans. We were taught about anti-communism controls put in place there, without also addressing the fact that communism would work far better in most Latin American countries than a democracy (did the USA not convert to a communist-like policy during the Great Depression to get back up on its economical feet? Why can the L.A. countries employ the same right of self-government? Oh yeah, the USA is, in most L.A. countries, allowed to step in and change up the govn't whenever they feel like it. Even now! Sick! Actually, Haiti was the 3rd established republic, right after the USA, and no one cares. Columbus landed at Hispaniola (now Haiti and D.R.) in 1482, long before anyone even knew about the USA, but the US use that same date to claim their discovery. Needless to say, LAS has really started to open my eyes to see just how filtered my education has been.
I've been making friends, however, and have weekend plans prospering and study times set. Yeah! I can't believe how much more positive it has made me.
This week, I have also manged to find a church that interests me. It seems like it might be a solid deal, and I am definitely going for a second time. It is MB, which is different than my previous "denomination," but I don't necessarily care so much about what they call themselves as much as I do care about what they're preaching, and this group of people seem to put God at the head of everything. It is a young church too, both age wise and people wise. They are still growing, and as of yet, seemingly don't have a building. Right now they are meeting in a theater in one of the cinemas in town. Sweet. Check its site out: www.vintage242church.com
I also have several job prospects. The most promising looks to be Starbucks, but a waitressing job might be in the works too. I have a third interview next Wednesday afternoon; praying, and praying, and praying that all goes well with that!
The guys factor is getting a little more rosy too. They seem to be more attractive now than they were 3 weeks ago. Unfortunately, there seems to be this underlying pressure to be with a significant other. Almost every one of the girls in all of my classes is dating, not that there is necessarily anything wrong with that I suppose. But it does have that wonderful effect of making me feel nakedly single. I mean, there are a few guys out there with whom I wish our relationship were perhaps a bit different and maybe a couple super hot guys at school here, but in in University solely for the purpose of getting educated enough to move thousands of miles from here without destroying a culture. That is why I am here (and I have, admittedly, been finding it necessary to remind myself of that fact); I don't plan on walking away with a hubby after 4 years. Not that I'll turn a guy away if he seems like a good match, but I need a guy willing and able to have a life with me that works as much with my goals as mine do with his. Otherwise it is simply unfair to one or the other, and that would break my heart either way.
Anyway, that is my rant for making me feel better about being single at the moment.
I have a TESL Association meeting in 4 hours; it is a "club" for people interested in teaching English as a second language here or abroad. It basically provides an outlet for people to network with each other and hear some real life experiences and help each other get their goals in motion. While I am not planning on beginning my career for another 4 years, it might prove very useful. I think it might be worth my time to join the club. We shall see.
That is, I think, about all worth mentioning for now. I'll let you know when my life starts to get interesting again!
P.S. For my 2nd Cousin: I am going to take some pics of school tonight, fingers crossed, and hope post them here in the next day or so. They won't be too pretty though, as the sky is gray and miserable. But the trees are still mostly green!
Linguistics has begun to make more sense, though the course is not looking more like Chem in its formations and equations. The lexical component of the course has begun to stress me out, but apparently that is perfectly normal and will only get worse before it gets better and as we go through the course.
Latin American Studies has proven, so far, to be...so much more eye opening than I expected. It has shocked me how "Europeanized" our educational system really is. The blatant disregard for such a prominent part of the world is disgusting! And even worse is how we, as North Americans justify the abuse of Latin America. Allbeit, Canada is far better than the States and the damage has been done and was committed centuries ago. But, in the educational system I was brought up in, we did not learn about our other fellow Americans. We were taught about anti-communism controls put in place there, without also addressing the fact that communism would work far better in most Latin American countries than a democracy (did the USA not convert to a communist-like policy during the Great Depression to get back up on its economical feet? Why can the L.A. countries employ the same right of self-government? Oh yeah, the USA is, in most L.A. countries, allowed to step in and change up the govn't whenever they feel like it. Even now! Sick! Actually, Haiti was the 3rd established republic, right after the USA, and no one cares. Columbus landed at Hispaniola (now Haiti and D.R.) in 1482, long before anyone even knew about the USA, but the US use that same date to claim their discovery. Needless to say, LAS has really started to open my eyes to see just how filtered my education has been.
