Stalling Out

So today is officially Thanksgiving. I'm heading home for dinner at about 4pm and am currently hoping and praying that all goes well. Apparently my mom even made pie. This is a new development.
Yesterday was also filled with a great deal of food. First it was out to Dick's for yummy ham and pie, and then to the Robinson's for turkey and cake. I was only able to down a wee bit at both places. But all was simply delicious. After dinner at the Robinson's I was able to play some Xbox with about 10 other people. It was awesome; the Big Room became nerd central and I was in the middle of it all. It was nice to game again. I had so much fun with everyone. These people are all my family, and yet I belong to none of them. I love them all. They keep me.
Unfortunatly, working early mornings and late evenings and not sleeping or eating enough for the past two weeks has made me sick. My head feels like a lead weight, my nose stuffed up, my stomach its usual unsettledness, and I had a terrible night of "sleep." I have't been sleeping well for a couple of months already, but last night, my stupid brain just would not shut off. I was dreaming about going to school all night, and Mr. H. was hunting my down, Brady was leaving again, Tiffany attacked me, and the gosh darn bus just would not come at the end of the day so it could all be over with. Oh man did that suck. Every time I woke, which was about every two hours on the dot, I had to redo my breathing excersizes just to doze off. Normally I only have to do meditations once right when I'm going to be in order to clear my mind enough to sleep, but holy cow it was not working at all last night!
Anyway, that's enough of that. The past couple of days have been evenful. Laura, Zaira, and I watched a movie called "Silent Hill." We knew it was supposed to be scary, which is why we watched it. The three of us girls ended up cuddling on one end of the couch in my house; there was screaming, choking, and ripping out of my hair, done mostly by Laura. It wasn't too scary. It just had a creepy little girl and an elevator plunging to Hell. Great times. Poor Curt came home to some seriously hyper girls, who also ended up cuddling with him. He is a man; he'll keep us safe right?
On Saturday I applied to my first Univeristy! Big step for Becca. This is great. It is called the University College of the Fraser Valley, and is located, convieniently in Abbotsford, BC. Shari and I were talking about moving there next year anyway. I'm no longer applying to Seattle, however. Apparently they offer zero financial aid to international students and I am not eligible for any scholarships if I am an international student. This is lame; I wanted to try for there, despite their ridiculously high tuitions.
Oh well, God closed that door but opened one for the University College, which I hadn't even been looking for; it just popped up. I have to make sure that I have faith that I'll end up where He wants me to be in the next year. My heart feels that my time in Linden is coming to a close for sure. I don't really know how to explain it, but when I think about really, truly starting my own, new life, I know that I won't be here. The thought of leaving feels like a warm sunshine on my face, like an awakening, like happienss.
I walk around this town a lot. Everything used to inspire me; God has given me eyes to see life and beauty in most everything, whether I acknowledge it or not. A year ago it felt like this place still held something greater for me. Now, this feeling has nearly dried up completely. I know that a small part of it comes from my heart being broken, but I've also had some sort of stubborness and knowledge of direction. I know, I can feel, that this place just doesn't fit anymore; I know that there is something far greater out there for me than what I'll recieve of I just stay put. I'll come back, of course, and I'm not wanting to dismiss how much I love my family, my dear roommates, my mentors, friends--everyone here. But this just doesn't feel right anymore. Besides, if I go away and things just aren't working out, maybe I'll realize I was wrong, or maybe the whole me going away is just a way of me finding strength in my faith again. Lord knows it is lacking.
Blah, huge ramble there kiddies, sorry about that. Like I said, I'm sick. My brain is expelling all the "toxins" (being the things I haven't been telling people). I feel completely unconcious right now. It's fun.
Good song to listen to: "Stalling Out" by Mute Math. They are a kick-freaking-butt band Daryl and Jess got me into. Even if you don't have an afinity for musical talents, the band rocks. This song makes me happy. I think this entry is long enough. G'day all. Happy Thanksgiving!