Monday, November 27, 2006

Playing the Waiting Game

Good news! I am starting to hear back from some of the universities I've applied to! I'm so excited! I just got a letter back from UCFV syaing that I have met all their requirements and passed their first wave admittence! I'm psyched. I also finally got my application papers for the University of Toronto. I know, I know. That one is far far away from home and in the complete opposite direction of the Pacific, but who knows? My Dad went there, all my family is down east; Victoria College on U of T campus has an excellent and rigerous Arts program, like UBC, and both can give me a great education. However, I feel like I have to read through a novel to fill out the OUAC application form. Seriously, it is about 85 pages of bilingual nonsense. I think it was written by lawyers.
I was starting to get a little nervous about not hearing from any schools. I will not know exactly where I'm going until probably May or June, but maybe as early as the end of Feburary. I've been struggling with the whole waiting thing. I'm a rather active person and my heart feels somewhat nomadic. I like to move around, make new friends, see new places, be faced with challenge; I need to feel like I'm learning something. Right now though, I honestly feel like I'm in a rut. I work all day every day, make no money, see the same people every day, say the same things every day, hear the same music--I can not stand it! I hate waiting for something greater to come along, but I know it has to be coming.
Don't get me wrong or anything. I care about the people in my life, I really do. My family means more to me now that I'm out of the house and my some of my friends me more to me now that I never see them. But to be honest, I haven't really found home. Several of my friend's families have "adopted" me (though I didn't really know I was up for adoption), but even they just don't feel like home. I just don't feel that attached to anyone or anything right now that would keep me in one place. I am nomadic. I am only where my feet are. That is what I consider to be my own. I really think that leaving everything I know behind will be a good thing for me; it might make me value what I have, and what I had, more. It might help me feel more connected to people.
Anyway, that was one big long rant.
Today was a bitter day of blizzarding snow and -37 wind chills. I'm sittin here at work with gloves on and a door that is partially frozen shut. There are four foot drifts on our deck and in my back yard, and sadly it it too cold to take my board out tonight. Feels like winter though. Fa-la-la-la-laa!

Sunday, November 26, 2006

Shake Your Bon Bon

After yet another busy, boring week of work, I was happy to see my shift end on Saturday. I have realized how strict of a routine I have lodged myself into; I hate routine. I get up early every morning, work for a while, rest, go back to work, come home and go to bed. I see the same people almost everyday--there is so little varience in my life that it is beinging to get to me again.
Rather randomly, I found myself at the church on Saturday night, ready to take a belly dancing class. I had so much fun! I had a veil and learned to shake my booty! Zaira and I both went, and I think we both found it great to just be a little silly. We were all wearing veils and sari's and having a lot of fun playing with the chiffon.
Honestly though, belly dancing is hard! You have to isolate all of these different movements for different parts of your body: only your hips, or knees, or shoulders, or neck, or ribs can move at one time. Your arms are above your head half of the time and you have to walk with your hips shaking. It's a lot of fun though. I definatly want to do that again.
The class was part a new thing starting at my church called: DEW (Dance, evangelism, worship or "Dance for every woman"). Or at least, prospectivly starting up. I love the idea, because I love to dance (I can't, but love it) and the mind frame of the churches and most people around here is that dancing it not "holy," and especially not belly dancing. But it was a great way to release. There were about 15 women there, all of which who were a little bit hesistant to have fun at first. But then we all got into it and just had a blast! I couldn't move all of my body the way I was supposed to and just burst out into a fit of crazy-dance.
Then there was a short break with food and such, and then a little explaination of what the plan was for the class. The lady leading it said one of the coolest things at this time: "God created all kinds of dance." He did. It's true. Only Satan is what makes dance bad; he is the one that takes something beautiful and twists it, distorts it into something ugly. Her point was something like, "Why can't someone worship God with belly dancing? He created that too." I thought that this point was so cool.
After the little devotional thing, they turned on some worship music, turned down the lights and went at it. I am telling you, it was amazing! I saw women I have always known as stoic "church women" dancing their hearts out. No one told them to dance, no one told them to grab a veil and play with it like they were a little kid again, no one told them to sing; there was just so much freedom in that place. Everyone was just wrapped up in the presence of God and there was no way they could not hold their heart back from taking over. There were two woman dancing together in a jive, some on their own, some on their faces, and some just tapping their feet. There were mothers, daughters, grandmas, wives, young woman, boistrous woman, and timid woman and all were just letting themselves go. I tell you, I have never felt so much freedom in my life. It was beautiful. And it all came about by opening up with belly dancing. Amazing!

