Tainted Love

I don't know if I am frustrated, disappointed, or just having a crisis of self. Or maybe I am just growing up and feeling the growing pains of become a rational and intelligent human being.
My world has become so methodical; I have a system, I am organized, and I am always thinking about the next project of task I have to complete. I have never been someone who uses an agenda, nor have I been one to devote my whole self to one specific thing. I'm a bit flaky, or I used to be. I mean, I've been late for work very rarely, and usually I am very task oriented, but whether I had control over my sequence of thought or not--that is a different story. But now that I am back in school...things are so different. I am so different.
My first class of this semester was Political Science, and the first thing that came out of my teacher's mouth was that this class, in particular, was meant to create rational, "thinking" human beings. That statement did two things in my mind: it banished any doubts that I had about me being in the class, and it made me start thinking about how narrow-minded and egotistical I am. That class was followed by my Anthropology class, which has only intensified any realizations of self that I develop in PoliSci. Now that the semester is almost over, I am no longer sure I am a happy-camper. Well I am, but I don't know if I still have faith in mankind's ability to make right of so much wrong.
At the start of PoliSci. I was hoping that I would be able to develop a sense of whether I am more Liberal in my beliefs, or if I am more of a Conservative, as my Albertan blood would have me believe. Now, I never once thought that the class would spell it out in black and white for me, but I at least thought that I would have some sort of idea of whether I was right or left by the end of the class. Now, almost at the end and I feel ever so much more confused than I was when I first began. I was so wrong in my initial beliefs; I hated war (and I still do) and wanted to be a humanitarian and wanted to make the world a better place. Now I am learning that in order to exact positive change, often a strong political force is needed. How disheartening!
At the start of Anthro. I thought I knew more about the world that I apparently thought I did. I love cultures, but I had such I naive perception of what the world was really like. In fact, if I had just up and moved to a new culture three months ago, I would have done harm to that culture because of my egocentric nature. I had no idea how diverse this world really is!
That said, I am struggling. I can't understand so much right now, and my head is filling with all of this knowledge of things facing reality, and it bothers me to now end how little people care. For instance, Canadians bash the United States for having a corrupt government, and yet we elect a leader who not only bows to the South, but belongs to a party system which was modeled after the Republican Party in the United States. We're slight less right-winged, but come on people! We're batting for the same team! I can't see how Canada is better than the United States, but I can see how we are so much the same.
And then there is the topic of democracy. We are not a democratic and capitalist society. We may claim to be, but we aren't. I mean, we can vote for our government, but that is essentially the only power the people have. Our society is so twisted and corrupted by deals and agreements between mega-corporations and our democratically elected leaders, and the majority of the earth's population has no idea. I feel so conflicted over daily life now. I work for Starbucks, and that bothers my morals enough. They promote their "Ethos" water and boast about how purchasing the $2.84 bottle of water you are helping a child in Africa get clean drinking water. $0.10 CAD actually goes to their claimed purpose. Only ten cents! I mean, yes they did raise $6.2 million last year for the cause, but they could have done so much more!
I've been watching a series of documentaries called "The Corporation." It's really eye opening. I mean, I'm not claiming to be a sheep and just believing everything the movies told me, but it defiantly has me interested in knowing were my products are coming from, and just how this world really works.

I am just getting so fed up with how daft our society is, or at least how mindless it can be! I mean, we have people voting and they don't even know what they are voting for. We are condemning other societies for the way they function, even when we can't even function democratically ourselves. Are we hypocrites, or have we just lots sight of reality? And now, even worse, I am learning all of these things and at a loss of how to change my actions and beliefs so as to "practice what I preach." Crisis of self? Or growing pains?

I'm not sure which is worse: learning about how conflictive or world actually is, or knowing that the majority of society basically couldn't care less.

Cap'n Crunch

I can not believe that there is only one more month to my semester. It is going to go by so fast! Even more crazy, I have been living out here for more than half a year! Where does the time go?
I must apologize for a previous entry of mine. Recently I made an entry in which I completely bashed my English class, calling it a waste of time. The irony is, after writing that entry, ending it, and then going to class, I was handed back the summary paper I wrote. It was a rewrite. In my whole career as a writer I have never once been told that I needed to rewrite something. Ever since Grade 2, I have been praised for my writing abilities. So, needless to say, when I got the "Rewrite" I was rather surprised. I felt like I was cut at the knees. It was a pretty crushing blow to my ego and my confidence. I had been so cocky and arrogant towards my English class--my teacher and classmates--and getting one rewrite was enough to make me think that I couldn't write. Despite all the high marks I got on my term paper and essays last semester, one little summary paper with a non-existent mark on it was enough to humble me.
In the week that I had to rewrite that paper, I also had to write a critique paper for the same class and five essays for a Political Science midterm (which I have yet to get back), and the whole week had me stressing out. It got me focusing on my studies and critiquing myself to no end--I poured so many hours into those papers. Both the revised summary paper and the critique paper were handed back to me last week with A's, but the marks, although relieving the worries, fell pretty much flat on me. I was just proud of myself simply for the fact that I was able to prove my strengths even at a time when I was "caught with my pants down." It was pretty cool, and a totally needed attitude adjustment.
On a lighter note, I am helping out with DEMO Crew again this year. We're heading in from July 14-18 and I will be 20 years old by the time we're there. Me, 20? It's kind of intimidating! Anyway, so my English class, once again, has proved to be far more than I thought it would be. My professor, and only my professor, has tailored her course around social issues facing youth and the homeless. I did not know this when I signed up for her course, and to that, I can only give credit to God. If you know me, you know that homelessness and the societal struggles people face while in the cycle are incredibly close to my heart. I was blessed with so many opportunities to volunteer at the Mustard Seed in Calgary when I was young and impressionable. Now that I am lending my services as a leader to younger folks interested in doing the same, I find it ironic that my English class, a class so unlikely to act as a think tank for homeless issues is just that! I mean, it is an essay topic and I have to discuss it for a final grade! It is totally a prep course for my upcoming leadership this summer. Amazing. So I mean now to lend credit to my English class. It is awesome.
On the more funny side of life, my friend and I skipped campus for dinner today. We went over to a Timmy-Ho's (just down the street from my Starbucks, which makes me a traitor), and after having a ball of a time and noticing the time, seeing that we had six minuets to get me to class, we frantically left. However, Abby is a city where common sense and straight roads don't exist. We ended up lost in a Rona-Costco parking lot, just trying to figure out how the heck to get to the road which would supposedly take us back to the school. At long last we found it, and then promptly found ourselves driving around in the countryside. It was fun. We randomly stumbled upon a place called Cap'n Crunch, which was fittingly a car demolition place. Good fun.