One Week

Sadly, summer is over. I am moving into a new place back in Abbotsford this weekend and start school and work in only a week. Despite the fact that I have been preparing to move back to Abby all summer long, I don't feel particularly ready. I have been in the process of moving since the beginning of August, and for the past three weeks, all of my junk and all of my furniture has been packed up and in storage which has been, needless to say, increasingly frustrating. It's almost moving day though. I keep having to tell myself that.

August has most defiantly been a busy month. I am feeling absolutely bagged, despite all the holidays I have taken. I finished working at the restaurant on the ninth, and on the tenth, my roommate and I took off to Montana to meet up with some of our friends and his family who were already camping down at Lake Koocanusa. We camped out there from about a week. The weather was amazing and incredibly warm, making it easier to go into the chilly lake. Unfortunately, about half way through our stay, I started to get a little sick and had to take it easy for a few days, but managed to enjoy some beach and water time. My friends and I actually stranded ourselves on the lake when the Sea doo we were scooting around on ran out of gas. Fun times. We managed to beach the Sea doo on this pristine inlet where the water was beautifully clear. Our suffering was short lived.

After a week at the lake, my roomie and I took off up to Abbotsford to get an apartment, which, after seemingly endless tribulations, we finally have. Once we gave all of our money to the landlord, we took off down the Oregon coast. We didn't get very far (being in a vehicle was becoming an arduous task) and stopped by the time we hit Seaside and Cannon Beach. However, we quite happily stopped there as both towns are amazingly gorgeous. We ended up spending two days on the ocean, getting absolutely soaked in the randomly pouring rain, but it was worth it. We had intended on camping, but that quickly was set aside for a few dry hotel rooms. One of the hotels we stayed in was operated by a man who not only looked just like Santa Claus, but played the part every December. And he was quite the jolly fellow.

Eventually we headed back to Linden. The prospect of being able to avoid being in a vehicle was too tantalizing. Also, we really needed to finish getting ready to move.

So now I am idling away my last few days in Alberta. And these are my last few days too. I mean, this time, I am completely moving to Abbotsford. Besides visiting purposes, my time in Linden has come to a close. I hope next summer to find a job or internship with an NGO or aid agency of some sort, or be doing something I absolutely love, and can see myself doing for the rest of my life. Preferably I would be doing that right now, but I'm just going back to Starbucks for now—it works to well with my school schedule.

In a Nutshell

My apologies for not having written on here in several months. Time just slips by so quickly, which can explain how we're already a week into August and I'm heading back to school very soon. My summer has been very busy, and is only going to be busier over the next three weeks.

So I should start with an update I suppose: I am well. I'm battling my allergies, but otherwise, I have been well. Last week, my friend and I finally found an apartment to live in when we move to Abbotsford at the end of the month, so since then, we have kicked into high-gear in regards to moving. Currently Curt (my friend who is moving to Abbotsford with me) and his sister are continuing to rent the duplex I lived in last year (the three of us lived together for a whole year!), before I moved to Abbotsford the first time. Now, because Curt is moving back to Abbotsford, and his sister has no one else to split rent with, she is moving back in with her folks, which, turns out, is perfect for her. There you go; three people are moving out of the duplex all at once. Sadly the duplex is eerily empty now, being that we're pretty much moved out. All that is really left is the cleaning. Whoop-de-doo!

Our plan is to move into the apartment in Abbotsford at the end of August, beginning of September. My classes start on the second, so an earlier move-in date is warmly welcomed. But that is still three weeks away, and these next few weeks are going to be anything but boring! On Sunday, Curt and I are headed down to Koocanusa Lake in Montana. We're meeting up with the rest of his family and a ton of friends, and more people will be coming after us too. We'll be there for a week or so, hopefully I'll spend most of my time relaxing on the beach, getting burned, spending some time on the water….Glorious! We leave from the lake on the 17^th, bright and early in the morning, and continue our journey State-side. We have to get over to Abbotsford for the 18^th to do some stuff for the apartment, bank goodies, work stuff—fun stuff! After that is all said and done, however, we're golden: we have nothing to do, nowhere to be….Right now we're talking about possible going down the West coast and camping along the way, taking our time, meandering our way back to Linden.

My last day of work is tomorrow, which actually makes me a bit sad. The thing about Linden is that it is so full of people who are so easy to love, and they're people you've known forever. Working at the restaurant was such a good summer job. It gave me a break from dealing with customers face to face, gave me some lessons on how to make "Linden Food," and just refreshed me with such a calm environment. Good break. I'm going to miss it. I even got in a few hours at the coffee shop (fingers crossed I'll get a few more in before the big move) which was so good. I love making coffee.

What else…? Hmm. Oh, on Canada Day long weekend, Curt, Laura, and I went off to BC, as usual. What a trip! We spent our first night camping on the Shuswap, which was blissful. Then we took Highway 1 (stopping just north of Kamloops to brush our teeth on the side of the road) all the way through Savona and Cache Creek, down to Abbotsford, stopped briefly at my Starbucks to say hi, and then made our way to White Rock. The ocean felt so good. We stayed with a friend of mine in Chilliwack that night, and headed out for Cranbrook the next day. What a long trip. Highway 3 is beautiful: you go through wine country and the orchards where almost all of the fruit comes from, Osoyoos (where there is a VERY popular lake and switchbacks and hairpins to get in or out of the place), the Kootaneys (where we saw a large black bear on the side of the road), and so much other pretty BC. It was so hot though. Like, incredibly. We were in a tiny two-door black Honda Civic hatchback that had NO air-conditioning. We were driving along in our swimsuits and melting. Eww. We stopped at Christina Lake (which is gorgeous), walked straight from the car, into the lake, and were reluctant to leave. Heaven. In Cranbrook, we loafed with some good friends, former Linden-ers, and head home the next day. We bought about $100 in fireworks and promptly set them off after the 6 hour drive from Cranbrook to Linden was done. Good trip!