I've been making friends, however, and have weekend plans prospering and study times set. Yeah! I can't believe how much more positive it has made me.
This week, I have also manged to find a church that interests me. It seems like it might be a solid deal, and I am definitely going for a second time. It is MB, which is different than my previous "denomination," but I don't necessarily care so much about what they call themselves as much as I do care about what they're preaching, and this group of people seem to put God at the head of everything. It is a young church too, both age wise and people wise. They are still growing, and as of yet, seemingly don't have a building. Right now they are meeting in a theater in one of the cinemas in town. Sweet. Check its site out: www.vintage242church.com
I also have several job prospects. The most promising looks to be Starbucks, but a waitressing job might be in the works too. I have a third interview next Wednesday afternoon; praying, and praying, and praying that all goes well with that!
The guys factor is getting a little more rosy too. They seem to be more attractive now than they were 3 weeks ago. Unfortunately, there seems to be this underlying pressure to be with a significant other. Almost every one of the girls in all of my classes is dating, not that there is necessarily anything wrong with that I suppose. But it does have that wonderful effect of making me feel nakedly single. I mean, there are a few guys out there with whom I wish our relationship were perhaps a bit different and maybe a couple super hot guys at school here, but in in University solely for the purpose of getting educated enough to move thousands of miles from here without destroying a culture. That is why I am here (and I have, admittedly, been finding it necessary to remind myself of that fact); I don't plan on walking away with a hubby after 4 years. Not that I'll turn a guy away if he seems like a good match, but I need a guy willing and able to have a life with me that works as much with my goals as mine do with his. Otherwise it is simply unfair to one or the other, and that would break my heart either way.
Anyway, that is my rant for making me feel better about being single at the moment.
I have a TESL Association meeting in 4 hours; it is a "club" for people interested in teaching English as a second language here or abroad. It basically provides an outlet for people to network with each other and hear some real life experiences and help each other get their goals in motion. While I am not planning on beginning my career for another 4 years, it might prove very useful. I think it might be worth my time to join the club. We shall see.
That is, I think, about all worth mentioning for now. I'll let you know when my life starts to get interesting again!
P.S. For my 2nd Cousin: I am going to take some pics of school tonight, fingers crossed, and hope post them here in the next day or so. They won't be too pretty though, as the sky is gray and miserable. But the trees are still mostly green!
Friday, September 07, 2007
My New House
For the sake of Dad, I thought I would take a couple more pictures of my new house and post them here. Have no fear, I have never lived so richly!
The crazy washing machines that I have absolutley no idea how to work.
The living room and main entrance upstairs. This is shared space, not mine.
Our shared family room adjacent to the kitchen.
The kitchen. I love it! They want me to simply rifle through the pantry and eat anything I want. Still not used to that!
My den; a space all my own. Downstairs on ground level (of a 3 story house). I haven't yet had the time to really make it my own. I did, however, tidy up the thousands of textbooks and other books. You'd think I wasn't a student! Oh, the books on the table are just for one class, and there are to more on the right ledge by the stereo that go with them. All except one, I suppose, which is a lovely contribution by my second cousin out east. But that is he smallest book on the top of the giant stack. I have 4 more giant texts on top of those!
The crazy washing machines that I have absolutley no idea how to work.
The living room and main entrance upstairs. This is shared space, not mine.
Our shared family room adjacent to the kitchen.
The kitchen. I love it! They want me to simply rifle through the pantry and eat anything I want. Still not used to that!
My den; a space all my own. Downstairs on ground level (of a 3 story house). I haven't yet had the time to really make it my own. I did, however, tidy up the thousands of textbooks and other books. You'd think I wasn't a student! Oh, the books on the table are just for one class, and there are to more on the right ledge by the stereo that go with them. All except one, I suppose, which is a lovely contribution by my second cousin out east. But that is he smallest book on the top of the giant stack. I have 4 more giant texts on top of those!