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Dear Mr. Howard

So, I guess this is pretty cool. I'm now being published three times. Twice in a book and once on some editor's choice cut CD's. I guess that is pretty cool. The CD's are only a compliation of 33 authors. I'm one of them. Mr. Loewen is going to be so pround of me!
If you're wondering what exactly I'm getting published, I promise you, it isn't that much. In fact, I am very suprised to be recieving as much acclaimation as I am for this particular poem. If you're interested, take a look: (This is all my own original work and is copyrighted)

The Journey
(c) Rebecca Tomlinson
And at the end of the Journey
We will finally see:
Words have no meaning in eternity.
So take me from here
To that Higher place
To where my fears will leave no trace.
I will sprout my wings and finally see
That from my Journey,
I have at last been made free.
That's all. I have better things! Unfortunatly, they exceed the 24 line limit.

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

What is the Rush?

Linden is a good place. It is safe, the people are more or less polite and nice, the food is yummy and against all diets, it's quiet; yet itis driving me insane.
Sadly, there is a mentality among the Holdemens and even several of the 'secular' girls around here that if you aren't married by the time you're 25, you are so screwed. I hate that. I know this woman: she is beautiful in every way, hilarious, an awesome cook--she has so much going for her, and yet she feels somewhat worthless because she isn't married off yet and over the age of 25.
Now, I am totally not against the whole marriage thing in the slightest. But, it does worry me when I see women, who are not that much older than me, freaking out be cause they are single or dating and not married yet. What is the rush? Even at 30, 40, 60, you're still young! I think you only really become 'old' when you think of yourself as 'old.'
The guys in the Bible lived to be 400+ years old. Now that, is old. Not mid-twenties.
Zaira was telling me about life in Mexico. Apparently, this frame of mind is carried on down there too, only, to a more severe degree. She has a friend who was married at 17. 17! I'm thinking back to what I was like a year and a bit ago, and believe me, there was no way I would want to get married. Not even now. I'm far too young and there is so much I need to experience on my own yet. Zaira is the same age as me and she has 3 friends, who are also the same age, who are married. Schnikee's. She told me that in Mexico, where she is from, if you are not married by 23, your chances of ever getting married are quickly diminishing and you really should start to worry. Sadly, it is thought that a woman can't really survive without a husband down there; that woman aren't as strong; they are passed over for jobs that they have all the qualifications for. Zaira tells me every day that she loves it here. She has so much more freedom here. It has really helped me to see just how blessed I really am.

Besides that, check this out. But only if you are having a stressful day. Trust me, it helps.

Monday, November 20, 2006

Live Fast, Die Young

I'm alive!! Believe me, it was questionable for a while there.
I have spent the past five days or so in an alternate universe; seriously, this has been the weirdest head-cold I have ever had. It consisted of me losing my marbles and suffering from nose issues.
I'd like to take a moment to apologize here to Laura, Shari, Zaira, and Curt, who were all unfortunatly witness to my breaking point. For some strange reason, my cold climaxed on Saturday night with me in an insane laughing/weeping fit. I was euphoric and very sad all at the same time. I'm pretty sure that the break was induced at least somewhat in part by the NyQuil, which I'm thinking I should stay away from. I took two Friday night, passed out by 7pm, slept for twelve hours and felt very lucid the whole next day. I swear, those pills are flipping horse tranquilizers. The box say not to exceed 8 pills a day: I took two, slept for twelve hours and am pretty sure 8 would put me in a rather serious coma state.
Anyway, feeling a little bit better today; everything is less foggy.
Yesterday, I had the pleasure of going up to Edmonton and visiting a friend of mine attending college there. It was fun. I hugged him. He resisted for a while, but as always, I won him over. Sort of. He doesn't like people touching him very much. He jokingly attacked me when I tried booting him in the tush. Right in the middle of West Ed. I totally deserved it though.
I went up with my roomies and Zaira, so it seriously was a good time. It was Zaira's first trip to West Ed, andit ended with her saying: "I love that mall!" But ironically, it was because it had a big boat, wavepool, and most importantly, a roller coaster. I love that girl; I am better for knowing her.