DEMO Crew has come and gone in the time since I have written too, I suppose. We'll, no shocker, it was awesome. I was blessed with the role of leader again this year, and this year, I felt like I fit the part so much better. The team of kids we took in (there were 17 of them) were amazing too. There got right in there, just loving on the people they came across. Anyone and everyone! Homeless or not. There was a lot happening within and without us when we were serving, so it was pretty hardcore. Awesome!

I think that is pretty much it, but then again, my memory has been pretty sketchy these last few weeks as a result of accumulating stress. I'll be sure to post some pictures of vacation and the new apartment here though, for all those who aren't yet on Facebook. Love all!

Doh! A Deer

What a week! Finally, after a month of silence I think I may have something to actually write about. My first month back has been alright. It kind of feels as though life went from being busy and stressful to stopping. It is like time doesn't really exist in Linden, despite the fact that it passes so quickly. I haven't done too much since getting back. I've made amends in some broken relationships, been working almost every day, save Sunday, in various places, played a lot of computer games, and we went hiking up in Johnston Canyon around Banff. It was so wonderful to be back in the mountains.
So ,this week. Well, Monday was...not a normal Monday. Linden has two banks, one of which feel victim to an armed robbery Monday morning. Yes that is right folks, people actually rob banks in small towns still. I can't believe it actually happened. No one was physically hurt, thankfully, but they still haven't caught the guys. There was a helicopter and cruisers swarming town all day and the next. I even got questioned by an officer because at the time of the robbery I was minding the coffee shop. Unfortunately I was of no help to the officer.
Sports Day was yesterday. On the first weekend of June, for the past 33 years, Linden Ag-Society has hosted a community fair complete with parade, tractor pulls, soft ball tournaments, and various quaint mini-games. Typically, the population of my small hometown doubles overnight as the caravans of soft ball players overtake town and there is a whir of energy in the air. This year there were no caravans. There was neither a soccer tournament nor any baseball. The parade was marginal and the turn out was lacking. Shortly after the parade it started puring rain and we had a thunderstorm which not only knocked out power for four hours (which then caused all the businesses in town to close), but also washed out my street and did well in creating a great number of new pot holes throughout town. Disappointing.
The day started of weird: I slept in. I never do, really. I almost missed the free pancake breakfast, but hustled my tush enough to get a healthy portion of breakfast sausage, eggs and a few pancakes scarffed down before starting work at the coffee shop. There were four baristas running the show at good ol' Global. I loved it! I was working the espresso machine between my lovely former boss and Laura; it felt like a great team. Sadly, the night before, while working at the restaurant, I somehow hit my right hand on something and it wasn't and still isn't feeling to great. Either some fingers are out of place or I did some more serious damage as it hurts me to grasp things. I'll get it figured out.
So, after the power went out and after our laptops had run out of battery power, my roomies and I decided to go pick up their little sister and head into the city to see a movie. We went to the city but did not see a movie, but rather idled our time away at Wal-Mart and Futershop, looking for a Wii game. After we couldn't find it and were desperately bored, we headed home. But getting home proved to be more difficult than we even thought it would be.
Along the road, about 40 minuets aways from Linden, and around 10pm, our path collided with a deer. A doe, in fact, who had just given birth to a few fawns on the road. We were in a trusty little Honda Accord and all wearing our seat belts and going the speed limit of 100kms/h and all of a sudden we were in an accident. The deer missed the bumper but destroyed the left front quater panel of the car, the left headlight assembly, the side view mirror, hood and nearly came through the windshield. I was in the passenger seat and leaning forward at the time of impact and suddenly it was like we hit a wall and there was glass everywhere. As a result, I sustained some mild whiplash (really, not too bad); no one else was hurt. The people in the truck behind us happened to be friends and farm boys, who thankfully hauled the deer off the road for us (though it was still alive for a while and calling to it's babies, so sad!!!). But we're ok. And for those of us who aren't, I'm sure they will be. It was a first accident for the other three passengers, but not me. But it was scary. We were all pretty shaky. Anyway, almost two hours later, we had finally got a ride the rest of the way home and dealt with the police, but we made it finally.
So, I am off to see my RMT tomorrow if possible and hopefully my roommate's car is fixable, and not just a write off. He is planning on moving out to Abby with me in a few months, and this could force him to stay here. What a week. If my arms and shoulders weren't so sore, I'd say I needed a hug.

Fields of Green

One week has passed since I left Abbotsford, but it feels like so much longer. I miss it and the people I have come to appreciate so much, and despite that I am now surrounded by whom I love and who l0ve me, I feel strangely homesick.
It's different, home. I thought I would feel differently towards it after getting back, but so far no luck. Don't get me wrong, I am happy to be here and love seeing some people I have really missed, but at the same time it feels as though I am in a theatrical endeavor. I keep thinking that people are only pretending to have missed me, or are pretending it is a good thing that I am back. And then there are a few things which are odd, confusing. I should not have left Linden the way I did a year ago.
Anyway, for the most part, life is alright. I have unpacked and "settled" into my old room, and have clean the house a bit, and have also started working again. I'm being trained to be a cook at the popular local restaurant, which, I should mention, is far less glamorous than it may sound. I'm good at it though, for the most part. Starbucks trained me well for speediness and how to multi-task and be self-dependent. And how to have a great work-ethic.
I'm feeling somewhat restless with the lack of mountains to climb and the lack of required physical exhertion. I have to work three times as hard as I used to just to get my heart rate up, which must mean that I really am in better shape than I was when I left.
Not all is well, however. I am fighting waves of nausea, and I don't know why. Eating seems to make me feel somewhat uneasy, not that I am not eating, but when I do I feel ill. It is kind of crummy, but hopefully my tummy will work itself out.

