Have you ever noticed that sometimes, the world is quiet at all the wrong moments? Like, when you're wide awake and it is the middle of the night, and it is too quiet; when you call all your friends and none of them answer their phones; when your head is full of information but you completely blank out when you need to recall it? Yeah, it sucks. No, rather it is frustrating.
Don't get me wrong or anything: I am not sad or depressed. I have nothing in particular which I feel I need to tell anyone--nothing. I'm not really lonely, and I'm not particularly stressed anymore, now that I have finished my semester. Maybe I am still just over stimulated. Maybe I would go for a run, if it weren't snowing.
Friday, April 18, 2008
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
AWOL
Yes, I have been busy and have been putting off an update of my blog. I do apologize. The past month has been such a whirlwind...well, so much more than that. It went by in a blink of an eye!
I'm writing my last two final exams for the semester tomorrow, and as of 10pm tomorrow night, I will officially be done my first year of post-secondary. I'm actually sad to be saying that. For as stressful and exhausting this semester has been, I am kind of sad to be finished my first year, and am having some seriously mixed feelings about returning home. Before I get into all of that though, an update on the past:
I can't remember what I was doing a month ago. Working a lot. Probably. You know how it is with me, living a life of the work-school cycle allowing minimal time for eating and sleeping. It's fun. Exhausting, but at least things are getting done! My life was pleasantly disrupted when my brother, Curt, and Laura came out to visit me at the end of March. They were only out here for a few days, but it was nice to just take a break from everything. We had a lot of fun; we always have fun. We went out to Vancouver a couple times (to the aquarium and North Van), toured the immediate area of Chilliwack, Mission, Fort Langley, hung out in Abby a bit, and went States-side down to Olympia and over as far as Snoqualmie Falls (b-e-a-u-tiful folks!). In short, we covered some serious terrain and lived in the car. When they left though, everything went back to normal and I disappeared behind a massive pile of books and locked myself up in my room to type endless papers on my laptop.
Since April started, I have been all about wrapping up this semester. I've been writing essays and assignments day and night, and have pushed myself to physical limits to get everything done. But I am okay. I still have to do up my taxes, but that seems so much less daunting than school. I had this one research paper for English that I had began working on back in the middle of February that...I let it get too overwhelming. It simply began stressing my out so much that at the end I was close to a nervous breakdown! When I handed it in, suddenly everything that I had left to do seemed so much more plausible.
I'm moving back to Linden in just over a week and a half, and like I said, I have some seriously mixed feelings. I'm happy to be going back because Linden is relaxed and laid-back, and I miss a ton of people. But at the same time, I love it here. I have some really good friends here, and I love my house. I mean, despite the fact that I am living in the basement of a private family home, I am so independent. I take the bus, yes, but that works for me. I'm responsible for my own livelihood. I don't know. Part of my is afraid of heading back, but I know that is normal. I mean, I am not the same person I was eight months ago, and neither is anyone else. Here, I was in school and spoiled with opportunities to get educated on some topics that really interest me, and the friends that I have made here...not things that interest the majority of my friends back in Linden. I don't think I am better than anyone, but I am struggling with this concept of being back; it seems as though people are expecting things to "go back to normal." Normal wasn't working for me though, and to be honest, when I left Linden back in September, I left a lot of my relationships broken. Why would anyone want to go back to that? I don't, really. I don't know. I can foresee some tense moments over the next four months. Great. Sounds like a whole lot of not fun. I don't know, we'll see. I should probably start packing one of these days though. I should maybe get some boxes so I CAN start packing.
I'm writing my last two final exams for the semester tomorrow, and as of 10pm tomorrow night, I will officially be done my first year of post-secondary. I'm actually sad to be saying that. For as stressful and exhausting this semester has been, I am kind of sad to be finished my first year, and am having some seriously mixed feelings about returning home. Before I get into all of that though, an update on the past:
I can't remember what I was doing a month ago. Working a lot. Probably. You know how it is with me, living a life of the work-school cycle allowing minimal time for eating and sleeping. It's fun. Exhausting, but at least things are getting done! My life was pleasantly disrupted when my brother, Curt, and Laura came out to visit me at the end of March. They were only out here for a few days, but it was nice to just take a break from everything. We had a lot of fun; we always have fun. We went out to Vancouver a couple times (to the aquarium and North Van), toured the immediate area of Chilliwack, Mission, Fort Langley, hung out in Abby a bit, and went States-side down to Olympia and over as far as Snoqualmie Falls (b-e-a-u-tiful folks!). In short, we covered some serious terrain and lived in the car. When they left though, everything went back to normal and I disappeared behind a massive pile of books and locked myself up in my room to type endless papers on my laptop.
Since April started, I have been all about wrapping up this semester. I've been writing essays and assignments day and night, and have pushed myself to physical limits to get everything done. But I am okay. I still have to do up my taxes, but that seems so much less daunting than school. I had this one research paper for English that I had began working on back in the middle of February that...I let it get too overwhelming. It simply began stressing my out so much that at the end I was close to a nervous breakdown! When I handed it in, suddenly everything that I had left to do seemed so much more plausible.
I'm moving back to Linden in just over a week and a half, and like I said, I have some seriously mixed feelings. I'm happy to be going back because Linden is relaxed and laid-back, and I miss a ton of people. But at the same time, I love it here. I have some really good friends here, and I love my house. I mean, despite the fact that I am living in the basement of a private family home, I am so independent. I take the bus, yes, but that works for me. I'm responsible for my own livelihood. I don't know. Part of my is afraid of heading back, but I know that is normal. I mean, I am not the same person I was eight months ago, and neither is anyone else. Here, I was in school and spoiled with opportunities to get educated on some topics that really interest me, and the friends that I have made here...not things that interest the majority of my friends back in Linden. I don't think I am better than anyone, but I am struggling with this concept of being back; it seems as though people are expecting things to "go back to normal." Normal wasn't working for me though, and to be honest, when I left Linden back in September, I left a lot of my relationships broken. Why would anyone want to go back to that? I don't, really. I don't know. I can foresee some tense moments over the next four months. Great. Sounds like a whole lot of not fun. I don't know, we'll see. I should probably start packing one of these days though. I should maybe get some boxes so I CAN start packing.
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Tainted Love
I don't know if I am frustrated, disappointed, or just having a crisis of self. Or maybe I am just growing up and feeling the growing pains of become a rational and intelligent human being.
My world has become so methodical; I have a system, I am organized, and I am always thinking about the next project of task I have to complete. I have never been someone who uses an agenda, nor have I been one to devote my whole self to one specific thing. I'm a bit flaky, or I used to be. I mean, I've been late for work very rarely, and usually I am very task oriented, but whether I had control over my sequence of thought or not--that is a different story. But now that I am back in school...things are so different. I am so different.
My first class of this semester was Political Science, and the first thing that came out of my teacher's mouth was that this class, in particular, was meant to create rational, "thinking" human beings. That statement did two things in my mind: it banished any doubts that I had about me being in the class, and it made me start thinking about how narrow-minded and egotistical I am. That class was followed by my Anthropology class, which has only intensified any realizations of self that I develop in PoliSci. Now that the semester is almost over, I am no longer sure I am a happy-camper. Well I am, but I don't know if I still have faith in mankind's ability to make right of so much wrong.
At the start of PoliSci. I was hoping that I would be able to develop a sense of whether I am more Liberal in my beliefs, or if I am more of a Conservative, as my Albertan blood would have me believe. Now, I never once thought that the class would spell it out in black and white for me, but I at least thought that I would have some sort of idea of whether I was right or left by the end of the class. Now, almost at the end and I feel ever so much more confused than I was when I first began. I was so wrong in my initial beliefs; I hated war (and I still do) and wanted to be a humanitarian and wanted to make the world a better place. Now I am learning that in order to exact positive change, often a strong political force is needed. How disheartening!
At the start of Anthro. I thought I knew more about the world that I apparently thought I did. I love cultures, but I had such I naive perception of what the world was really like. In fact, if I had just up and moved to a new culture three months ago, I would have done harm to that culture because of my egocentric nature. I had no idea how diverse this world really is!
That said, I am struggling. I can't understand so much right now, and my head is filling with all of this knowledge of things facing reality, and it bothers me to now end how little people care. For instance, Canadians bash the
And then there is the topic of democracy. We are not a democratic and capitalist society. We may claim to be, but we aren't. I mean, we can vote for our government, but that is essentially the only power the people have. Our society is so twisted and corrupted by deals and agreements between mega-corporations and our democratically elected leaders, and the majority of the earth's population has no idea. I feel so conflicted over daily life now. I work for Starbucks, and that bothers my morals enough. They promote their "Ethos" water and boast about how purchasing the $2.84 bottle of water you are helping a child in
I've been watching a series of documentaries called "The Corporation." It's really eye opening. I mean, I'm not claiming to be a sheep and just believing everything the movies told me, but it defiantly has me interested in knowing were my products are coming from, and just how this world really works.
I am just getting so fed up with how daft our society is, or at least how mindless it can be! I mean, we have people voting and they don't even know what they are voting for. We are condemning other societies for the way they function, even when we can't even function democratically ourselves. Are we hypocrites, or have we just lots sight of reality? And now, even worse, I am learning all of these things and at a loss of how to change my actions and beliefs so as to "practice what I preach." Crisis of self? Or growing pains?
Monday, March 03, 2008
Cap'n Crunch
I can not believe that there is only one more month to my semester. It is going to go by so fast! Even more crazy, I have been living out here for more than half a year! Where does the time go?