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Why Did You Sing

Good morning all. I woke up this morning and realized I hadn't writen in here for a while; life is just really busy right now. And of course, being that life is busy, I'm getting sick again. Oh well.
This will be short because nothing much of any real interest has happened for a while. I bought some bed sheets and boarding boots. Oh, and I went swimming. And I worked a whole buttload. That's all. I'm putting up some Christmas decorations tomorrow! That's fun.
Oh, and I cut Curt's hair. Our garbage looks like Curt's head was thrown out. It's pretty funny. Not the cut; the hair in the garbage.
Question: Does anyone know of any limo services in Calgary?

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Humane Humanity?

Okay, yes, I'll admitt this: I am a nerd. I love reading the newspaper, finding out what the UN is up to and doing a crossword the odd time. I graduated from High school with honors in both English 30-1 and Social 30. I nearly wrote 100% on the essay portion of both subsequent Provincial exams. I know, nerd.
So I was reading in the paper's yesterday that Sadaam is sentenced to hang. His own people came to this verdict, to which I can say, he does deserve to be punished. However, this I do not understand: How can hanging Sadaam fundamentally be justified? Would hanging him not be the same sort of thing Sadaam himself would have done? Would this action not make him and his hangers one in the same?
I know that Sadaam was an evil man, corrupt in all respects, but what really makes him different from the rest of us? Yes, people were mercilessly killed by him, tortured andwho knows what else; they weren't given a fair trial and he was, though chances are, he was sentenced to death in the minds of everyone long before the verdict came down.
Besides, killing Sadaam will not solve problems. Agreed, a horrible man will be dealt with, but what of his followers? His friends? They will continue to oppress those whom Sadaam had a foot-hold over. What of the other corrupt world leaders who oppress their voters, and not just in murderous was, but in stereotypical ways: ethnicity, skills, handicaps, age, gender? Does that not make all world leaders corrupt? Should all leaders be hung for oppressing their nations in one way or another? What of the average Joe? He holds judgements and hatred. Should he also be killed? What really make Sadaam so undeniably different from the rest of the world?
I don't agree with capital punishment, basically, and I never have and likely never will. I don't care how horrible a person is, how many lives they've taken, atrocities they've committed--murdering them makes us just as guilty as they are. Why then do we not get punished for our downfalls?
I always thought democracy was based on some principle Christian morals. Does the Bible not say "...let he who is blameless castthe first stone..." ? Who appointed a man, suseptable to all, to deem that taking another man's life is the "right thing to do?" Man vs. man is always a lose-lose situation because we are all dumb! Every single human being on this earth, now and forever, is guilty as the same flaw: we have all hated something or will hate something at some point in our lives!
A couple years ago there were some Mounties murdered up around Edmonton. The guman turned the barrel to himself when he was finished with the masacre, and everyone was thankful he had done so. Everyone hated him, and still does. But, by hating that man, are we not all guilty of the smae crime as he was? Everyone wished him gone, glad he shot himself--deemed him too vile and undeserving of life--they mentally took his life away from him. The way I see it, the only thing that makes the killer any different from the rest of us is that he actually pulled a trigger; though always preceeds action and is therefore the root of the downfall.
...
I seem to have been having a series of bad days;gradually getting more and more grumpy. I'm not entirely sure why, but I am. I punched Curty in the nose last night in self defense and out of frustration; he didn't really deserve it probably and being me, I feel horrible. It bled and everything. I'm so mean. I should be hung!

Sunday, November 05, 2006

Boone was a Hottie

The past couple of days have been...interesting to say the least.
Nothing to vital or amazing has happened; just feeling a lot of growing pains is all.
Saturday morning came all too soon. I was completly unprepared for the Fall Fair; "Yo Beck!" had about half as merchandise as I had wanted to have prepared, but we did alright anyway. But hey, I woke up and did something I haven't done in quite some time: I prayed. That was cool. I think I'm starting to mature.
But anyway, Fall Fair went well. Mom stopped by the table and raised a big stink about my hair and it's low lights. "She's ruined a perfectly good set of hair," she said, "Everyone knows her by her hair. Everyone has always commented on how beautiful her hair is. Or was." This was while I was help one of my friend's Grandma's buy some coffee. Grandma was so sweet; she leaned in and said, "You're beautiful." Thanks Gran! Oh well, I like my hair anyway.
Besides that, not too terribly much has happened. Still working on fighting bouts of some serious lonliness, but I think life is really starting to suck less and less. Most of the time anyway. Having set goals for myself and such have really helped me stay distracted.
Today I have spent about 6 hours watching "Lost" season 1 with Curt and Megan. Such an awesome show.