Peaceless and Quiet

Have you ever noticed that sometimes, the world is quiet at all the wrong moments? Like, when you're wide awake and it is the middle of the night, and it is too quiet; when you call all your friends and none of them answer their phones; when your head is full of information but you completely blank out when you need to recall it? Yeah, it sucks. No, rather it is frustrating.
Don't get me wrong or anything: I am not sad or depressed. I have nothing in particular which I feel I need to tell anyone--nothing. I'm not really lonely, and I'm not particularly stressed anymore, now that I have finished my semester. Maybe I am still just over stimulated. Maybe I would go for a run, if it weren't snowing.

AWOL

Yes, I have been busy and have been putting off an update of my blog. I do apologize. The past month has been such a whirlwind...well, so much more than that. It went by in a blink of an eye!
I'm writing my last two final exams for the semester tomorrow, and as of 10pm tomorrow night, I will officially be done my first year of post-secondary. I'm actually sad to be saying that. For as stressful and exhausting this semester has been, I am kind of sad to be finished my first year, and am having some seriously mixed feelings about returning home. Before I get into all of that though, an update on the past:
I can't remember what I was doing a month ago. Working a lot. Probably. You know how it is with me, living a life of the work-school cycle allowing minimal time for eating and sleeping. It's fun. Exhausting, but at least things are getting done! My life was pleasantly disrupted when my brother, Curt, and Laura came out to visit me at the end of March. They were only out here for a few days, but it was nice to just take a break from everything. We had a lot of fun; we always have fun. We went out to Vancouver a couple times (to the aquarium and North Van), toured the immediate area of Chilliwack, Mission, Fort Langley, hung out in Abby a bit, and went States-side down to Olympia and over as far as Snoqualmie Falls (b-e-a-u-tiful folks!). In short, we covered some serious terrain and lived in the car. When they left though, everything went back to normal and I disappeared behind a massive pile of books and locked myself up in my room to type endless papers on my laptop.
Since April started, I have been all about wrapping up this semester. I've been writing essays and assignments day and night, and have pushed myself to physical limits to get everything done. But I am okay. I still have to do up my taxes, but that seems so much less daunting than school. I had this one research paper for English that I had began working on back in the middle of February that...I let it get too overwhelming. It simply began stressing my out so much that at the end I was close to a nervous breakdown! When I handed it in, suddenly everything that I had left to do seemed so much more plausible.
I'm moving back to Linden in just over a week and a half, and like I said, I have some seriously mixed feelings. I'm happy to be going back because Linden is relaxed and laid-back, and I miss a ton of people. But at the same time, I love it here. I have some really good friends here, and I love my house. I mean, despite the fact that I am living in the basement of a private family home, I am so independent. I take the bus, yes, but that works for me. I'm responsible for my own livelihood. I don't know. Part of my is afraid of heading back, but I know that is normal. I mean, I am not the same person I was eight months ago, and neither is anyone else. Here, I was in school and spoiled with opportunities to get educated on some topics that really interest me, and the friends that I have made here...not things that interest the majority of my friends back in Linden. I don't think I am better than anyone, but I am struggling with this concept of being back; it seems as though people are expecting things to "go back to normal." Normal wasn't working for me though, and to be honest, when I left Linden back in September, I left a lot of my relationships broken. Why would anyone want to go back to that? I don't, really. I don't know. I can foresee some tense moments over the next four months. Great. Sounds like a whole lot of not fun. I don't know, we'll see. I should probably start packing one of these days though. I should maybe get some boxes so I CAN start packing.

Tainted Love

I don't know if I am frustrated, disappointed, or just having a crisis of self. Or maybe I am just growing up and feeling the growing pains of become a rational and intelligent human being.
My world has become so methodical; I have a system, I am organized, and I am always thinking about the next project of task I have to complete. I have never been someone who uses an agenda, nor have I been one to devote my whole self to one specific thing. I'm a bit flaky, or I used to be. I mean, I've been late for work very rarely, and usually I am very task oriented, but whether I had control over my sequence of thought or not--that is a different story. But now that I am back in school...things are so different. I am so different.
My first class of this semester was Political Science, and the first thing that came out of my teacher's mouth was that this class, in particular, was meant to create rational, "thinking" human beings. That statement did two things in my mind: it banished any doubts that I had about me being in the class, and it made me start thinking about how narrow-minded and egotistical I am. That class was followed by my Anthropology class, which has only intensified any realizations of self that I develop in PoliSci. Now that the semester is almost over, I am no longer sure I am a happy-camper. Well I am, but I don't know if I still have faith in mankind's ability to make right of so much wrong.
At the start of PoliSci. I was hoping that I would be able to develop a sense of whether I am more Liberal in my beliefs, or if I am more of a Conservative, as my Albertan blood would have me believe. Now, I never once thought that the class would spell it out in black and white for me, but I at least thought that I would have some sort of idea of whether I was right or left by the end of the class. Now, almost at the end and I feel ever so much more confused than I was when I first began. I was so wrong in my initial beliefs; I hated war (and I still do) and wanted to be a humanitarian and wanted to make the world a better place. Now I am learning that in order to exact positive change, often a strong political force is needed. How disheartening!
At the start of Anthro. I thought I knew more about the world that I apparently thought I did. I love cultures, but I had such I naive perception of what the world was really like. In fact, if I had just up and moved to a new culture three months ago, I would have done harm to that culture because of my egocentric nature. I had no idea how diverse this world really is!
That said, I am struggling. I can't understand so much right now, and my head is filling with all of this knowledge of things facing reality, and it bothers me to now end how little people care. For instance, Canadians bash the United States for having a corrupt government, and yet we elect a leader who not only bows to the South, but belongs to a party system which was modeled after the Republican Party in the United States. We're slight less right-winged, but come on people! We're batting for the same team! I can't see how Canada is better than the United States, but I can see how we are so much the same.
And then there is the topic of democracy. We are not a democratic and capitalist society. We may claim to be, but we aren't. I mean, we can vote for our government, but that is essentially the only power the people have. Our society is so twisted and corrupted by deals and agreements between mega-corporations and our democratically elected leaders, and the majority of the earth's population has no idea. I feel so conflicted over daily life now. I work for Starbucks, and that bothers my morals enough. They promote their "Ethos" water and boast about how purchasing the $2.84 bottle of water you are helping a child in Africa get clean drinking water. $0.10 CAD actually goes to their claimed purpose. Only ten cents! I mean, yes they did raise $6.2 million last year for the cause, but they could have done so much more!
I've been watching a series of documentaries called "The Corporation." It's really eye opening. I mean, I'm not claiming to be a sheep and just believing everything the movies told me, but it defiantly has me interested in knowing were my products are coming from, and just how this world really works.