Thursday, September 06, 2007
Freshman
Though not technically a whole week, I am done school until Monday--my first week of my first semester in university has come and gone. I've only had three days of class, but am already able to have a feel for how this semester is going to go.
Latin American Studies is likely to be the best class of the semester. The teacher is hilarious, the work load not too bad (though involving intensive reading and a massive term paper), and the subject is fascinating to me. Spanish is probably going to be next best; it involves lots of interaction between peers. However, it also requires at least 4 hours of computer work per week (2 of which I am to do in the language lab at the school somewhere), in addition to reading the text, and doing the workbook pages which relate to the text we're to read.
Lastly comes Linguistics. The course, so far, seems like it will prove to be quite challenging. The teacher is incredibly quiet, and though I sat at the front of the class, I still had a great deal of trouble following her. the professor also has a tendency to use highly grammatical language which is somewhat foreign to me. If it weren't for the fact that I know the course would be worth it, and 2nd year will be better, I might consider dropping it. For all you who don't know what Linguistics is, it is learning the descriptive science of language. So far, we're simply learning an incredible amount of grammar (something that was greatly omitted in my previous schooling...or so it seems) and soon we'll be learning basic syntax creation. It makes me sound smart, but as of yet, I have no idea what anything means. After all, I have only had a couple of classes of Linguistics.
Homesickness has so far mostly evaded me. That's not t say I don't deeply miss a great number of people, and don't wish my confidantes by my side at every minuet. I have not yet had a cup of coffee equal to that from Global Grounds. I miss my customers, and I miss my best friend's dog almost more than anyone else.
But this new place has been treating me well. My new landlords are unbelievably nice, my new house far more than I could have hoped for, and my new school better than any other I have seen. These factors have defiantly helped make the transition easier, and I am hoping to find a job soon and start feeling like I am part of a community again.
All in all, the adjustment to my new life has been going well. I haven't made any friends as of yet, but am getting to know more and more people everyday. Now, all I have to do is find people to go snowboarding with!
Latin American Studies is likely to be the best class of the semester. The teacher is hilarious, the work load not too bad (though involving intensive reading and a massive term paper), and the subject is fascinating to me. Spanish is probably going to be next best; it involves lots of interaction between peers. However, it also requires at least 4 hours of computer work per week (2 of which I am to do in the language lab at the school somewhere), in addition to reading the text, and doing the workbook pages which relate to the text we're to read.
Lastly comes Linguistics. The course, so far, seems like it will prove to be quite challenging. The teacher is incredibly quiet, and though I sat at the front of the class, I still had a great deal of trouble following her. the professor also has a tendency to use highly grammatical language which is somewhat foreign to me. If it weren't for the fact that I know the course would be worth it, and 2nd year will be better, I might consider dropping it. For all you who don't know what Linguistics is, it is learning the descriptive science of language. So far, we're simply learning an incredible amount of grammar (something that was greatly omitted in my previous schooling...or so it seems) and soon we'll be learning basic syntax creation. It makes me sound smart, but as of yet, I have no idea what anything means. After all, I have only had a couple of classes of Linguistics.
Homesickness has so far mostly evaded me. That's not t say I don't deeply miss a great number of people, and don't wish my confidantes by my side at every minuet. I have not yet had a cup of coffee equal to that from Global Grounds. I miss my customers, and I miss my best friend's dog almost more than anyone else.
But this new place has been treating me well. My new landlords are unbelievably nice, my new house far more than I could have hoped for, and my new school better than any other I have seen. These factors have defiantly helped make the transition easier, and I am hoping to find a job soon and start feeling like I am part of a community again.
All in all, the adjustment to my new life has been going well. I haven't made any friends as of yet, but am getting to know more and more people everyday. Now, all I have to do is find people to go snowboarding with!
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