I must apologize for a previous entry of mine. Recently I made an entry in which I completely bashed my English class, calling it a waste of time. The irony is, after writing that entry, ending it, and then going to class, I was handed back the summary paper I wrote. It was a rewrite. In my whole career as a writer I have never once been told that I needed to rewrite something. Ever since Grade 2, I have been praised for my writing abilities. So, needless to say, when I got the "Rewrite" I was rather surprised. I felt like I was cut at the knees. It was a pretty crushing blow to my ego and my confidence. I had been so cocky and arrogant towards my English class--my teacher and classmates--and getting one rewrite was enough to make me think that I couldn't write. Despite all the high marks I got on my term paper and essays last semester, one little summary paper with a non-existent mark on it was enough to humble me.
In the week that I had to rewrite that paper, I also had to write a critique paper for the same class and five essays for a Political Science midterm (which I have yet to get back), and the whole week had me stressing out. It got me focusing on my studies and critiquing myself to no end--I poured so many hours into those papers. Both the revised summary paper and the critique paper were handed back to me last week with A's, but the marks, although relieving the worries, fell pretty much flat on me. I was just proud of myself simply for the fact that I was able to prove my strengths even at a time when I was "caught with my pants down." It was pretty cool, and a totally needed attitude adjustment.
On a lighter note, I am helping out with DEMO Crew again this year. We're heading in from July 14-18 and I will be 20 years old by the time we're there. Me, 20? It's kind of intimidating! Anyway, so my English class, once again, has proved to be far more than I thought it would be. My professor, and only my professor, has tailored her course around social issues facing youth and the homeless. I did not know this when I signed up for her course, and to that, I can only give credit to God. If you know me, you know that homelessness and the societal struggles people face while in the cycle are incredibly close to my heart. I was blessed with so many opportunities to volunteer at the Mustard Seed in Calgary when I was young and impressionable. Now that I am lending my services as a leader to younger folks interested in doing the same, I find it ironic that my English class, a class so unlikely to act as a think tank for homeless issues is just that! I mean, it is an essay topic and I have to discuss it for a final grade! It is totally a prep course for my upcoming leadership this summer. Amazing. So I mean now to lend credit to my English class. It is awesome.
On the more funny side of life, my friend and I skipped campus for dinner today. We went over to a Timmy-Ho's (just down the street from my Starbucks, which makes me a traitor), and after having a ball of a time and noticing the time, seeing that we had six minuets to get me to class, we frantically left. However, Abby is a city where common sense and straight roads don't exist. We ended up lost in a Rona-Costco parking lot, just trying to figure out how the heck to get to the road which would supposedly take us back to the school. At long last we found it, and then promptly found ourselves driving around in the countryside. It was fun. We randomly stumbled upon a place called Cap'n Crunch, which was fittingly a car demolition place. Good fun.
I must apologize for a previous entry of mine. Recently I made an entry in which I completely bashed my English class, calling it a waste of time. The irony is, after writing that entry, ending it, and then going to class, I was handed back the summary paper I wrote. It was a rewrite. In my whole career as a writer I have never once been told that I needed to rewrite something. Ever since Grade 2, I have been praised for my writing abilities. So, needless to say, when I got the "Rewrite" I was rather surprised. I felt like I was cut at the knees. It was a pretty crushing blow to my ego and my confidence. I had been so cocky and arrogant towards my English class--my teacher and classmates--and getting one rewrite was enough to make me think that I couldn't write. Despite all the high marks I got on my term paper and essays last semester, one little summary paper with a non-existent mark on it was enough to humble me.
In the week that I had to rewrite that paper, I also had to write a critique paper for the same class and five essays for a Political Science midterm (which I have yet to get back), and the whole week had me stressing out. It got me focusing on my studies and critiquing myself to no end--I poured so many hours into those papers. Both the revised summary paper and the critique paper were handed back to me last week with A's, but the marks, although relieving the worries, fell pretty much flat on me. I was just proud of myself simply for the fact that I was able to prove my strengths even at a time when I was "caught with my pants down." It was pretty cool, and a totally needed attitude adjustment.
On a lighter note, I am helping out with DEMO Crew again this year. We're heading in from July 14-18 and I will be 20 years old by the time we're there. Me, 20? It's kind of intimidating! Anyway, so my English class, once again, has proved to be far more than I thought it would be. My professor, and only my professor, has tailored her course around social issues facing youth and the homeless. I did not know this when I signed up for her course, and to that, I can only give credit to God. If you know me, you know that homelessness and the societal struggles people face while in the cycle are incredibly close to my heart. I was blessed with so many opportunities to volunteer at the Mustard Seed in Calgary when I was young and impressionable. Now that I am lending my services as a leader to younger folks interested in doing the same, I find it ironic that my English class, a class so unlikely to act as a think tank for homeless issues is just that! I mean, it is an essay topic and I have to discuss it for a final grade! It is totally a prep course for my upcoming leadership this summer. Amazing. So I mean now to lend credit to my English class. It is awesome.
On the more funny side of life, my friend and I skipped campus for dinner today. We went over to a Timmy-Ho's (just down the street from my Starbucks, which makes me a traitor), and after having a ball of a time and noticing the time, seeing that we had six minuets to get me to class, we frantically left. However, Abby is a city where common sense and straight roads don't exist. We ended up lost in a Rona-Costco parking lot, just trying to figure out how the heck to get to the road which would supposedly take us back to the school. At long last we found it, and then promptly found ourselves driving around in the countryside. It was fun. We randomly stumbled upon a place called Cap'n Crunch, which was fittingly a car demolition place. Good fun.
Monday, February 25, 2008
Roasty Toasty
I suppose it has actually been more than one week since I last wrote here, but not much has happened. I've been busy working on a number of papers, midterms, essays, projects, and trying to squeeze in some hours at Starbucks. It's been pretty constant. We had "reading week" here last week--the break consisted of a Monday and Tuesday. I was fortunate enough to have Sunday to Wednesday free to work on the pile of work I was given, and I even got most of it done.
I'm healthy again too, which is nice. I'm kind of tired, but for the most part I am well. I burned my arm on the oven door on Tuesday in an attempt to keep the dog from snagging the chicken off the pan. It's been a rather nasty experience. First is was considerably moist. It was oozing for a few days, but then finally scabbed up. Now it is dry and cracking and bleeding. I have a cream that I have been putting on it, but it just doesn't seem to be aiding anything at all.
I've been stressed. Really stressed. But I am pulling through, painfully, but getting through this nonetheless. I need to pick up some serious extra hours at Starbucks if at all possible, which means my homework and sleep time will have to be somewhat sacrificed, but my hours are being cut back without my consent and I am having trouble getting enough money to make rent, let alone pay my bills and down my debt. Stupid taxes. I have those to do as well. Being a grown up is hard.
My friends have been fantastic though. I've come to adore a great number of the people I have met out here, and leaving them to head home for the summer will be tough, despite the fact that I am returning to a town full of people I love. I like it though.
I got an A on my first of three linguistics tests today, which is very comforting. Up until this past week or two, I have not had a single assignment or test. Now I am beginning to really see how well I am doing in my classes which really helps! My walls at home are covered in sticky notes again, but now there are maps, and current events that I've cut from the Globe and Mail as well. It helps. It all helps.
I've seemingly gotten into the habit of doing some intense physical activity to help deal with my stress. I burden myself with a muscle-numbing workout when I am too stressed to sleep, or in my "freak out" moments when I really have no sight of the light at the end of the tunnel. I wouldn't say that it helps me in any other way than giving me a sense of accomplishment. It's pretty cool.
The weather out here has been amazing. The patio at work is open. It is February. I never thought I would see the day when people would be wearing shorts and skirts in February in Canada and not be frozen. Wonderful.
Anyway, that is a wee bit of an update on me. I'm still alive and pumping blood, but life has me running around like a crazy-person.
I'm healthy again too, which is nice. I'm kind of tired, but for the most part I am well. I burned my arm on the oven door on Tuesday in an attempt to keep the dog from snagging the chicken off the pan. It's been a rather nasty experience. First is was considerably moist. It was oozing for a few days, but then finally scabbed up. Now it is dry and cracking and bleeding. I have a cream that I have been putting on it, but it just doesn't seem to be aiding anything at all.
I've been stressed. Really stressed. But I am pulling through, painfully, but getting through this nonetheless. I need to pick up some serious extra hours at Starbucks if at all possible, which means my homework and sleep time will have to be somewhat sacrificed, but my hours are being cut back without my consent and I am having trouble getting enough money to make rent, let alone pay my bills and down my debt. Stupid taxes. I have those to do as well. Being a grown up is hard.
My friends have been fantastic though. I've come to adore a great number of the people I have met out here, and leaving them to head home for the summer will be tough, despite the fact that I am returning to a town full of people I love. I like it though.
I got an A on my first of three linguistics tests today, which is very comforting. Up until this past week or two, I have not had a single assignment or test. Now I am beginning to really see how well I am doing in my classes which really helps! My walls at home are covered in sticky notes again, but now there are maps, and current events that I've cut from the Globe and Mail as well. It helps. It all helps.
I've seemingly gotten into the habit of doing some intense physical activity to help deal with my stress. I burden myself with a muscle-numbing workout when I am too stressed to sleep, or in my "freak out" moments when I really have no sight of the light at the end of the tunnel. I wouldn't say that it helps me in any other way than giving me a sense of accomplishment. It's pretty cool.