Friday, November 03, 2006

O.C.P. Rebecca Tomlinson

So, I guess I was rather bored yesterday at work. I'd done all of the crosswords, played as much Sudoku as my brain could manage and there was still nothing to do. As a result, I got myself ordained. As far as the internet now knows me, I am part of the clergy.
However, I am not planning on officiating anything as I'm not thinking of my ordaination as legit (though the website boasts it!). I just wanted to see just how easy it was to get ordained on the internet. Turns out it is incredibly easy.
Other than that, yesterday was a wee bit of a wierd day. I got my hair low lighted so now it is pretty much a rather dark auburn; looks really gorgeous though. Then today, about a hundred pounds of 5 Blue Heron bath salts fell to the floor at Global, and random other chaotic events have occured in prep for the Linden Fall Fair tomorrow.
...
I just had a rather uncomfortable situation happen to me here at work. Some Holdemen lady just came and asked me when the wedding was. I was like "What wedding?" She replied, "Oh, aren't you the one getting married?" "No, not that I know of. I'm just out of high school." There was one of those classic akward pauses. "Who was I getting married to?" "Brady," she said. Yep. Great sweetie. Thank you. I feel like I have just run head on, full speed, into a brick wall. "No...no." I said. "We broke up in July." The woman's face turned all shades of red, "Oh, well then I guess you're not getting married. Well at least not now anyway. I'll have to tell 'them' to stop spreading the news then." She then proceeded to run out of the store. Great. Thank you so very much.
So apparently, the Holdemen community here has been gossiping about my wedding to Brady, a guy who broke up with me months ago. I don't have the slightest idea of where they got that incredibly false information; even when we were dating, I didn't seriously think of marriage and most certainly didn't talk about it. For Pete's sake, I'm only 18! Hmmmm. So now I feel incredibly akward and am distastfully reminded of how much I miss Brady.
Oh well, I've survived thus far and I'm only getting started. Besides, I'm in with the Big G being ordained and all. That's not something EVERYONE can boast now is it?
Oh my.

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Dead Silent

We're home! Yeah! Sort of! No, just kidding, it is good to be home; I was quite pleased tobe sleeping in my own bed again last night.
We, by the grace of God, made it home around 8pm yesterday (in time for Lost!!!). We almost weren't able to leave Quesnel yesterday though. Curt fell quite ill the on Halloween night (and no, not from candy. He didn't even get to go trick or treating with us!!!) and we weren't sure if he was going to be able to drive home. Then, later that night, Laura got quite ill too, so things were looking kind of precarious. Fortunatly, Curt was feeling good enough to drive home yesterday, and we booked it straight to Linden. Seriously, we came home through Jasper. There were all of two towns to stop in: McBride and Nordegg. Nordegg makes me laugh. I will always remember it as redneck central. The gas station had little hunter G-I Joes and a huge shot gun mounted on the wall; at the town's entrance, they had a sign "Hunting within town limits is prohibited." No kidding.
Anyway, it is a bright Thursday morning and I'm finding myself back at work already. There is a fall fair in town this weekend, and two of my three jobs are sharing a table at the fair. This means I have a buttload of painting and sewing to be doing in the next two days! But first, I'm going to put low lights in my hair or something.
So yes, I send huge thank-yous out to all who blessed the three of us on our road trip. And what a road trip at that! We pulled up to our house and were a whole 40kms away from 3000kms travelled. Too bad we were sick of being in the car or we could have driven up to Three bumps and back to top off the odometer. Next time I guess.
It was really cool though. Coming down the Icefield Parkway, we suddenly found ourselves at 7000ft. This is really funny because on our way to Abbotsford, we hit an awesome low of -2ft. Anyway, we stopped at a viewpoint and took a quick walk. The snow there was pure crunchy powder and there was nothing but silence. Absolutly nothing. We were the only car on the road too. Even the ringing in our ears was gone. It was so cool. An awesome way to wind down a trip; you know, spending a moment in pure silence, finding some sort of clarity. Well, at least that was what it was like for me. We took a couple of pictures of that beautiful place. I'll put them up sometime soon.
Nothing else really happened on our way home. I lost my sanity after not getting out of the car for more than 6 hours straight. That was fun. Our tushies were completly numb. Oh, and we nearly killed all of the wildlife around HWY 11. There were deer, moose, and moutian goats all over the road. I was happy to have finally seen some mountain wildlife. The roads were more than a wee bit icy, so stopping before hitting them was presumably rather interesting.