I am just getting so fed up with how daft our society is, or at least how mindless it can be! I mean, we have people voting and they don't even know what they are voting for. We are condemning other societies for the way they function, even when we can't even function democratically ourselves. Are we hypocrites, or have we just lots sight of reality? And now, even worse, I am learning all of these things and at a loss of how to change my actions and beliefs so as to "practice what I preach." Crisis of self? Or growing pains?

I'm not sure which is worse: learning about how conflictive or world actually is, or knowing that the majority of society basically couldn't care less.

Cap'n Crunch

I can not believe that there is only one more month to my semester. It is going to go by so fast! Even more crazy, I have been living out here for more than half a year! Where does the time go?
I must apologize for a previous entry of mine. Recently I made an entry in which I completely bashed my English class, calling it a waste of time. The irony is, after writing that entry, ending it, and then going to class, I was handed back the summary paper I wrote. It was a rewrite. In my whole career as a writer I have never once been told that I needed to rewrite something. Ever since Grade 2, I have been praised for my writing abilities. So, needless to say, when I got the "Rewrite" I was rather surprised. I felt like I was cut at the knees. It was a pretty crushing blow to my ego and my confidence. I had been so cocky and arrogant towards my English class--my teacher and classmates--and getting one rewrite was enough to make me think that I couldn't write. Despite all the high marks I got on my term paper and essays last semester, one little summary paper with a non-existent mark on it was enough to humble me.
In the week that I had to rewrite that paper, I also had to write a critique paper for the same class and five essays for a Political Science midterm (which I have yet to get back), and the whole week had me stressing out. It got me focusing on my studies and critiquing myself to no end--I poured so many hours into those papers. Both the revised summary paper and the critique paper were handed back to me last week with A's, but the marks, although relieving the worries, fell pretty much flat on me. I was just proud of myself simply for the fact that I was able to prove my strengths even at a time when I was "caught with my pants down." It was pretty cool, and a totally needed attitude adjustment.
On a lighter note, I am helping out with DEMO Crew again this year. We're heading in from July 14-18 and I will be 20 years old by the time we're there. Me, 20? It's kind of intimidating! Anyway, so my English class, once again, has proved to be far more than I thought it would be. My professor, and only my professor, has tailored her course around social issues facing youth and the homeless. I did not know this when I signed up for her course, and to that, I can only give credit to God. If you know me, you know that homelessness and the societal struggles people face while in the cycle are incredibly close to my heart. I was blessed with so many opportunities to volunteer at the Mustard Seed in Calgary when I was young and impressionable. Now that I am lending my services as a leader to younger folks interested in doing the same, I find it ironic that my English class, a class so unlikely to act as a think tank for homeless issues is just that! I mean, it is an essay topic and I have to discuss it for a final grade! It is totally a prep course for my upcoming leadership this summer. Amazing. So I mean now to lend credit to my English class. It is awesome.
On the more funny side of life, my friend and I skipped campus for dinner today. We went over to a Timmy-Ho's (just down the street from my Starbucks, which makes me a traitor), and after having a ball of a time and noticing the time, seeing that we had six minuets to get me to class, we frantically left. However, Abby is a city where common sense and straight roads don't exist. We ended up lost in a Rona-Costco parking lot, just trying to figure out how the heck to get to the road which would supposedly take us back to the school. At long last we found it, and then promptly found ourselves driving around in the countryside. It was fun. We randomly stumbled upon a place called Cap'n Crunch, which was fittingly a car demolition place. Good fun.

Roasty Toasty

I suppose it has actually been more than one week since I last wrote here, but not much has happened. I've been busy working on a number of papers, midterms, essays, projects, and trying to squeeze in some hours at Starbucks. It's been pretty constant. We had "reading week" here last week--the break consisted of a Monday and Tuesday. I was fortunate enough to have Sunday to Wednesday free to work on the pile of work I was given, and I even got most of it done.
I'm healthy again too, which is nice. I'm kind of tired, but for the most part I am well. I burned my arm on the oven door on Tuesday in an attempt to keep the dog from snagging the chicken off the pan. It's been a rather nasty experience. First is was considerably moist. It was oozing for a few days, but then finally scabbed up. Now it is dry and cracking and bleeding. I have a cream that I have been putting on it, but it just doesn't seem to be aiding anything at all.
I've been stressed. Really stressed. But I am pulling through, painfully, but getting through this nonetheless. I need to pick up some serious extra hours at Starbucks if at all possible, which means my homework and sleep time will have to be somewhat sacrificed, but my hours are being cut back without my consent and I am having trouble getting enough money to make rent, let alone pay my bills and down my debt. Stupid taxes. I have those to do as well. Being a grown up is hard.
My friends have been fantastic though. I've come to adore a great number of the people I have met out here, and leaving them to head home for the summer will be tough, despite the fact that I am returning to a town full of people I love. I like it though.
I got an A on my first of three linguistics tests today, which is very comforting. Up until this past week or two, I have not had a single assignment or test. Now I am beginning to really see how well I am doing in my classes which really helps! My walls at home are covered in sticky notes again, but now there are maps, and current events that I've cut from the Globe and Mail as well. It helps. It all helps.
I've seemingly gotten into the habit of doing some intense physical activity to help deal with my stress. I burden myself with a muscle-numbing workout when I am too stressed to sleep, or in my "freak out" moments when I really have no sight of the light at the end of the tunnel. I wouldn't say that it helps me in any other way than giving me a sense of accomplishment. It's pretty cool.
The weather out here has been amazing. The patio at work is open. It is February. I never thought I would see the day when people would be wearing shorts and skirts in February in Canada and not be frozen. Wonderful.
Anyway, that is a wee bit of an update on me. I'm still alive and pumping blood, but life has me running around like a crazy-person.