The weather out here has been amazing. The patio at work is open. It is February. I never thought I would see the day when people would be wearing shorts and skirts in February in Canada and not be frozen. Wonderful.
Anyway, that is a wee bit of an update on me. I'm still alive and pumping blood, but life has me running around like a crazy-person.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Another Week, Another Illness
So I am sick again, but I'm already getting over it. I took all of Tuesday off and slept for about 13 hours, and I was feeling better for work on Wednesday.
I have this one class that makes me feel like I am wasting my time. English 105 is pretty much a review of what I feel is common sense, and all the same things my High school English teacher taught me. I mean, seriously. I had to pass some lame placement exam to get me in a class that is simply a review of High school English?? How stupid is that? Oh well, I have to take it if I--it is a core requirement on my Bachelors degree, and I need it before I can go into any other English classes. It's just one of those things that you just wish you didn't have to waste your time on....
As far as my other classes go, I must admit, I just do not feel like I am putting in the time they demand. I mean, I get the readings done, I take the notes, and my comprehension is there, but, for instance with Linguistics, I just can't recall the information when I need to. I also have several assignments, papers, and presentations which are already coming up with looming due dates--and midterms (already!!!!!!!) to go with them...and then there will be finals again in a month and a half, and then what? And then what indeed.
I'm thinking that I'll be headed back to Linden for the whole summer, and will then try to find some work to use up all that lovely free time I will have. I went to work the other day, and it was a fabulous day too, and I realized that I'll likely only have another month or two with that job, and it made me light hearted--and sad.
I think this past Saturday was to worst day of work I have ever had. I went home and felt like the customers had taken part of my soul; I just felt like I was done with people and was so happy to go home to an empty house and wallow in my self pity. But then on the other hand, my co-workers are some f the best people I have ever met, and my heart will be sad when I say goodbye to them. Even worse, leaving the family that I live with now! Goodness, I never expected to grow so close to the family I moved in with ( which was a very naive assumption on my behalf, and if you know me at all, you will understand why), and moving out of their house will be incredibly sad. They don't feel like my own family, but they certainly have a very special place in my heart. I firmly believe that a great deal of my success out here and my ability to adapt to life out here was because of them and their open hearts. Such wonderful people, let me tell you!
Anyway, so that is the news. I have to get going to my lame-o class now. You know what? I am looking forward to summer even for the reason that I will have something more stimulating and less repetitious to write about other than school and work and school and work and...you get the point.
I have this one class that makes me feel like I am wasting my time. English 105 is pretty much a review of what I feel is common sense, and all the same things my High school English teacher taught me. I mean, seriously. I had to pass some lame placement exam to get me in a class that is simply a review of High school English?? How stupid is that? Oh well, I have to take it if I--it is a core requirement on my Bachelors degree, and I need it before I can go into any other English classes. It's just one of those things that you just wish you didn't have to waste your time on....
As far as my other classes go, I must admit, I just do not feel like I am putting in the time they demand. I mean, I get the readings done, I take the notes, and my comprehension is there, but, for instance with Linguistics, I just can't recall the information when I need to. I also have several assignments, papers, and presentations which are already coming up with looming due dates--and midterms (already!!!!!!!) to go with them...and then there will be finals again in a month and a half, and then what? And then what indeed.
I'm thinking that I'll be headed back to Linden for the whole summer, and will then try to find some work to use up all that lovely free time I will have. I went to work the other day, and it was a fabulous day too, and I realized that I'll likely only have another month or two with that job, and it made me light hearted--and sad.
I think this past Saturday was to worst day of work I have ever had. I went home and felt like the customers had taken part of my soul; I just felt like I was done with people and was so happy to go home to an empty house and wallow in my self pity. But then on the other hand, my co-workers are some f the best people I have ever met, and my heart will be sad when I say goodbye to them. Even worse, leaving the family that I live with now! Goodness, I never expected to grow so close to the family I moved in with ( which was a very naive assumption on my behalf, and if you know me at all, you will understand why), and moving out of their house will be incredibly sad. They don't feel like my own family, but they certainly have a very special place in my heart. I firmly believe that a great deal of my success out here and my ability to adapt to life out here was because of them and their open hearts. Such wonderful people, let me tell you!
Anyway, so that is the news. I have to get going to my lame-o class now. You know what? I am looking forward to summer even for the reason that I will have something more stimulating and less repetitious to write about other than school and work and school and work and...you get the point.
Monday, February 04, 2008
32 is the D F in which W F
Another Monday has come, and pretty much gone, and now I am left sitting in the sorry excuse for a "cafe" at my school for two hours, waiting for the bus to come and take me home. I wait the two hours because the bus that comes at 10:05pm will take me right to my house, whereas the bus that I would have to connect with (otherwise) at the mall, which leaves at 10:03pm, would only take me as far as the bus stop, which is a 13-30 min. hike from my house, depending on the load I'm carrying on my back (which, on Mondays, consists of: 1 laptop and lap top bag with cords, 3 textbooks, one of which is hardcover, 1 notebook or binder, food containers and a water bottle, and various small items, in addition to my 130lb. self and bulky-ish winter jacket--after 9 hours of classes). Thus the reason I have decided to be lazy and wait for the bus to drive me home.
This week has been...a week. It was not the most catastrophic of weeks, and not the best of weeks by any means. I feel somewhat as though I let myself down, perhaps. A social situation arose this week, for which I was unprepared to deal with, and I feel as though I handled it most immaturely. It might not have bothered me so much but for the fact that I am blessed enough to be a leader to some younger girls, and I don't feel right advising them to act assertivly, when I myself don't take my own advice. Sometimes, in certain situations, I get flustered somewhat easily.
On the upside, however, I got the chance to briefly see a familiar face this past week. One of my old classmates from Acme lives here in Abbotsford (I think I have seen him three or four times now, since I moved out here), and he dropped my my house for a wee bit. It was cool seeing someone I actually know from home again. I mean, I know I was just home a couple weeks ago, but it almost feels like Linden and Abbotsford are entirely mutually exclusive. if that makes any sense; the two places certainly don't coincide, and I am even somewhat outwardly different in both places. I mean, obviously I am more outgoing back home because everyone knows me and I know everyone, and here it is not the same case. I mean, I have a ton of friends here, but our relationship is somewhat different as we are all students, working part time and at school full time, and many of my friends commute to Abby. It makes it somewhat difficult, but I'm getting used to it. I have a couple outings in the works at the moment, which is really encouraging.
As far as summer holidays go, I still don't know what I want to do. To be honest, I would really like to not be working at Starbucks the whole time; it is waning on my, not that it ever particularly thrilled me, and I am about done dealing with the majority of the customers we serve. Plus, I feel like it is a violation of my moral beliefs, and a total false front--it makes me feel no better than I think it would if I were one of the higher ups for Chiquita bananas or Dole or Del Monte, or something. But they have a benefits program which pays for my glasses and contacts, basic dental and medical, and you know what? I am a student--those benefits are important and far better than the health care plan that my school has! Plus, I have come to adore my co-workers. Anyway, back to summer: please pray!! I am headed home for 3 weeks in July to lead a crew of young ones into DEMO crew again this year, and I would really love, more than anything, to head south for a bit, for numerous reasons. And then there is the question of where I am going to live in the fall, for the summer while I am here, if I am, where I'll keep my stuff if I head back home for the full 5 months, where I will be working for the summer, after the summer...to many things that are filling my mind and pulling my focus away from my studies, which are far more important at the moment. So yes, prayer would be...would be wonderful.
The best moment of this past week: well, the 2 snow days we had were fabulous--especially being that there was only a couple feet of snow--and the fact that my cat is a Rastafarian. She was a wee bit testy one day; I turned on some Bob Marley, "Three Little Birds," and she just calmed right down. She rolled over onto her back with her little feet up in the air and passed out. I was happy that she stopped trying to scratch my innocent knee, and very tempted to find her some catnip....
This week has been...a week. It was not the most catastrophic of weeks, and not the best of weeks by any means. I feel somewhat as though I let myself down, perhaps. A social situation arose this week, for which I was unprepared to deal with, and I feel as though I handled it most immaturely. It might not have bothered me so much but for the fact that I am blessed enough to be a leader to some younger girls, and I don't feel right advising them to act assertivly, when I myself don't take my own advice. Sometimes, in certain situations, I get flustered somewhat easily.
On the upside, however, I got the chance to briefly see a familiar face this past week. One of my old classmates from Acme lives here in Abbotsford (I think I have seen him three or four times now, since I moved out here), and he dropped my my house for a wee bit. It was cool seeing someone I actually know from home again. I mean, I know I was just home a couple weeks ago, but it almost feels like Linden and Abbotsford are entirely mutually exclusive. if that makes any sense; the two places certainly don't coincide, and I am even somewhat outwardly different in both places. I mean, obviously I am more outgoing back home because everyone knows me and I know everyone, and here it is not the same case. I mean, I have a ton of friends here, but our relationship is somewhat different as we are all students, working part time and at school full time, and many of my friends commute to Abby. It makes it somewhat difficult, but I'm getting used to it. I have a couple outings in the works at the moment, which is really encouraging.
As far as summer holidays go, I still don't know what I want to do. To be honest, I would really like to not be working at Starbucks the whole time; it is waning on my, not that it ever particularly thrilled me, and I am about done dealing with the majority of the customers we serve. Plus, I feel like it is a violation of my moral beliefs, and a total false front--it makes me feel no better than I think it would if I were one of the higher ups for Chiquita bananas or Dole or Del Monte, or something. But they have a benefits program which pays for my glasses and contacts, basic dental and medical, and you know what? I am a student--those benefits are important and far better than the health care plan that my school has! Plus, I have come to adore my co-workers. Anyway, back to summer: please pray!! I am headed home for 3 weeks in July to lead a crew of young ones into DEMO crew again this year, and I would really love, more than anything, to head south for a bit, for numerous reasons. And then there is the question of where I am going to live in the fall, for the summer while I am here, if I am, where I'll keep my stuff if I head back home for the full 5 months, where I will be working for the summer, after the summer...to many things that are filling my mind and pulling my focus away from my studies, which are far more important at the moment. So yes, prayer would be...would be wonderful.
The best moment of this past week: well, the 2 snow days we had were fabulous--especially being that there was only a couple feet of snow--and the fact that my cat is a Rastafarian. She was a wee bit testy one day; I turned on some Bob Marley, "Three Little Birds," and she just calmed right down. She rolled over onto her back with her little feet up in the air and passed out. I was happy that she stopped trying to scratch my innocent knee, and very tempted to find her some catnip....
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Sushi and Black Pills
As January rolls out, it was only fitting that we get some nasty weather. All available transit was shut down yesterday--and I was completely stranded after leaving work. The taxis were not running up my mountain because of the seriously slick road conditions, and for the same reason, my land lady was unable to come and pick me up. I was like: "Problem solving!" Really, I had no idea what I was going to do. But thankfully, my land lady is super woman and she figured out a way for me to get home. Thank goodness.
In the good ol' way of the Fraser valley, however, most of the snow and ice soon melted, and today, only sidewalks remain to be shoveled, and almost all the other snow is gone or has been shaped in gigantic snowmen.
In fact, later last night, the weather had completely changed and the roads were again drivable. Taking advantage of this, my land lady and I decided to head out for sushi, rather than muster the motivation to make food for ourselves. so we went, and it was good. We split some veggie tempura (yum, by the way), I had some simple California rolls, and one piece of Unagi (BBQ eel). I've had all this stuff before, and love it, so it was nothing new to my stomach. But later in the evening, my tummy was not at all happy. Something nasty came over me and I felt incredibly foul.
When I moved out here, one of the last things I grabbed from a friend was a baggy full of these smelly little Chinese all natural cure-all pills. I don't know what they are called, so amoung my peeps, they are known as "black pills." They smell like creosote, or really pungent campfire, they look like rabbit droppings, and their smell lingers forever and seeps out your pores; bottom line: you should never take these little pills when you are required to be in public. But they work, and they pretty much fix every problem your stomach and digestive system might be feeling.
I took a couple, and pretty much within an hour I was once again able to move in and out of the fetal position, not to mention, muster enough energy sans nausea to get from my couch to my bed. Good times. No clue what it was. I don't blame the sushi, just the irony of timing. I think everyone should eat sushi all the time. But not tuna sushi because it is laden with heightened levels of mercury. So don't eat raw tuna too much.
I've been reading my Political Science textbook on World Politics, and my Anthropology texts all day. It feels good to be writing about something as meaningless as black pills and sushi.
In the good ol' way of the Fraser valley, however, most of the snow and ice soon melted, and today, only sidewalks remain to be shoveled, and almost all the other snow is gone or has been shaped in gigantic snowmen.
In fact, later last night, the weather had completely changed and the roads were again drivable. Taking advantage of this, my land lady and I decided to head out for sushi, rather than muster the motivation to make food for ourselves. so we went, and it was good. We split some veggie tempura (yum, by the way), I had some simple California rolls, and one piece of Unagi (BBQ eel). I've had all this stuff before, and love it, so it was nothing new to my stomach. But later in the evening, my tummy was not at all happy. Something nasty came over me and I felt incredibly foul.
When I moved out here, one of the last things I grabbed from a friend was a baggy full of these smelly little Chinese all natural cure-all pills. I don't know what they are called, so amoung my peeps, they are known as "black pills." They smell like creosote, or really pungent campfire, they look like rabbit droppings, and their smell lingers forever and seeps out your pores; bottom line: you should never take these little pills when you are required to be in public. But they work, and they pretty much fix every problem your stomach and digestive system might be feeling.
I took a couple, and pretty much within an hour I was once again able to move in and out of the fetal position, not to mention, muster enough energy sans nausea to get from my couch to my bed. Good times. No clue what it was. I don't blame the sushi, just the irony of timing. I think everyone should eat sushi all the time. But not tuna sushi because it is laden with heightened levels of mercury. So don't eat raw tuna too much.
I've been reading my Political Science textbook on World Politics, and my Anthropology texts all day. It feels good to be writing about something as meaningless as black pills and sushi.
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Non Sequiter
So I've been back in Abby for just over a week now. All things considered, Abbotsford has really begun to feel somewhat like "home." I guess. Okay, it feels like a temporary home, but home none the less.
Pretty much the second I got off the plane, I was back into the school lifestyle; I had an English class later that same evening. Three weeks into class and I admit, I feel like I am drowning scientific terms and political policies that I do not understand. Two of m textbooks are just like...I don't know. I get headaches after trying to read the texts for long period of time. Oh well, I am sure I'll figure out a way to get through it.
Work is going...it is going. I like my co-workers at Starbucks (and I get a great set of benefits!!), but golly gosh gee, I don't know how long it will last. After my trip home and the few hours I worked at Global Grounds, it reminded me of how much the people connection means to me. And a good cup of coffee of course. Oh, and not to mention, it reminded me that there really are some great people out there, but most of them live in Linden. Sob.
Oh well, I don't know how long I'll be at Starbucks. I'm trying to think about what to do for summer, and there are a couple really cool things that I would like to do. But that is a couple of months away yet. I don't know what I am going to do, where I'll be living, who I'll be working for, or if I will even be in the country the whole time. Fun fun times!
So there is an uber quick update on the ins and outs of what has been happening with me in the past week. Not much.
Pretty much the second I got off the plane, I was back into the school lifestyle; I had an English class later that same evening. Three weeks into class and I admit, I feel like I am drowning scientific terms and political policies that I do not understand. Two of m textbooks are just like...I don't know. I get headaches after trying to read the texts for long period of time. Oh well, I am sure I'll figure out a way to get through it.
Work is going...it is going. I like my co-workers at Starbucks (and I get a great set of benefits!!), but golly gosh gee, I don't know how long it will last. After my trip home and the few hours I worked at Global Grounds, it reminded me of how much the people connection means to me. And a good cup of coffee of course. Oh, and not to mention, it reminded me that there really are some great people out there, but most of them live in Linden. Sob.
Oh well, I don't know how long I'll be at Starbucks. I'm trying to think about what to do for summer, and there are a couple really cool things that I would like to do. But that is a couple of months away yet. I don't know what I am going to do, where I'll be living, who I'll be working for, or if I will even be in the country the whole time. Fun fun times!
So there is an uber quick update on the ins and outs of what has been happening with me in the past week. Not much.
Monday, January 14, 2008
Home Tastes Like a Small Caramella with Whipped Cream
I am not ready to head back west yet. I've been on vacation in Linden for a week now, and in that time, have seen so many of the people I've missed; despite the time I've had here, I feel like I have had hardly enough time to spend with the people I miss so much.
It's been good though, and as always, being back in Alberta has been refreshing and a huge blessing. And sunny! A lot has happened this week, sleep not being one of them unfortunately, and while my time out here has been refreshing, at the same time I feel somewhat burned out. I think that's only because I seem to be unable to sleep when I'm back home, for some strange reason.
It has been three months since I was last home, and for the most part, three months since I last had a conversation with many people here. But it does not seem like I was gone at all. Not that life and Linden have not changed at all (they actually have), it just seems like I was asleep, or that Abby was just a dream, or I spent the last three or four months completely out of it. If that makes any sense. I came home, and everything just fell back into place as it was before. Or, well, most things, but not all. Some of the things I wish were the same are not, and some of the things I wish were better are seemingly worse. But, that is how life goes, or so I have been told.
People back in Linden are...unique. They seem to genuinely want the best for you, and they treat you not only with courtesy, but they make every effort to better the lives of the people they love. Some how I got to be so loved, and coming home is like--like what i always hoped "coming home" would feel like, I guess.
I'm looking forward to getting back to school, of course, But at the same time, I know that it will be a while before I am able to come back again, and that makes me want to spend every minuet with the people I love. And it is true, I did not realize how much I loved some of the people back home, until I went away; now I just want to bring them with me wherever I go because I love them so much. I guess that is the way of life though.
I'm a big kid now.
It's been good though, and as always, being back in Alberta has been refreshing and a huge blessing. And sunny! A lot has happened this week, sleep not being one of them unfortunately, and while my time out here has been refreshing, at the same time I feel somewhat burned out. I think that's only because I seem to be unable to sleep when I'm back home, for some strange reason.
It has been three months since I was last home, and for the most part, three months since I last had a conversation with many people here. But it does not seem like I was gone at all. Not that life and Linden have not changed at all (they actually have), it just seems like I was asleep, or that Abby was just a dream, or I spent the last three or four months completely out of it. If that makes any sense. I came home, and everything just fell back into place as it was before. Or, well, most things, but not all. Some of the things I wish were the same are not, and some of the things I wish were better are seemingly worse. But, that is how life goes, or so I have been told.