Another Week, Another Illness

So I am sick again, but I'm already getting over it. I took all of Tuesday off and slept for about 13 hours, and I was feeling better for work on Wednesday.
I have this one class that makes me feel like I am wasting my time. English 105 is pretty much a review of what I feel is common sense, and all the same things my High school English teacher taught me. I mean, seriously. I had to pass some lame placement exam to get me in a class that is simply a review of High school English?? How stupid is that? Oh well, I have to take it if I--it is a core requirement on my Bachelors degree, and I need it before I can go into any other English classes. It's just one of those things that you just wish you didn't have to waste your time on....
As far as my other classes go, I must admit, I just do not feel like I am putting in the time they demand. I mean, I get the readings done, I take the notes, and my comprehension is there, but, for instance with Linguistics, I just can't recall the information when I need to. I also have several assignments, papers, and presentations which are already coming up with looming due dates--and midterms (already!!!!!!!) to go with them...and then there will be finals again in a month and a half, and then what? And then what indeed.
I'm thinking that I'll be headed back to Linden for the whole summer, and will then try to find some work to use up all that lovely free time I will have. I went to work the other day, and it was a fabulous day too, and I realized that I'll likely only have another month or two with that job, and it made me light hearted--and sad.
I think this past Saturday was to worst day of work I have ever had. I went home and felt like the customers had taken part of my soul; I just felt like I was done with people and was so happy to go home to an empty house and wallow in my self pity. But then on the other hand, my co-workers are some f the best people I have ever met, and my heart will be sad when I say goodbye to them. Even worse, leaving the family that I live with now! Goodness, I never expected to grow so close to the family I moved in with ( which was a very naive assumption on my behalf, and if you know me at all, you will understand why), and moving out of their house will be incredibly sad. They don't feel like my own family, but they certainly have a very special place in my heart. I firmly believe that a great deal of my success out here and my ability to adapt to life out here was because of them and their open hearts. Such wonderful people, let me tell you!
Anyway, so that is the news. I have to get going to my lame-o class now. You know what? I am looking forward to summer even for the reason that I will have something more stimulating and less repetitious to write about other than school and work and school and work and...you get the point.

32 is the D F in which W F

Another Monday has come, and pretty much gone, and now I am left sitting in the sorry excuse for a "cafe" at my school for two hours, waiting for the bus to come and take me home. I wait the two hours because the bus that comes at 10:05pm will take me right to my house, whereas the bus that I would have to connect with (otherwise) at the mall, which leaves at 10:03pm, would only take me as far as the bus stop, which is a 13-30 min. hike from my house, depending on the load I'm carrying on my back (which, on Mondays, consists of: 1 laptop and lap top bag with cords, 3 textbooks, one of which is hardcover, 1 notebook or binder, food containers and a water bottle, and various small items, in addition to my 130lb. self and bulky-ish winter jacket--after 9 hours of classes). Thus the reason I have decided to be lazy and wait for the bus to drive me home.
This week has been...a week. It was not the most catastrophic of weeks, and not the best of weeks by any means. I feel somewhat as though I let myself down, perhaps. A social situation arose this week, for which I was unprepared to deal with, and I feel as though I handled it most immaturely. It might not have bothered me so much but for the fact that I am blessed enough to be a leader to some younger girls, and I don't feel right advising them to act assertivly, when I myself don't take my own advice. Sometimes, in certain situations, I get flustered somewhat easily.
On the upside, however, I got the chance to briefly see a familiar face this past week. One of my old classmates from Acme lives here in Abbotsford (I think I have seen him three or four times now, since I moved out here), and he dropped my my house for a wee bit. It was cool seeing someone I actually know from home again. I mean, I know I was just home a couple weeks ago, but it almost feels like Linden and Abbotsford are entirely mutually exclusive. if that makes any sense; the two places certainly don't coincide, and I am even somewhat outwardly different in both places. I mean, obviously I am more outgoing back home because everyone knows me and I know everyone, and here it is not the same case. I mean, I have a ton of friends here, but our relationship is somewhat different as we are all students, working part time and at school full time, and many of my friends commute to Abby. It makes it somewhat difficult, but I'm getting used to it. I have a couple outings in the works at the moment, which is really encouraging.
As far as summer holidays go, I still don't know what I want to do. To be honest, I would really like to not be working at Starbucks the whole time; it is waning on my, not that it ever particularly thrilled me, and I am about done dealing with the majority of the customers we serve. Plus, I feel like it is a violation of my moral beliefs, and a total false front--it makes me feel no better than I think it would if I were one of the higher ups for Chiquita bananas or Dole or Del Monte, or something. But they have a benefits program which pays for my glasses and contacts, basic dental and medical, and you know what? I am a student--those benefits are important and far better than the health care plan that my school has! Plus, I have come to adore my co-workers. Anyway, back to summer: please pray!! I am headed home for 3 weeks in July to lead a crew of young ones into DEMO crew again this year, and I would really love, more than anything, to head south for a bit, for numerous reasons. And then there is the question of where I am going to live in the fall, for the summer while I am here, if I am, where I'll keep my stuff if I head back home for the full 5 months, where I will be working for the summer, after the summer...to many things that are filling my mind and pulling my focus away from my studies, which are far more important at the moment. So yes, prayer would be...would be wonderful.
The best moment of this past week: well, the 2 snow days we had were fabulous--especially being that there was only a couple feet of snow--and the fact that my cat is a Rastafarian. She was a wee bit testy one day; I turned on some Bob Marley, "Three Little Birds," and she just calmed right down. She rolled over onto her back with her little feet up in the air and passed out. I was happy that she stopped trying to scratch my innocent knee, and very tempted to find her some catnip....