People back in Linden are...unique. They seem to genuinely want the best for you, and they treat you not only with courtesy, but they make every effort to better the lives of the people they love. Some how I got to be so loved, and coming home is like--like what i always hoped "coming home" would feel like, I guess.
I'm looking forward to getting back to school, of course, But at the same time, I know that it will be a while before I am able to come back again, and that makes me want to spend every minuet with the people I love. And it is true, I did not realize how much I loved some of the people back home, until I went away; now I just want to bring them with me wherever I go because I love them so much. I guess that is the way of life though.
I'm a big kid now.
Sunday, January 06, 2008
An Update
Second semester starts in one day! Goodness, I am so excited; I am the biggest nerd. I actually quite enjoy post-secondary, however, aside from the insane cost of textbooks. It should be an interesting semester: three of my four classes are on Monday (the only day they were offered), and the other is Tuesday and Thursday evenings. I’m hoping night classes, or later-in-the-day classes will not only yield a group of more focused classmates, but the opportunity to actually get to know some of them.
I have been working my tush off and my mind has been unable to focus on anything really, in the past couple of weeks. It almost feels like I’ve gone about a separate life, which has been so up and down, frustrating and somewhat discouraging. I’m still chugging along though, so I guess that is good.
My Christmas was awesome. My sweet landlords bought me a brand new printer (my other new one was fried in one of the many power surges we’ve had, as was theirs) and made me join them in Surrey for a turkey dinner, sans cranberry sauce, with their extended family. It was lovely. We played some Wii (I kicked butt at bowling), watch some Rush Hour 3, and ate a whole bunch of delightful food. But it still didn’t feel like Christmas, being away from GG, and mom and dad.
I have been working my tush off and my mind has been unable to focus on anything really, in the past couple of weeks. It almost feels like I’ve gone about a separate life, which has been so up and down, frustrating and somewhat discouraging. I’m still chugging along though, so I guess that is good.
My Christmas was awesome. My sweet landlords bought me a brand new printer (my other new one was fried in one of the many power surges we’ve had, as was theirs) and made me join them in Surrey for a turkey dinner, sans cranberry sauce, with their extended family. It was lovely. We played some Wii (I kicked butt at bowling), watch some Rush Hour 3, and ate a whole bunch of delightful food. But it still didn’t feel like Christmas, being away from GG, and mom and dad.
New Year's was pretty much uneventful for me. I worked New Year's Eve, and had the first two days of the year to myself. It was odd though; I felt a great deal more homesick than I thought I would. I admitt, I was lonely. However, my homesickness was relieved when my old youth pastor and good friend, and his family and sweet little girls gave me a call. They were in town and we went out for a coffee, and I was so happy to spend time with them.
Thursday, December 13, 2007
My Shoes
Okay, this is going to be a really girlie blog posting, so please, bear with me.
I have a collection of shoes. Two years ago I didn't have more than one or two pairs, but now I have quite a few more. I have bought a few of them as methods of feeling better about myself, but above all, in my collection, I have one sacred pair. Or at least they feel sacred.
Several times since I bought them two years ago, I have taken down the box they sit in, opened it and tried so desperatly to wear them, but in two years, I think I have only really worn them a half a dozen times or so. I bought them shortly after Brady (my first boyfriend) and I started dating; my English 30 class was going to Theatre Calgary for "A Christmas Story," and we were supposed to look clean and pretty. Totally fun. It was my first time in the theatre, and I even had a boy I was swooning over to hold my hand. His was the first hand I ever held. On the way home, I was tired and I rested my head on Brady's shoulder, which was yet another first for me. The whole night, I could not stop smiling and I felt--I don't know--the way you feel when you're with your first real boyfriend.
We ended up breaking up at the end of the following summer, which was pretty hard on me for a long time. Afterwards, it was like he was a completely different person, and I was so angry with him. I became this horrible person towards him; I was a different person too. It took me a long time to realize that out break-up was inevitable; I wanted to teach and see the world, and he wanted to do something--else. I don't know if he really knows even now, but that doesn't matter; one day he'll really figure it out. But regardless, I knew I didn't want to be with him long term and even now, have no desire to be married by a certain age. It just took me a while to realize that my desires and plans for my life leave little room for a significant other or any form, let alone one that doesn't know what he wants to do with his life.
It was nearly a year before I had the sense enough about me to apologize to him. We talk now and get along fine, and I am so happy for him and his new girlfriend, though I still don't understand why he moved to Winnipeg.
After we broke up, I couldn't wear my fancy shoes. They were ordained in one of the more special moments of my life, and I didn't want to marr them with unimportant memories or bitter thoughts. I would put them on from time to time in an attempt to wear them, but they have this sort of feeling about them. I don't really know how to explain it; they feel filled with this pure, first love innocence. Like, they seem to exude it; they feel like shoes to be saved for moments that one needs an instant injection of life again. I stashed them in their box at the top of my closet, and brought them with me to BC.
I haven't worn them in a year, or so, but I took them down tonight. I plan on wearing them to my landlord's girl's Christmas concert. Not for their concert, but for me. I feel like in the past few months, I have been so broken emotionally, so lost; but I am okay now. It was just growing pains, of course, and some of them were very painful. But I grew, and most importantly, I did not let myself down one bit. I succeeded when I thought it would be so hard. I have friends here, and I had a family to decorate a tree with, and so many good memories of people I only had three months to get to know and enjoy. I've made my family (blood related or not) proud, and I have such a clear mind. I feel completely content. I still feel like I am too young to be out in the world though.
I put the shoes on this afternoon and I swear, I felt a cold breeze that gave me a little shiver down my spine.
I have a collection of shoes. Two years ago I didn't have more than one or two pairs, but now I have quite a few more. I have bought a few of them as methods of feeling better about myself, but above all, in my collection, I have one sacred pair. Or at least they feel sacred.
Several times since I bought them two years ago, I have taken down the box they sit in, opened it and tried so desperatly to wear them, but in two years, I think I have only really worn them a half a dozen times or so. I bought them shortly after Brady (my first boyfriend) and I started dating; my English 30 class was going to Theatre Calgary for "A Christmas Story," and we were supposed to look clean and pretty. Totally fun. It was my first time in the theatre, and I even had a boy I was swooning over to hold my hand. His was the first hand I ever held. On the way home, I was tired and I rested my head on Brady's shoulder, which was yet another first for me. The whole night, I could not stop smiling and I felt--I don't know--the way you feel when you're with your first real boyfriend.
We ended up breaking up at the end of the following summer, which was pretty hard on me for a long time. Afterwards, it was like he was a completely different person, and I was so angry with him. I became this horrible person towards him; I was a different person too. It took me a long time to realize that out break-up was inevitable; I wanted to teach and see the world, and he wanted to do something--else. I don't know if he really knows even now, but that doesn't matter; one day he'll really figure it out. But regardless, I knew I didn't want to be with him long term and even now, have no desire to be married by a certain age. It just took me a while to realize that my desires and plans for my life leave little room for a significant other or any form, let alone one that doesn't know what he wants to do with his life.
It was nearly a year before I had the sense enough about me to apologize to him. We talk now and get along fine, and I am so happy for him and his new girlfriend, though I still don't understand why he moved to Winnipeg.
After we broke up, I couldn't wear my fancy shoes. They were ordained in one of the more special moments of my life, and I didn't want to marr them with unimportant memories or bitter thoughts. I would put them on from time to time in an attempt to wear them, but they have this sort of feeling about them. I don't really know how to explain it; they feel filled with this pure, first love innocence. Like, they seem to exude it; they feel like shoes to be saved for moments that one needs an instant injection of life again. I stashed them in their box at the top of my closet, and brought them with me to BC.
I haven't worn them in a year, or so, but I took them down tonight. I plan on wearing them to my landlord's girl's Christmas concert. Not for their concert, but for me. I feel like in the past few months, I have been so broken emotionally, so lost; but I am okay now. It was just growing pains, of course, and some of them were very painful. But I grew, and most importantly, I did not let myself down one bit. I succeeded when I thought it would be so hard. I have friends here, and I had a family to decorate a tree with, and so many good memories of people I only had three months to get to know and enjoy. I've made my family (blood related or not) proud, and I have such a clear mind. I feel completely content. I still feel like I am too young to be out in the world though.
I put the shoes on this afternoon and I swear, I felt a cold breeze that gave me a little shiver down my spine.
Sunday, December 02, 2007
Chill-axing on Sunday
My finals start this week. I know, insane huh? My last class of the semester is tomorrow--Spanish. My last Linguistics and Latin American Studies classes were on Thursday; walking home Thursday evening felt so weird. It really started to feel like the Christmas season. I don't know why, but it did.
I'm still sick, but I have a voice again, thank goodness. I booked some time off from Starbucks this week, with exams and all, so I am hoping and praying that I can start to feel better after a day or two off. I've been working and running about all weekend; I was supposed to work for 4 hours today too, but the snow up where I live was enough to make me call in and back out.
I'm an Albertan through and through, no doubt, and a little snow does not scare me. But drivers who don't know how to drive in the snow do. Abbotsford has, oh, maybe 3 snowplows, and they are tied up keeping the main lower roads cleared; I live at the top of one of several mountains, at the end of one giant cul-de-sac, and although the road is steep it goes un-plowed. There is a couple feet of wet snow outside my door. In fact, the only vehicles that have been driving around were 2 ATVs.
All said and done, I have been wasting a completely good day, curled up with my lap top and underneath layers of blankets and sweater, in a nice, quiet house (my landlords are Stateside until later), watching chick flicks. Oh, and doing some Spanish. And thinking about how I really should be turning my entire linguistics textbook into sticky notes covered in terms and things I am supposed to know....oh linguistics. That's the class I had with hot Turkish guy. Mmmm. Hot Turkish guy. Such a good afternoon.
I think I need some hot chocolate. Mmm...Turkish hot chocolate. Oh the mind of a silly girl.
I'm still sick, but I have a voice again, thank goodness. I booked some time off from Starbucks this week, with exams and all, so I am hoping and praying that I can start to feel better after a day or two off. I've been working and running about all weekend; I was supposed to work for 4 hours today too, but the snow up where I live was enough to make me call in and back out.
I'm an Albertan through and through, no doubt, and a little snow does not scare me. But drivers who don't know how to drive in the snow do. Abbotsford has, oh, maybe 3 snowplows, and they are tied up keeping the main lower roads cleared; I live at the top of one of several mountains, at the end of one giant cul-de-sac, and although the road is steep it goes un-plowed. There is a couple feet of wet snow outside my door. In fact, the only vehicles that have been driving around were 2 ATVs.
All said and done, I have been wasting a completely good day, curled up with my lap top and underneath layers of blankets and sweater, in a nice, quiet house (my landlords are Stateside until later), watching chick flicks. Oh, and doing some Spanish. And thinking about how I really should be turning my entire linguistics textbook into sticky notes covered in terms and things I am supposed to know....oh linguistics. That's the class I had with hot Turkish guy. Mmmm. Hot Turkish guy. Such a good afternoon.
I think I need some hot chocolate. Mmm...Turkish hot chocolate. Oh the mind of a silly girl.
Monday, November 26, 2007
Hail to Alberta!
I am so sick. Ok, not so bad I suppose, but I have developed a superb chest cold which is settling happily in my throat, and a good side-helping of body aches. I don't really know where it came from, but I ended up skipping my Spanish class today because I was exhausted and dealing with random nausea.
But that is besides the point. It's Monday night and I am two weeks out from my first University finals, and this week, my one and only term paper is due. So guess what I've been doing today, on my "day off." Writing, and thinking, and nursing Neo Citron. I have chosen a good topic at least: Panama and the United States and their relations. I'm excited about it. I have post-it notes mapping out my thought development on my wall. All of my walls, as a matter of fact, are covered in post-its. Either from LAS, Linguistics, or Spanish nouns--such a good way to study. Any way you look at it, I am wearing thin. What a great time for me to get sick, huh? I mean, I just need to pull through these next 2 weeks and I'm golden. I refuse to let my grades slip now.
Work is going so well. I'm still having trouble being sold on Starbucks, but the wage is good and my co-workers are people who make my day brighter and have done so much to help me feel like Abbotsford is my home (for the moment). Getting to know them, getting to know and remember their names...has made such a difference.
I was at Save On Foods a couple weeks ago and I found this coffee brand called Ethical Bean. So good. It grind some every morning. It reminds me of my Fratello roots. But don't tell Starbucks.
This evening, the most amazing thing happened. It started snowing. It has not even stopped yet. There is something about snow that makes me think of home; it makes me warm. It reminds me of digging crazy forts and tunnels in my back yard in Beiseker with my brother when we were little. It reminds me of my Grandparents, and of course, putting up Christmas lights with dad. I love snow--I even like shoveling it. I asked my best friend to enjoy the snow in Edmonton for me just last night, and today, God blesses me with my own snowy evening. I love it. It was great fun for me to watch a 1/2 tonne 4WD duelie try to crest the hill and drive off. The guy who drives it is a bit of a prick, speeding at insane speeds up the curvy road of my hill. I laughed at him as his macho-man truck failed him.
Its been almost 2 months since I was last back in Linden, and I feel homesick. I call mom and dad very often, which really helps. I mean, for as much as I do miss home, I like it here. I'm so excited about my future and enjoy making new friends. I don't know, when I say I am homesick, I guess I mean that I miss knowing the people I pass as I walk down the street. I miss knowing my customers at the coffee shop and being able to sit down and chat for a while. I miss worship practice. But I love this independence.
It has been a hard month. There's been a lot happening to me and the people I love, and in the world immediately around me, but more than ever, I have noticed God showing up. I'm not saying that this is a new thing for me, but everything has been taken care of for me. Thank you for all of your prayers; I need them so much.
Post-it notes for one thought on Manuel Noriega
But that is besides the point. It's Monday night and I am two weeks out from my first University finals, and this week, my one and only term paper is due. So guess what I've been doing today, on my "day off." Writing, and thinking, and nursing Neo Citron. I have chosen a good topic at least: Panama and the United States and their relations. I'm excited about it. I have post-it notes mapping out my thought development on my wall. All of my walls, as a matter of fact, are covered in post-its. Either from LAS, Linguistics, or Spanish nouns--such a good way to study. Any way you look at it, I am wearing thin. What a great time for me to get sick, huh? I mean, I just need to pull through these next 2 weeks and I'm golden. I refuse to let my grades slip now.
Work is going so well. I'm still having trouble being sold on Starbucks, but the wage is good and my co-workers are people who make my day brighter and have done so much to help me feel like Abbotsford is my home (for the moment). Getting to know them, getting to know and remember their names...has made such a difference.
I was at Save On Foods a couple weeks ago and I found this coffee brand called Ethical Bean. So good. It grind some every morning. It reminds me of my Fratello roots. But don't tell Starbucks.
This evening, the most amazing thing happened. It started snowing. It has not even stopped yet. There is something about snow that makes me think of home; it makes me warm. It reminds me of digging crazy forts and tunnels in my back yard in Beiseker with my brother when we were little. It reminds me of my Grandparents, and of course, putting up Christmas lights with dad. I love snow--I even like shoveling it. I asked my best friend to enjoy the snow in Edmonton for me just last night, and today, God blesses me with my own snowy evening. I love it. It was great fun for me to watch a 1/2 tonne 4WD duelie try to crest the hill and drive off. The guy who drives it is a bit of a prick, speeding at insane speeds up the curvy road of my hill. I laughed at him as his macho-man truck failed him.
Its been almost 2 months since I was last back in Linden, and I feel homesick. I call mom and dad very often, which really helps. I mean, for as much as I do miss home, I like it here. I'm so excited about my future and enjoy making new friends. I don't know, when I say I am homesick, I guess I mean that I miss knowing the people I pass as I walk down the street. I miss knowing my customers at the coffee shop and being able to sit down and chat for a while. I miss worship practice. But I love this independence.
It has been a hard month. There's been a lot happening to me and the people I love, and in the world immediately around me, but more than ever, I have noticed God showing up. I'm not saying that this is a new thing for me, but everything has been taken care of for me. Thank you for all of your prayers; I need them so much.
Post-it notes for one thought on Manuel Noriega
Looking out from my front door onto the driveway and street
The stairs leading up to my land lord's front door
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
385 Days and Counting!
So today was a fabulous day.
I’ve set a goal to study abroad for a semester next year, well, actually one year from now I will hopefully be doing the last of the leg work and taking off. Taking off…I am so excited. I mean, I know it is a year away, but after meeting with the Study Abroad department today, one year certainly does not seem so long!
Basically, in four months time, I am to have made a final decision on where I want to spend four months of my schooling. Although a seemingly easy task for such a long amount of time, it is really a big one for me. I mean, for Pete’s sake, I want to see the whole world and now I am making a head start on it—for me to decide where I want to start is one very hard decision. However, the nice lady in the International department helped me narrow down some of my choices.
For starters, UCFV does not yet have any partnerships with
Three options were given to me to consider, though please know, there are far more places I could go (http://www.ucfv.ca/international/MOUs/Web_MOUs_per_country.pdf). These three options were, in this order:
All in all, I have a good four months of consideration ahead of me.
Thursday, November 08, 2007
An Evening at Starbucks
Am I racist?
The thought had never really held any true consideration in my mind until recently. I was very fortunate to grow up in a household where cultural exploration was encouraged—most of this was facilitated by my family’s close bond to a Guatemalan family in the next block. But, my “cultural exploration” was somewhat hindered by the simple fact that I lived in a small town; most of my cultural awareness came from my interaction with missionary pen-pals and studying the atlas with my older brother. I have learned, now, however, that writing to someone about a foreign country or culture is so far removed from the experience of it, and it is very difficult to gain a real understanding of how another place in the same world can function so differently.
Irregardless, I have set my goals high for my life, wanting to spend as much time savoring and living in as many different countries and cultures as I can before my days run out. I am fascinated by the world we live in.
But now, after being in University in what I consider to be a city, I am really questioning my formal belief that I am not racist. I am a minority at my school as a normal “white girl” with Anglo-Saxon roots. My classmates are from the entire world, mostly from
I am rather hesitant towards elderly East Indian men. I don’t think I was so uncomfortable around them when I first moved to the city, but now, after an incident on the bus one afternoon, I am. Basically, what happened is this elderly East Indian man with a long white beard decided to start touching the back of my neck and petting my shoulder. It only happened for a split second before I got up and removed myself from the situation, but the fact that this man thought he was justified in doing that really bothered me; he is likely at least 40 years my senior. I had done nothing to indicate that he had the right to touch me; I had never even seen him before!