Sushi and Black Pills

As January rolls out, it was only fitting that we get some nasty weather. All available transit was shut down yesterday--and I was completely stranded after leaving work. The taxis were not running up my mountain because of the seriously slick road conditions, and for the same reason, my land lady was unable to come and pick me up. I was like: "Problem solving!" Really, I had no idea what I was going to do. But thankfully, my land lady is super woman and she figured out a way for me to get home. Thank goodness.
In the good ol' way of the Fraser valley, however, most of the snow and ice soon melted, and today, only sidewalks remain to be shoveled, and almost all the other snow is gone or has been shaped in gigantic snowmen.
In fact, later last night, the weather had completely changed and the roads were again drivable. Taking advantage of this, my land lady and I decided to head out for sushi, rather than muster the motivation to make food for ourselves. so we went, and it was good. We split some veggie tempura (yum, by the way), I had some simple California rolls, and one piece of Unagi (BBQ eel). I've had all this stuff before, and love it, so it was nothing new to my stomach. But later in the evening, my tummy was not at all happy. Something nasty came over me and I felt incredibly foul.
When I moved out here, one of the last things I grabbed from a friend was a baggy full of these smelly little Chinese all natural cure-all pills. I don't know what they are called, so amoung my peeps, they are known as "black pills." They smell like creosote, or really pungent campfire, they look like rabbit droppings, and their smell lingers forever and seeps out your pores; bottom line: you should never take these little pills when you are required to be in public. But they work, and they pretty much fix every problem your stomach and digestive system might be feeling.
I took a couple, and pretty much within an hour I was once again able to move in and out of the fetal position, not to mention, muster enough energy sans nausea to get from my couch to my bed. Good times. No clue what it was. I don't blame the sushi, just the irony of timing. I think everyone should eat sushi all the time. But not tuna sushi because it is laden with heightened levels of mercury. So don't eat raw tuna too much.
I've been reading my Political Science textbook on World Politics, and my Anthropology texts all day. It feels good to be writing about something as meaningless as black pills and sushi.

Non Sequiter

So I've been back in Abby for just over a week now. All things considered, Abbotsford has really begun to feel somewhat like "home." I guess. Okay, it feels like a temporary home, but home none the less.
Pretty much the second I got off the plane, I was back into the school lifestyle; I had an English class later that same evening. Three weeks into class and I admit, I feel like I am drowning scientific terms and political policies that I do not understand. Two of m textbooks are just like...I don't know. I get headaches after trying to read the texts for long period of time. Oh well, I am sure I'll figure out a way to get through it.
Work is going...it is going. I like my co-workers at Starbucks (and I get a great set of benefits!!), but golly gosh gee, I don't know how long it will last. After my trip home and the few hours I worked at Global Grounds, it reminded me of how much the people connection means to me. And a good cup of coffee of course. Oh, and not to mention, it reminded me that there really are some great people out there, but most of them live in Linden. Sob.
Oh well, I don't know how long I'll be at Starbucks. I'm trying to think about what to do for summer, and there are a couple really cool things that I would like to do. But that is a couple of months away yet. I don't know what I am going to do, where I'll be living, who I'll be working for, or if I will even be in the country the whole time. Fun fun times!
So there is an uber quick update on the ins and outs of what has been happening with me in the past week. Not much.

Home Tastes Like a Small Caramella with Whipped Cream

I am not ready to head back west yet. I've been on vacation in Linden for a week now, and in that time, have seen so many of the people I've missed; despite the time I've had here, I feel like I have had hardly enough time to spend with the people I miss so much.
It's been good though, and as always, being back in Alberta has been refreshing and a huge blessing. And sunny! A lot has happened this week, sleep not being one of them unfortunately, and while my time out here has been refreshing, at the same time I feel somewhat burned out. I think that's only because I seem to be unable to sleep when I'm back home, for some strange reason.
It has been three months since I was last home, and for the most part, three months since I last had a conversation with many people here. But it does not seem like I was gone at all. Not that life and Linden have not changed at all (they actually have), it just seems like I was asleep, or that Abby was just a dream, or I spent the last three or four months completely out of it. If that makes any sense. I came home, and everything just fell back into place as it was before. Or, well, most things, but not all. Some of the things I wish were the same are not, and some of the things I wish were better are seemingly worse. But, that is how life goes, or so I have been told.
People back in Linden are...unique. They seem to genuinely want the best for you, and they treat you not only with courtesy, but they make every effort to better the lives of the people they love. Some how I got to be so loved, and coming home is like--like what i always hoped "coming home" would feel like, I guess.
I'm looking forward to getting back to school, of course, But at the same time, I know that it will be a while before I am able to come back again, and that makes me want to spend every minuet with the people I love. And it is true, I did not realize how much I loved some of the people back home, until I went away; now I just want to bring them with me wherever I go because I love them so much. I guess that is the way of life though.
I'm a big kid now.

An Update

Second semester starts in one day! Goodness, I am so excited; I am the biggest nerd. I actually quite enjoy post-secondary, however, aside from the insane cost of textbooks. It should be an interesting semester: three of my four classes are on Monday (the only day they were offered), and the other is Tuesday and Thursday evenings. I’m hoping night classes, or later-in-the-day classes will not only yield a group of more focused classmates, but the opportunity to actually get to know some of them.
I have been working my tush off and my mind has been unable to focus on anything really, in the past couple of weeks. It almost feels like I’ve gone about a separate life, which has been so up and down, frustrating and somewhat discouraging. I’m still chugging along though, so I guess that is good.
My Christmas was awesome. My sweet landlords bought me a brand new printer (my other new one was fried in one of the many power surges we’ve had, as was theirs) and made me join them in Surrey for a turkey dinner, sans cranberry sauce, with their extended family. It was lovely. We played some Wii (I kicked butt at bowling), watch some Rush Hour 3, and ate a whole bunch of delightful food. But it still didn’t feel like Christmas, being away from GG, and mom and dad.