So, as a result, now when I see an elderly East Indian man, my whole body freezes up and my jaw clenches. I hate that I do this; I don’t honestly think I am justified in doing so, but golly, it freaked me out and now, unintentionally, I have placed a prejudice on that one kind of human being. I’m trying to work through it though, not that it was you know, something more serious, but he invaded my personal space and I didn’t want him to.
When did my heart become open to racism?
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Sleepless in Seattle
It's Tuesday night, but it so does not feel like it. It feels more like a Monday.
So, this weekend was insane, in a good sort of way. Curt and Laura got out to visit me for four days, which was good fun. We were--I was--so busy. Between being with them and working my regular shifts, I am spent! But I wouldn't have traded a moment otherwise.
The two got out here on Thursday evening and we feasted on all things unhealthy while watching "Nightmare Before Christmas"; bright and early Friday morning we headed out for Granville Island in Vancouver. That place is something else! I liked it; Granville Island is not actually an island, but an artisan based community underneath the Granville Street bridge overlooking False Creek and English Bay in Vancouver. We toured various art galleries that showcased mediums of wood, pottery, paint, paper, glass, silk...everything. We went through the fresh market, which smelled so good, and went to the brewery and bought some Granville Island Beer. Yum-my! It's defiantly worth a stop if you're in Vancouver.
I didn't have to work again until Sunday afternoon, so first thing Saturday morning we drove down to Seattle and did the tourist thing there. We stopped, of course, at Pike Place, went up the Space Needle, to the Aquarium, and to the Experience Music Project Museum of Modern Music. All very good fun. Seattle is yet another, amazingly artistic community. I loved walking around and seeing and hearing all of the buskers, but the hotel we stayed in...golly was I on the verge of going postal. It was alright in the daylight, but at 2am, the drunks started coming back for their mid-night snack and were slamming doors and yelling; the walls in that place were thin to begin with, and when they were slamming the doors, it sounded like the whole wall was about to fall over. I think Laura and I managed a 5-6 hour sleep that night, after hoofing around the city all day and me needing to work a full 8 hours at Starbucks the following day. Phew. I was rather testy. Oh, and the attractive male ratio is much better in Seattle, which really made our trip there worth while.
Monday morning came really fast; I had to work until midnight on Sunday, and fortunately, Curt was kind enough to come and pick me up. At 7am, I was up again, we went for a quick coffee with friend, and found ourselves on the the road to whirlwind trip to Whistler. The drive was spectacular, but in truth, we were in Whistler for maybe a half hour (it is a 2.5 hour drive from Abby, barring all traffic problems) for lunch, and then turned right around to get me back to Abby in time for work. It was amazing: we made it through construction and Vancouver, both ways, with no traffic. I was even a half hour early for work.
They left this morning, and it was sad again. But not too bad. This time I had to throw myself back into my neglected homework. I just prefer being the one who does the leaving.
So I went to my only class today, and the first thing I hear about is how 2 of my "friends"/classmates have recently gotten engaged. They are my age. They were looking at dress magazines and talking about weddings and their hubby-to-be's, and boy, was that ever a new experience.
So, this weekend was insane, in a good sort of way. Curt and Laura got out to visit me for four days, which was good fun. We were--I was--so busy. Between being with them and working my regular shifts, I am spent! But I wouldn't have traded a moment otherwise.
The two got out here on Thursday evening and we feasted on all things unhealthy while watching "Nightmare Before Christmas"; bright and early Friday morning we headed out for Granville Island in Vancouver. That place is something else! I liked it; Granville Island is not actually an island, but an artisan based community underneath the Granville Street bridge overlooking False Creek and English Bay in Vancouver. We toured various art galleries that showcased mediums of wood, pottery, paint, paper, glass, silk...everything. We went through the fresh market, which smelled so good, and went to the brewery and bought some Granville Island Beer. Yum-my! It's defiantly worth a stop if you're in Vancouver.
I didn't have to work again until Sunday afternoon, so first thing Saturday morning we drove down to Seattle and did the tourist thing there. We stopped, of course, at Pike Place, went up the Space Needle, to the Aquarium, and to the Experience Music Project Museum of Modern Music. All very good fun. Seattle is yet another, amazingly artistic community. I loved walking around and seeing and hearing all of the buskers, but the hotel we stayed in...golly was I on the verge of going postal. It was alright in the daylight, but at 2am, the drunks started coming back for their mid-night snack and were slamming doors and yelling; the walls in that place were thin to begin with, and when they were slamming the doors, it sounded like the whole wall was about to fall over. I think Laura and I managed a 5-6 hour sleep that night, after hoofing around the city all day and me needing to work a full 8 hours at Starbucks the following day. Phew. I was rather testy. Oh, and the attractive male ratio is much better in Seattle, which really made our trip there worth while.
Monday morning came really fast; I had to work until midnight on Sunday, and fortunately, Curt was kind enough to come and pick me up. At 7am, I was up again, we went for a quick coffee with friend, and found ourselves on the the road to whirlwind trip to Whistler. The drive was spectacular, but in truth, we were in Whistler for maybe a half hour (it is a 2.5 hour drive from Abby, barring all traffic problems) for lunch, and then turned right around to get me back to Abby in time for work. It was amazing: we made it through construction and Vancouver, both ways, with no traffic. I was even a half hour early for work.
They left this morning, and it was sad again. But not too bad. This time I had to throw myself back into my neglected homework. I just prefer being the one who does the leaving.
So I went to my only class today, and the first thing I hear about is how 2 of my "friends"/classmates have recently gotten engaged. They are my age. They were looking at dress magazines and talking about weddings and their hubby-to-be's, and boy, was that ever a new experience.
Saturday, October 13, 2007
Fij Numbo eg Shembok Twrily
No two people ever say the same thing. I mean, I guess that shouldn't be too surprising, especially being that we are in a world of innumerable languages. But really, think about it. No two people ever say the same thing. Ever. Ever! Every single human being on this planet has his own language. We each have a unique dialect. And yet, we are able to communicate with each other. A-mazing!
I downloaded an audiobook by Stephen Pinker called "The Stuff of Thought." I had to get an audiobook because otherwise I would have given up on it before I picked it up. I mean, I understand the language now that I am in Linguistics, but holy crow, it is a mind workout!
Anyway, he basically goes through how language can change everything, and, most fascinating to me, how we obtain it. When you really think about it, to concept of a baby--something that drools so much and is unable to fend for itself or control its bodily functions--a baby has this enormous task of learning how to speak. It sits there for a while, always listening to the random sounds that its parents use to communicate, and breaks it down grammatically. A baby is conscious of all of the fundamentals of language that I have been laboriously learning for the past month and a bit. And you know that the kicker is? The baby knows this stuff better than me! Bette than any linguistian!
It has been proposed that we are born with an innate grammar set. We already know the rules when we come out kicking and screaming (probably because we just really don't want to have to use that grammar). This has to be so, or else the quest for a mother tongue acquisition would be fruitless! Think about that! Did you think about it? Talk about a God-thing. I mean, even if a child were isolated and never in contact with a form of language, it would naturally create its own. His language, if dissected and studied, would even show use of adjectives, nouns, verbs, pronouns, articles, adverbs, and would follow syntactic and semantic rules! Why? Because it is upon these grammatical rules that all languages, no matter how strange, is created! I love it.
Another thing, a child, at 5 years old, is the smartest it will ever be. That kind of sucks huh? I mean, I now live with a 5 year old and basically, if all the things I am learning were put into terms that even I could understand, she learn this stuff faster and more solidly than I ever will. No fair!
The book is good so far, though if you want to read it, you might need to do it in small portions because your concept of pretty much everything is challenged. Even more fascinating is Pinker's bit on verbs, but I'm not that smart so I'll leave that discussion to him.
Oh, and by the way, if you look closely at my title, although non-sense, it is entirely grammatically correct! Dear lord, pray for me.
I downloaded an audiobook by Stephen Pinker called "The Stuff of Thought." I had to get an audiobook because otherwise I would have given up on it before I picked it up. I mean, I understand the language now that I am in Linguistics, but holy crow, it is a mind workout!
Anyway, he basically goes through how language can change everything, and, most fascinating to me, how we obtain it. When you really think about it, to concept of a baby--something that drools so much and is unable to fend for itself or control its bodily functions--a baby has this enormous task of learning how to speak. It sits there for a while, always listening to the random sounds that its parents use to communicate, and breaks it down grammatically. A baby is conscious of all of the fundamentals of language that I have been laboriously learning for the past month and a bit. And you know that the kicker is? The baby knows this stuff better than me! Bette than any linguistian!
It has been proposed that we are born with an innate grammar set. We already know the rules when we come out kicking and screaming (probably because we just really don't want to have to use that grammar). This has to be so, or else the quest for a mother tongue acquisition would be fruitless! Think about that! Did you think about it? Talk about a God-thing. I mean, even if a child were isolated and never in contact with a form of language, it would naturally create its own. His language, if dissected and studied, would even show use of adjectives, nouns, verbs, pronouns, articles, adverbs, and would follow syntactic and semantic rules! Why? Because it is upon these grammatical rules that all languages, no matter how strange, is created! I love it.
Another thing, a child, at 5 years old, is the smartest it will ever be. That kind of sucks huh? I mean, I now live with a 5 year old and basically, if all the things I am learning were put into terms that even I could understand, she learn this stuff faster and more solidly than I ever will. No fair!
The book is good so far, though if you want to read it, you might need to do it in small portions because your concept of pretty much everything is challenged. Even more fascinating is Pinker's bit on verbs, but I'm not that smart so I'll leave that discussion to him.
Oh, and by the way, if you look closely at my title, although non-sense, it is entirely grammatically correct! Dear lord, pray for me.
Thursday, October 11, 2007
A Tale of Two Cities
This past week has been...a tale of two cities. My trip home was absolutely fabulous, and totally refreshing. It really felt good being back home and seeing everyone (and seeing people I knew); I never realized how many people read my blog!
So, a tale of two cities. Right. First of all, an update on how my 1st month at university has gone. I've already written 2 midterms, the first one being for Spanish and the second for Linguistics. The Spanish one was easy for me in the first place, but even to my surprise, I wrote it and obtained the highest mark in my class. Between that and the hand-in assignments which I've also been getting top marks at, I am at the top of my class! Woo-hoo! The second, for linguistics, I wrote mere hours before my flight home for the holiday. My head was fairly focused on the test, but lets face it, I was distracted. I was sitting behind the hottest guy in all of my classes too, which didn't affect me too much, but notably some. Anyway, I was one of the first people done the exam, but left so discouraged. I was convinced I bombed. I mean, I thought as logically as I could and really put an effort into it, but boy, I honestly thought I failed. So much so that my whole flight home was frustrating as I could not stop thinking about it. I couldn't even sleep that night because my brain would not shut off the linguistics. Nor did it for my whole weekend. I was seriously worried about it; I have only failed one test in my life and that was in Physics 30. I could not stand the thought of failing something, let alone in an institution as expensive as university! By the time I flew back out here, I was okay with failing, knowing that I would just have to push myself even harder and make up for the one failed midterm on the next 2 quizzes and the next midterm. Alas, in class on Tuesday, I realized that my weekend was merely a reality check and that in truth, I had pulled off a solid A with a 90.5% on the exam.
That was the good, and now, for the...I don't say want to say "bad," because that may not be so. It seems as if I have underestimated the costs of going to school. I am needing some serious prayers as it seems I am seriously lacking funding. I didn't take out as big of a loan as i could have because lets face it, loans suck. But I also was not expecting to be so long getting a job, or for the costs of goods to be so flipping expensive! I mean, I certainly have not been squandering my money since moving here. I've had to buy some clothes because my wardrobe was not entirely suitable for the climate, I don't eat out or go partying or out to movies, I have paid 2 months rent and damage deposit and for food, cell bill, tuition, books (which was twice as expensive as perceived), and then clothing for work at Starbucks (which was a seriously unexpected and un-budgeted expense), and now, with the end of the month looming, only a half month of work, rent coming up and some unpaid bills, and now registration for next semester and those fees (already!), I'm in the hole. So please, be praying that somehow the money turns up. I thank you all for all your prayers, and I have such confidence that God has me here for a reason and He didn't just bring me here to drown in unfamiliar waters, but I am at a loss. I'm not worried about it this time.
Back on the upside, I think I get to go back to Vintage this weekend as a carpool has been organized! After going back home and getting back to the church, I really realized how good it was to be taught again. I took it for granted for so long, or so it seems, that now, I've really realized how good it is to worship with other people and have my beliefs challenged and to be taught and to be having a relationship with God again. How easily I forgot! I've really been thinking about my relationship with God and my relationship with my job or studies, and in the past couple weeks I've really realized that God's usually getting the shaft. My courses have really been challenging my concepts of what is real socially and how it relates to me morally and spiritually, and how intricately we've been designed, even just our capacity create random sounds, give them meaning, communicate and most amazing is our acquisition of language! I mean, all I can really say is: "How?"
So that is that, for now. Hope I've helped fill in some blanks. Thanks for your continued prayer and love!
So, a tale of two cities. Right. First of all, an update on how my 1st month at university has gone. I've already written 2 midterms, the first one being for Spanish and the second for Linguistics. The Spanish one was easy for me in the first place, but even to my surprise, I wrote it and obtained the highest mark in my class. Between that and the hand-in assignments which I've also been getting top marks at, I am at the top of my class! Woo-hoo! The second, for linguistics, I wrote mere hours before my flight home for the holiday. My head was fairly focused on the test, but lets face it, I was distracted. I was sitting behind the hottest guy in all of my classes too, which didn't affect me too much, but notably some. Anyway, I was one of the first people done the exam, but left so discouraged. I was convinced I bombed. I mean, I thought as logically as I could and really put an effort into it, but boy, I honestly thought I failed. So much so that my whole flight home was frustrating as I could not stop thinking about it. I couldn't even sleep that night because my brain would not shut off the linguistics. Nor did it for my whole weekend. I was seriously worried about it; I have only failed one test in my life and that was in Physics 30. I could not stand the thought of failing something, let alone in an institution as expensive as university! By the time I flew back out here, I was okay with failing, knowing that I would just have to push myself even harder and make up for the one failed midterm on the next 2 quizzes and the next midterm. Alas, in class on Tuesday, I realized that my weekend was merely a reality check and that in truth, I had pulled off a solid A with a 90.5% on the exam.
That was the good, and now, for the...I don't say want to say "bad," because that may not be so. It seems as if I have underestimated the costs of going to school. I am needing some serious prayers as it seems I am seriously lacking funding. I didn't take out as big of a loan as i could have because lets face it, loans suck. But I also was not expecting to be so long getting a job, or for the costs of goods to be so flipping expensive! I mean, I certainly have not been squandering my money since moving here. I've had to buy some clothes because my wardrobe was not entirely suitable for the climate, I don't eat out or go partying or out to movies, I have paid 2 months rent and damage deposit and for food, cell bill, tuition, books (which was twice as expensive as perceived), and then clothing for work at Starbucks (which was a seriously unexpected and un-budgeted expense), and now, with the end of the month looming, only a half month of work, rent coming up and some unpaid bills, and now registration for next semester and those fees (already!), I'm in the hole. So please, be praying that somehow the money turns up. I thank you all for all your prayers, and I have such confidence that God has me here for a reason and He didn't just bring me here to drown in unfamiliar waters, but I am at a loss. I'm not worried about it this time.
Back on the upside, I think I get to go back to Vintage this weekend as a carpool has been organized! After going back home and getting back to the church, I really realized how good it was to be taught again. I took it for granted for so long, or so it seems, that now, I've really realized how good it is to worship with other people and have my beliefs challenged and to be taught and to be having a relationship with God again. How easily I forgot! I've really been thinking about my relationship with God and my relationship with my job or studies, and in the past couple weeks I've really realized that God's usually getting the shaft. My courses have really been challenging my concepts of what is real socially and how it relates to me morally and spiritually, and how intricately we've been designed, even just our capacity create random sounds, give them meaning, communicate and most amazing is our acquisition of language! I mean, all I can really say is: "How?"
So that is that, for now. Hope I've helped fill in some blanks. Thanks for your continued prayer and love!
Saturday, October 06, 2007
Mmmm. Mashed Potatoes
So, unbeknownst to most, I flew home this weekend to surprise most of my loved ones. I really wanted to be home for the weekend, and, it feels so good to see the familiar faces again.
So far, it has been good; I have seen so many of the folks I wanted to see, hugged a bunch of people, and been smiling and laughing for a few days straight. Like I said, it feels good to be here. Even though it seems so much more flat than I remember.
I've been thinking a lot about the past month and how my life has changed since I was last on the 806. It is...more than I thought it would be. Linden has not changed too much, but there are a couple things that have, or are in the process, and those are the things that I never really wanted to change. And they are small things too, so seemingly insignificant, but the few things that I call my very own.
Anyway, being back here has also realize how my definition of "home" has changed too. Linden feels good. I love so many people here, and I enjoy the prairies. I'm staying in my old house too and have been venturing to my usual haunts (I mean, I've only been gone a month!), but they are just not the same. This house, is not my house anymore, and I think that is the weirdest part. Sometime, even in the course of a month, without my consciousness knowledge, my home transitioned to Abbotsford. My stuff is all there, my room, my new job at Starbucks, my school, my bus route, trees, dogs, landlords...everything that demands my attention is in a whole other place now. All I have for Linden now are a town full of people I love and memories. It is so weird! I guess I am still working on finding my place in this world! I keep reminding myself, if it is this strange for me now, I can not imagine what it will be when I move to Latin America!
So far, it has been good; I have seen so many of the folks I wanted to see, hugged a bunch of people, and been smiling and laughing for a few days straight. Like I said, it feels good to be here. Even though it seems so much more flat than I remember.
I've been thinking a lot about the past month and how my life has changed since I was last on the 806. It is...more than I thought it would be. Linden has not changed too much, but there are a couple things that have, or are in the process, and those are the things that I never really wanted to change. And they are small things too, so seemingly insignificant, but the few things that I call my very own.
Anyway, being back here has also realize how my definition of "home" has changed too. Linden feels good. I love so many people here, and I enjoy the prairies. I'm staying in my old house too and have been venturing to my usual haunts (I mean, I've only been gone a month!), but they are just not the same. This house, is not my house anymore, and I think that is the weirdest part. Sometime, even in the course of a month, without my consciousness knowledge, my home transitioned to Abbotsford. My stuff is all there, my room, my new job at Starbucks, my school, my bus route, trees, dogs, landlords...everything that demands my attention is in a whole other place now. All I have for Linden now are a town full of people I love and memories. It is so weird! I guess I am still working on finding my place in this world! I keep reminding myself, if it is this strange for me now, I can not imagine what it will be when I move to Latin America!
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