New Year's was pretty much uneventful for me. I worked New Year's Eve, and had the first two days of the year to myself. It was odd though; I felt a great deal more homesick than I thought I would. I admitt, I was lonely. However, my homesickness was relieved when my old youth pastor and good friend, and his family and sweet little girls gave me a call. They were in town and we went out for a coffee, and I was so happy to spend time with them.

My Shoes

Okay, this is going to be a really girlie blog posting, so please, bear with me.


I have a collection of shoes. Two years ago I didn't have more than one or two pairs, but now I have quite a few more. I have bought a few of them as methods of feeling better about myself, but above all, in my collection, I have one sacred pair. Or at least they feel sacred.
Several times since I bought them two years ago, I have taken down the box they sit in, opened it and tried so desperatly to wear them, but in two years, I think I have only really worn them a half a dozen times or so. I bought them shortly after Brady (my first boyfriend) and I started dating; my English 30 class was going to Theatre Calgary for "A Christmas Story," and we were supposed to look clean and pretty. Totally fun. It was my first time in the theatre, and I even had a boy I was swooning over to hold my hand. His was the first hand I ever held. On the way home, I was tired and I rested my head on Brady's shoulder, which was yet another first for me. The whole night, I could not stop smiling and I felt--I don't know--the way you feel when you're with your first real boyfriend.
We ended up breaking up at the end of the following summer, which was pretty hard on me for a long time. Afterwards, it was like he was a completely different person, and I was so angry with him. I became this horrible person towards him; I was a different person too. It took me a long time to realize that out break-up was inevitable; I wanted to teach and see the world, and he wanted to do something--else. I don't know if he really knows even now, but that doesn't matter; one day he'll really figure it out. But regardless, I knew I didn't want to be with him long term and even now, have no desire to be married by a certain age. It just took me a while to realize that my desires and plans for my life leave little room for a significant other or any form, let alone one that doesn't know what he wants to do with his life.
It was nearly a year before I had the sense enough about me to apologize to him. We talk now and get along fine, and I am so happy for him and his new girlfriend, though I still don't understand why he moved to Winnipeg.
After we broke up, I couldn't wear my fancy shoes. They were ordained in one of the more special moments of my life, and I didn't want to marr them with unimportant memories or bitter thoughts. I would put them on from time to time in an attempt to wear them, but they have this sort of feeling about them. I don't really know how to explain it; they feel filled with this pure, first love innocence. Like, they seem to exude it; they feel like shoes to be saved for moments that one needs an instant injection of life again. I stashed them in their box at the top of my closet, and brought them with me to BC.
I haven't worn them in a year, or so, but I took them down tonight. I plan on wearing them to my landlord's girl's Christmas concert. Not for their concert, but for me. I feel like in the past few months, I have been so broken emotionally, so lost; but I am okay now. It was just growing pains, of course, and some of them were very painful. But I grew, and most importantly, I did not let myself down one bit. I succeeded when I thought it would be so hard. I have friends here, and I had a family to decorate a tree with, and so many good memories of people I only had three months to get to know and enjoy. I've made my family (blood related or not) proud, and I have such a clear mind. I feel completely content. I still feel like I am too young to be out in the world though.
I put the shoes on this afternoon and I swear, I felt a cold breeze that gave me a little shiver down my spine.

Chill-axing on Sunday

My finals start this week. I know, insane huh? My last class of the semester is tomorrow--Spanish. My last Linguistics and Latin American Studies classes were on Thursday; walking home Thursday evening felt so weird. It really started to feel like the Christmas season. I don't know why, but it did.
I'm still sick, but I have a voice again, thank goodness. I booked some time off from Starbucks this week, with exams and all, so I am hoping and praying that I can start to feel better after a day or two off. I've been working and running about all weekend; I was supposed to work for 4 hours today too, but the snow up where I live was enough to make me call in and back out.
I'm an Albertan through and through, no doubt, and a little snow does not scare me. But drivers who don't know how to drive in the snow do. Abbotsford has, oh, maybe 3 snowplows, and they are tied up keeping the main lower roads cleared; I live at the top of one of several mountains, at the end of one giant cul-de-sac, and although the road is steep it goes un-plowed. There is a couple feet of wet snow outside my door. In fact, the only vehicles that have been driving around were 2 ATVs.
All said and done, I have been wasting a completely good day, curled up with my lap top and underneath layers of blankets and sweater, in a nice, quiet house (my landlords are Stateside until later), watching chick flicks. Oh, and doing some Spanish. And thinking about how I really should be turning my entire linguistics textbook into sticky notes covered in terms and things I am supposed to know....oh linguistics. That's the class I had with hot Turkish guy. Mmmm. Hot Turkish guy. Such a good afternoon.
I think I need some hot chocolate. Mmm...Turkish hot chocolate. Oh the mind of a silly girl.

Hail to Alberta!

I am so sick. Ok, not so bad I suppose, but I have developed a superb chest cold which is settling happily in my throat, and a good side-helping of body aches. I don't really know where it came from, but I ended up skipping my Spanish class today because I was exhausted and dealing with random nausea.
But that is besides the point. It's Monday night and I am two weeks out from my first University finals, and this week, my one and only term paper is due. So guess what I've been doing today, on my "day off." Writing, and thinking, and nursing Neo Citron. I have chosen a good topic at least: Panama and the United States and their relations. I'm excited about it. I have post-it notes mapping out my thought development on my wall. All of my walls, as a matter of fact, are covered in post-its. Either from LAS, Linguistics, or Spanish nouns--such a good way to study. Any way you look at it, I am wearing thin. What a great time for me to get sick, huh? I mean, I just need to pull through these next 2 weeks and I'm golden. I refuse to let my grades slip now.
Work is going so well. I'm still having trouble being sold on Starbucks, but the wage is good and my co-workers are people who make my day brighter and have done so much to help me feel like Abbotsford is my home (for the moment). Getting to know them, getting to know and remember their names...has made such a difference.
I was at Save On Foods a couple weeks ago and I found this coffee brand called Ethical Bean. So good. It grind some every morning. It reminds me of my Fratello roots. But don't tell Starbucks.
This evening, the most amazing thing happened. It started snowing. It has not even stopped yet. There is something about snow that makes me think of home; it makes me warm. It reminds me of digging crazy forts and tunnels in my back yard in Beiseker with my brother when we were little. It reminds me of my Grandparents, and of course, putting up Christmas lights with dad. I love snow--I even like shoveling it. I asked my best friend to enjoy the snow in Edmonton for me just last night, and today, God blesses me with my own snowy evening. I love it. It was great fun for me to watch a 1/2 tonne 4WD duelie try to crest the hill and drive off. The guy who drives it is a bit of a prick, speeding at insane speeds up the curvy road of my hill. I laughed at him as his macho-man truck failed him.
Its been almost 2 months since I was last back in Linden, and I feel homesick. I call mom and dad very often, which really helps. I mean, for as much as I do miss home, I like it here. I'm so excited about my future and enjoy making new friends. I don't know, when I say I am homesick, I guess I mean that I miss knowing the people I pass as I walk down the street. I miss knowing my customers at the coffee shop and being able to sit down and chat for a while. I miss worship practice. But I love this independence.
It has been a hard month. There's been a lot happening to me and the people I love, and in the world immediately around me, but more than ever, I have noticed God showing up. I'm not saying that this is a new thing for me, but everything has been taken care of for me. Thank you for all of your prayers; I need them so much.

Post-it notes for one thought on Manuel Noriega

Looking out from my front door onto the driveway and street

The stairs leading up to my land lord's front door

385 Days and Counting!

So today was a fabulous day.

I’ve set a goal to study abroad for a semester next year, well, actually one year from now I will hopefully be doing the last of the leg work and taking off. Taking off…I am so excited. I mean, I know it is a year away, but after meeting with the Study Abroad department today, one year certainly does not seem so long!

Basically, in four months time, I am to have made a final decision on where I want to spend four months of my schooling. Although a seemingly easy task for such a long amount of time, it is really a big one for me. I mean, for Pete’s sake, I want to see the whole world and now I am making a head start on it—for me to decide where I want to start is one very hard decision. However, the nice lady in the International department helped me narrow down some of my choices.

For starters, UCFV does not yet have any partnerships with Latin America, which is the one place I would jump to if the opportunity presented itself. But this whole experience is about broadening my horizons, so I am excited at the opportunity to whet my appetite for yet another culture. The first thing my adviser asked me was what kind of place I was interested in going to; my immediate and unrestricted response: “Somewhere that doesn’t speak English and has an entirely different culture.” A smile bust upon her face.

Three options were given to me to consider, though please know, there are far more places I could go (http://www.ucfv.ca/international/MOUs/Web_MOUs_per_country.pdf). These three options were, in this order: Turin, Italy, Surabaya, Indonesia, and lastly Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. The Italian school, I knew about already and was already interested in, and it, of the three suggestions, is the one which will most likely work best for me. The last two are schools which focus more on business, while in Italy I can take more political science; please do not think that I have in anyway already ruled out any of the three schools listed above.

All in all, I have a good four months of consideration ahead of me. Italy would be…so amazing, and an Asian school would be…so amazing too, and cheaper! Oh, so much to think about. But either way, I am defiantly going to go full-steam ahead with the semester abroad thing; my adviser encouraged me that I am a perfect candidate, and that although the process may seem daunting (even when I apply, I am not guaranteed an acceptance, and I have to keep a great average), with the field I plan go into, with my future goals, and for my interests, this is not only the perfect time for me to be considering a semester abroad, but the perfect “program” for me to really look into.

An Evening at Starbucks

Am I racist?

The thought had never really held any true consideration in my mind until recently. I was very fortunate to grow up in a household where cultural exploration was encouraged—most of this was facilitated by my family’s close bond to a Guatemalan family in the next block. But, my “cultural exploration” was somewhat hindered by the simple fact that I lived in a small town; most of my cultural awareness came from my interaction with missionary pen-pals and studying the atlas with my older brother. I have learned, now, however, that writing to someone about a foreign country or culture is so far removed from the experience of it, and it is very difficult to gain a real understanding of how another place in the same world can function so differently.

Irregardless, I have set my goals high for my life, wanting to spend as much time savoring and living in as many different countries and cultures as I can before my days run out. I am fascinated by the world we live in.

But now, after being in University in what I consider to be a city, I am really questioning my formal belief that I am not racist. I am a minority at my school as a normal “white girl” with Anglo-Saxon roots. My classmates are from the entire world, mostly from India and the Orient, some from Latin America (or their parents are, at the very least), and I…am from Canada. Now, for the most part, I consider these people to be my equals, my compliments; they are better at some things than I am and vis versa. I don’t feel contempt towards them in the slightest, I don’t think of them as invaders of “my country.” I like them, I am happy that I have had so many opportunities already, to make friends and have friends all across the world. I think it is fabulous! I love hearing their musics, their family customs…their life stories, just as much as I enjoy hearing my own fellow Canadians’ stories. However, recently I have noticed that there is one exception to my openness.

I am rather hesitant towards elderly East Indian men. I don’t think I was so uncomfortable around them when I first moved to the city, but now, after an incident on the bus one afternoon, I am. Basically, what happened is this elderly East Indian man with a long white beard decided to start touching the back of my neck and petting my shoulder. It only happened for a split second before I got up and removed myself from the situation, but the fact that this man thought he was justified in doing that really bothered me; he is likely at least 40 years my senior. I had done nothing to indicate that he had the right to touch me; I had never even seen him before!

So, as a result, now when I see an elderly East Indian man, my whole body freezes up and my jaw clenches. I hate that I do this; I don’t honestly think I am justified in doing so, but golly, it freaked me out and now, unintentionally, I have placed a prejudice on that one kind of human being. I’m trying to work through it though, not that it was you know, something more serious, but he invaded my personal space and I didn’t want him to.

When did my heart become open to racism?